Posted on 06/27/2002 12:32:56 AM PDT by Swordmaker
Last week I went to the San Joaquin County (California) Fair... a dismal fair with amateurish displays, few 4-H animals, and surprisingly few commercial hawkers. Usually two to three of the barn-like buildings of the fair are filled with business people trying to sell their wares. This year, only one small building held about a baker's dozen of them.
Usually full, this year only half the stalls in the animal barns were in use by 4-H'ers. The normal agricultural and civic pride displays from the county's cities and farm communities were notably absent this year. Why, I don't know. It was a disappointment.
About the only reason to go to the fair is the Carnival, to bet on the the horse races or hear the big name entertainment the fair offers... and this year, unlike previous years, the 14 day list (one group per night) of entertainers contained only two names I recognized! That may say more about me and pop culture than it does about the fair board's selection this year.
This extravaganza cost patrons $8 admission (a dollar more than last year's California State Fair). Parking was $3 and a 32 ounce cola would set the drinker back a another three bucks! Considering the paucity of content, a bargain the fair was not.
One thing made the entire experience worthwhile!
After paying for our tickets, we proceded to the gate where we were forced to empty our pockets and pass through a personal metal detector. Wand-bearing security guards were waiting to back up this impressive array of equipment. I asked the security guard "Why all the security?"
"They've had knife fights at some of the concerts at previous fairs... this here is a weapon free area!" said the guard. "We have to confiscate any weapons we find. Guns and knives ain't allowed."
"What about toe-nail clippers and knitting needles?" asked I, feeling fairly ironic. I got a totally baffled look... and the guard turned to the next victim... er, patron... with his wand. I picked up my wallet, keys, cellphone, etc., and went on into the fair.
Remember the minimalist commercial exhibits? We had finished touring the display building, and the youth area and entered an almost completely unattended building with a few commercial hawkers... Avon (no salesperson), a Characature artist, a woman selling cell phones... and the obligatory vegetable chopping, loud-speaking, patter-pated, wonder kitchen device hawker. This hawker was slicing and dicing his way through bushels and pecks of fine looking vegatables, turning them into very small indistinguishable bits of vari-colored garbage, with a hand cranked gadget that he assured us would make our kitchen chores vanish before our very eyes! As we approached the VERY small crowd (under three people) watching his spiel with awe, he took notice of our approach, interupted his patter, and invited us to sit down and admire his device.
"And just for coming in, you win our special free gift!" he said proudly.
The hawker reached into a bushel basket next to his baskets of produce and pulled out a handful of orange-handled paring knives with little cardboard blade shields... and gave one to each of the people in our party!
"Careful, they are razor sharp! Don't just stick it in your pocket!" said he.
I looked at the two people sitting, watching his pitch... they each had a knife in hand. I looked at the group ahead of us. They also had a knife apiece... including a twelve or thirteen year old girl. As I walked through the fair, on the way to the exit, I noticed little orange handles sticking out of shirt pockets everywhere and some just being carried in hand. I saw a couple sitting on top of a diaper bag on a stroller.
Amazing, I thought, in case of a knife fight, the fair has thoughtfully provided us with knives.
Only in California, the land of fruits and nuts...
It's nice to know irony is still alive.
In my youth, the LA County Fair in Pomona was an all day affair - two days, even. I wonder if it's the same these days.
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