Draft of Bush MidEast Peace Plan Leaked

Floppy disk | unknown | unknown

[parsifal]

Rough Draft Of Bush Peace Plan Leaked!

This was found on a floppy disk somewhere in the U.S. It's accuracy can not be confirmed.

Hey Karl,

How are you? Fine I hope. Please read this here peace plan for Israel and pass a copy over to Dick Cheeny and Colon Powell. Go ahead and correct all my spelling errors because you know I can't spell worth a hoot. The grammar might need a little work, too, but heck, what are Cheefs of Staff for, anyway? George W.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the U.S.A. Hello tonight the 20th of June, 2002. I am coming to you on television because this is real important.

As you all know there is a war on terror that we are all fighting. But we have had to stop it for a while because them S.O.B.s in Pallastein is so busy killing the Jews in Israel. All the Arabs hates the Jews so if we bomb us some terrorist Arabs, they will think that the United States is all Jewish. Which we are not.

Every time I pick up the paper I see where the PLOs have bombed another bus or pizza parlor and frankly I have had about enough. There is dead women and children all over the place. I think that us Americans has been going around trying to be sophisticated and that has got us nowhere. We invite them little Pallesteinian weasels over here to Camp David and try to treat them polite. We shake their hands and compliment them and don't let on what a bunch of murdering little thugs they are. We sit around and tell everybody how much we all want peace, like them little no-good SOBs is one of us and wants peace, too. Well to hell with all that.

I got me a new peace plan and if this don't hairlip the little SOBs then I don't know what will:

1) Pallastein: You got 7 days to replace that no good little bast*rd Arafat. I don't care if you kill him or not and if I gets my wish he would be brought in Dead not Alive.

2) You got 7 days after that to get you a new Pallesteinian gov't going, and I mean one that don't put up with no crap from Hamas, Hezzboolahs, Islamit Jeehods (Karl I spelled it like it sounds but I think it is wrong. GW.) These bombings is going to end and I mean now.

3) To make sure that you PLOs get the message, I am selling (on credit) 50 B-52 bombers to the Jews in Israel. Plus all the bombs they can tote.

4) On the way over to deliver them, I am sending a bunch of bombs that I suspect is defective. I think these bombs are so defective that it wouldn't be safe to land the planes and I may have to order them dropped somewhere. Like on Arafat if he ain't gone by then and some of your cities to boot. Do you get my drift?

5) In the meantime, you had better get cracking because I think the Jews is about ready to start that eye for an eye stuff real serious and I am going to give them the tools to do it with. Since you guys outnumber them about 100 to 1, I figure them B-52s will bring a little equality to the region.

6) I had better not ever see no more of them Arab hollering and jibbering women on TV like I did when we got bombed or I swear I will drop a bomb down every chimeny in every mudhut in that village.

Yours very truly,

Do you think this will work, Karl? I really am fed up with these no good little four-flushers. Talk about "All-Turban and No Cows." I made that up myself. Think I can work it into the speech? GW. GWB.

[wingnuts'nbolts]

Get a grip! Not CUTE, NOT FUNNY.

[parsifal]

Appreciate my humor? I swear by Bill Clinton that I found this floppy laying around. I am a conduit. And BTW, I like Bush. I bet he thinks this way even if he may not have written it. parsy the only honest Arkansan.

[ArcLight]

Boy! Some folks around here have no sense of humor. As for me...I love it! I wish to heaven Bush would say exactly this sort of thing!

[parsifal]

Thank you for your help. In line with some of the comments, I think perhaps the following lines from "True Grit" should perhaps also be re-written to avoid any disrespect to the memory of Rooster Cogburn.

Old Style: "Fill your hands, you son-of-a-b*tch!" -- John Wayne, in True Grit after Ned Pepper tells him "That's bold talk for a one-eyed fat man".

New Style: "I know that we all desire peace here in the Old West. . ." or perhaps:

"We understand that Ned Pepper's comments echo the sentiments of many people here in this pasture, and as the leader of his group, we must extend every courtesy to him as a precursor of real peace between the competing parties here." or perhaps:

"Beneath the skin, You Ned Pepper, and I, Rooster Cogburn, are both human beings and we both want to live in peace and to that end I suggest that I withdraw from this valley and give you time to control the extemist elements in your social club and perhaps peacefully turn over to me, or to some neutral party, those who might be guilty of what some of us characterize as "no-no's". . .

Dang, I could have done a whole thread on this. parsy who appreciates Bush's usual plain-spokenness.

[EODGUY]

The name's "Psycho". Call me Francis, and I'll have to kill ya.

That movie has some memorable lines.

:)

[cousair]

They did the same thing when Ronald Reagan was President, by telling everyone for his eight years how dumb he was...dumb indeed. President Reagan probably will go down as one of the best ever. President Bush is NO dummy. He has beat the liberals and others at the game of oneupmanship at every turn.

[vannrox]

It's BS. Bush is ex-military with an MBA. There is no way that he would communicate like this. No MBA would. Sheezh!

[parsifal]

You're probably right. I also noted the ersatz "joke". A real Texan would have said "All Turban. No cattle", not "No Cows." This is probably just a hoax. parsy.

[Texasforever]

Since Bush is pro Palestinian and anti Israel this is never going to happen.

Do you never tire of parading your stupidity like a badge of honor around here?

[parsifal]

Ping. From your response on the "Nuke 'Em" thread, I thought this would interest you. parsy.

[AlGone2001]

I agree. If this is a spoof, I thought the author was brilliant in his combination of humor and biting satire. For me,I want to believe that Bush really wrote this, gave it to Karl, and it got lost here in Little Rock when Bush was here a few weeks ago.

I am at a complete loss as to how some freepers could consider this an anti-Bush slam. Ithink thelanguage is charming and refreshingly blunt and to the point. If Bush gave a speech like this,the whole country would be behind him.parsy.

If you pretend to believe that, I can pretend to belive you.

[AlGone2001]

Since (President) Bush is pro Palestinian and anti Israel this is never going to happen.

Give some specific examples of him being anti-Israel.

[AlGone2001]

Boy! Some folks around here have no sense of humor.

No...what we don't have is room for someone who continues to pretend that he doesn't really know the source or author of this piece.

[Kaslin]

President Bush pro Palistan? If he is how come he hasn't invited Arafa(r)t to the White House or his ranch in Crawford yet?

[parsifal]

"If only it were true..."

Dang if this ain't pretty close. He wants Arafat replaced. He supports the Israelis defending themselves. He even gave the Pallies a veiled threat to "choose life." I am beginning to think I really lucked into something. parsy.