NYC TO HOST FIRST ANNUAL I'M NOT GAY PRIDE MARCH

Borwitz Report ^ | 6-27-02 | Borowitz

[cd jones]

NYC TO HOST FIRST ANNUAL I'M NOT GAY PRIDE MARCH

Chance For Wrongfully Outed Celebs to Set Record Straight

New York City will be the scene of the first annual I'm Not Gay Pride
March, a unique opportunity for outed celebrities to "strut their straight
stuff," march organizers said today.

"Those participating in the march want the world to know that there's
nothing wrong with being gay, as long as people don't think that they're
gay," a march spokesman said today.

Organizers expect a heavy turnout from celebrities claiming to be
wrongfully outed, including actors John Travolta and Tom Cruise and New
York Mets slugger Mike Piazza.

The miffed celebrities have been practicing a variety of chants for weeks,
including, "We're here, we're not queer, and if you say we are, we'll sue
you."

For his part, Mr. Piazza plans to appear on a float surrounded by Playboy
centerfolds he either has dated or intends to date at some point in the
future.

"The message of the float is pretty clear: Mike Piazza dates women - a
lot," the spokesman said.

While march organizers are hopeful that the I'm Not Gay Pride March will
become an annual event, most New York politicians are keeping their
distance from the march for fear of alienating gay voters, best
exemplified by a carefully worded statement released by New York City
Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg:

"While Mayor Bloomberg wishes all those marching in the I'm Not Gay Pride
parade well, he strongly believes that not being gay is nothing to be
proud of. Having said that, Mayor Bloomberg would like to add that he
himself is not gay, even though he is not proud of not being gay."

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[Paleo Conservative]

Mike Piazza, The Pastor: I'm Gay

[SerpentDove]

They need to invite Troy Aikman and Brad Pitt, also.

[Saundra Duffy]

Huh?

[Fzob]

This is satire?

Right?

[Focault's Pendulum]

A heterosexual haikuesqe reply attributed to dighton.

WE'RE HERE!
WE DRINK BEER!
WE LIKE THE PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR!

dighton...I thought it needed a bit of color....you can send my enhancement check forthwith.

[Snardius]

This is satire? Right?

If you have to ask...well...

[dighton]

Thanks.

Your enhancement check is in the mail.

[billhilly]

David Brock, who outed himself, will be there. He isn't sure now.

[Focault's Pendulum]

Your enhancement check is in the mail.

I'll settle for the centerfold pic.

[wingnuts'nbolts]

What a bunch of camel dung. Stop it, you're breaking my heart! Tell the celeb's to stay home, nobody is interested in whether or not they are gay, and a parade of people who are not gay, but are not proud of it is just more propaganda for the gays, and the marchers are most probably gay, or they wouldn't be marching. How stupid do they really think we are??????

[BaBaStooey]

The Playmate of the Year, Dalene Kurtis, is smoking hot.

[Dialup Llama]

>"Those participating in the march want the world to know that there's nothing wrong with being gay, as long as people don't think that they're gay," a march spokesman said today.

Very funny.

[Dialup Llama]

>David Brock, who outed himself, will be there. He isn't sure now.

Did Brock really out himself? Too bad he didn't give Drudge the same option.

[kitkat]

Oh, DRAT! I was so thrilled until I got to the last line. RATS! But, hey, it's a good idea. Maybe you'll start something. If we can have Gay Pride, why can't we have Straight Pride?

[AdA$tra]

It is right after white history month.

[billhilly]

Yes, Brock did "out" himself in an interview with The Washington Post. The pathetic little critter can't find enough ways to expose himself.

[monday]

"The Playmate of the Year, Dalene Kurtis, is smoking hot."

Oh yeah?...Prove it!!!

Hint, pic. would be nice hehe.

[BaBaStooey]

You should buy the June issue of Playboy. That is, if you can still find it in stores.

[weikel]