The Surreal Lincoln

www.BSNN.net ^ | Nathan Porter

[goliath]

What if everything you knew about Abraham Lincoln were false? What if, instead of an American hero who freed the slaves, Lincoln was in fact the son of Satan who instigated the bloodiest war in American history in order to teach his Kentucky in-laws a lesson in good manners? In The Surreal Lincoln, author Thomas J. DiLusional uncovers a side of Lincoln never before seen.

DiLusional portrays President Lincoln as a demon spirit who devoted his earthly life to dismantling the American form of government from one that supported human bondage to one that lived up to ideals embodied in The Declaration of Independence, that all men are created equal. Standing in his way, however, was the South, with its hierarchical society, its resistance to literacy, and its reliance on unfettered human slave trade. To accomplish his illegitimate goals, Lincoln literally pissed on the Constitution every night before going to bed (giving it the yellowy, wrinkled appearance of today), trampled on the states right to sanction slavery, and instigated a devastating Civil War that haunts us to this day, as proved by the writings of Mr. DiLusional.

In The Surreal Lincoln, readers will discover a side of The Great Emancipator never taught in schools—a side that calls into question his humanity and explains the true origins of that unnecessary war and unfortunate Emancipation Proclamation. According to DiLusional, a peacefully negotiated secession was the best way to handle every single problem facing every single American in 1860. Imagine how much better the world would be if the Confederate States of America had won independence and preserved the right to enslave humans, the privilege of leaving its people uneducated, its roads made of dirt, and its minority of aristocrats in control of all the wealth, all for the cause of tax-free living. Yes, but for Abraham Lincoln, the American South of today would be a paradigm of paradise on par with Mexico. This is the indisputable lesson of The Surreal Lincoln, a work that showcases the unique writing talents of Mr. DiLusioinal.

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[E. Pluribus Unum]

On a less surreal note: In Search of Lincoln

[dighton]

HA! A tip of my satanic stovepipe hat to Nathan Porter.

[WhiskeyPapa]

Better.

[Poohbah]

OK, this sounds like Lazamataz wrote it.

[dighton]

OK, this sounds like Lazamataz wrote it.

Impossible. He's too busy desecrating monuments, exposing himself to the neighbors, and sacrificing goats.

;-)

[Poohbah]

Impossible. He's too busy desecrating monuments, exposing himself to the neighbors, and sacrificing goats.

Does technochick99 know about these extracurricular activities, and if so, is she helping out?

[muleboy]

thanks for the laugh, however the picture is somewhat inaccurate. the three-pronged tale is missing.

[Ditto]

LOL. That is great!

[rdf]

Boy was I ever in the mood for this!

Think I'll do other work for a few days now.

LOL

Richard F.

[weikel]

God now Lincoln was satanic and the emancipation proclamation was evil. You Lincoln bashers need to lay off the crackpipe.

[weikel]

Oh wait I didn't read down all the way LOL.

[stainlessbanner]

weird sense of humor...

[stainlessbanner]

You Lincoln bashers need to lay off the crackpipe.

Maybe you need to read the article before commenting.

[weikel]

See #12

[4CJ]

Note the foreward was by "Water UnderBridge".

[shuckmaster]

lincoln's lapdogs are so far from reality that they inadvertedly tell the truth while trying to be sarcastic. Get a good laugh out of this one y'all.

[goliath]

Oh I'm sure it's there. probably just cropped off at the bottom of the frame. I did notice the 666 missing from his forehead though.

[stand watie]

LOL!

lincoln NEEDS people to defend him;the cause of dixie LIBERTY needs no LIES to perpetuate itself!

for dixie FREEDOM NOW,sw

[ventedpipe]

Okay, these aren't my words, but those of a poster to another thread on another site, that sum up what this Southerner feels.

"I am a Southerner and proud of it. My travels often take me past the great shining Saturn and Dell and BMW plants, and all the competent local suppliers that support them and so many others, that have appeared here over the past few years. Every day I give thanks to God that the Confederacy was NOT granted the answer to its people's fervent prayers. Mr. Porter is EXACTLY correct when he points out that the CSA, had it survived, would have been just another corrupt third (or fourth)-world country, with a subsistence-level agricultural economy supplying raw materials to world leaders like, for example, the USA. Wake up, y'all. The South HAS risen again, and without the vision and sacrifice of Abraham Lincoln that could never have happened.

Thank you, Mr. Porter. Thank you, Abe."