Time Mag: Making Time for a Baby

Time Magazine ^ | Nancy Gibb

[pettifogger]

Making Time for a Baby

For years, women have been told they could wait until 40 or later to have babies. But a new book argues thats way too late

By Nancy Gibbs

Listen to a successful woman discuss her failure to bear a child, and the grief comes in layers of bitterness and regret. This was supposed to be the easy part, right? Not like getting into Harvard. Not like making partner. The baby was to be Mother Nature's gift. Anyone can do it; high school dropouts stroll through the mall with their babies in a Snugli. What can be so hard, especially for a Mistress of the Universe, with modern medical science devoted to resetting the biological clock? "I remember sitting in the clinic waiting room," recalls a woman who ran the infertility marathon, "and a woman-she was in her mid-40s and had tried everything to get pregnant-told me that one of the doctors had glanced at her chart and said, 'What are you doing here? You are wasting your time.' It was so cruel. She was holding out for that one last glimpse of hope. How horrible was it to shoot that hope down?"

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

I understood what he meant. I found it interesting that he would say Flabby Mom. It was like saying if she was a thin mom it wouldn't have been so bad.

[wardaddy]

I would bet at least 50% suffer that wry regret.

[Norwell]

No. I am thirty eight but have been making the statement since I was around 30. The other posts on the thread tell the story.

Unfortunately God's designed men to be able to easily make families later in life; not so for women.

And as stated in many of the other posts, I have seen dozens of my friends shocked to learn at 35 or 40 years old, that they could not have children. It is heart rending. And for many folks adopting is not an option; they don't have it in them. Fact of life, sad but true.

I know too many people that will be able to spend their last 40 years with plenty of money and nothing but regrets for the way they spent their life between 22 and 35.

[MattinNJ]

I agree with you on the abortion issue. I used to be strictly an economic conservative and stayed out of the social issues. As far as I was concerned, since I am not a woman I could not get pregnant. What did I care about abortion? Then I got married to a wonderful woman and had a beautiful baby boy about 6 months ago. I don't want to sound like a wimp or anything but he's the most amazing and precious gift I could ever imagine. My view on abortion changed the moment I first saw him on the ultrasound image with his little heart beating. I still remember leaving the doctors office dumbfounded that anybody, let alone the woman carrying the baby inside her, could hurt such a little innocent creature hanging on for dear life.

[latina4dubya]

my husband and i married when i was 31 and he was 35 after dating for 6 months and being engaged for 10 months... we tried to start our family when i was 33... after a year with no pregnancy, we went to a fertility clinic... before we began tests and all, we decided we would not do the IVF if it came up that that would be our only option... tests found nothing "wrong" with either one of us... we did a couple rounds of Artificial Insemination--and i had to take fertility drugs for that... after two rounds, we decided to drop the whole thing... it was not for us... the drugs gave me hot flashes and other weird feelings... as Christians, we accepted that this was God's gift to us--and we decided to adopt... we have two beautiful boys who are actually half-brothers... when you go the fertility treatment route, that becomes your whole life... everything you do centers around those treatments... highs and lows... hopes and disappointments... i am so glad that it took just a few months to realize that this was not for us... (the likelihood of the Artificial Insemination working for us was low since i did not take the highest dosage of drugs because we were not willing to abort any embryos that might have come to be...)

[Harrison Bergeron]

"My view on abortion changed the moment I first saw him on the ultrasound image with his little heart beating. "

This is the very reason that Planned Parenthood forbids "patients" from viewing the results of the "pre-procedure sonograms" performed before every abortion baby-murder.

[Bigg Red]

It is simply not the best of both worlds when both parents are gone away to work all the time.

Right you are! I also liked your comments to the male basher.

[Bigg Red]

...men have "had it all" for years.

What a crock of clinton!

[kpp_kpp]

here is the real link

[wardaddy]

Bump that!....funny how much one's perspective is constantly improving with age and experience.

[Bigg Red]

Good for you. So often the "expenses" people whine about entail showering their kids with all kinds of material goods. They don't need their own cars, trips to Disneyland, or $350 sneakers.

[LibertyGirl77]

Amen, Sister! Women like you give me hope for Gen X & Y.

< Wide Grin > Thanks! Now, we just have to convince my boyfriend (age 36) that marriage and family are GOOD things, LOL.

[krb]

Hehehe...That's funny.

[wardaddy]

You go HB!!!!!!....LOL.

[Bigg Red]

Thanks for being one of the mothers who cares more about her family than about having a house full of "stuff."

[krb]

I understood what he meant. I found it interesting that he would say Flabby Mom.

No, really. Go reread the post. "He"'s a she. The flabby she wants people to know she's the MOM, not the grandma.

[Bigg Red]

We work to support our families, then we come home and work some more.

Yes you do. Thanks to you and all of the other wonderful men. {{kiss}}

[Bigg Red]

HLL, what's wrong with you today? The poster IS a woman, talking about HERSELF! She's calling herself a flabby 30-something.

[Bigg Red]

Now, we just have to convince my boyfriend...

Hey, you get him on the line. I'll straighten him out for you!

[PoisedWoman]

Many single or abandoned women have to go it all alone and struggle and I think they whine less.

Been there, done that. It's horrendously difficult, didn't have time to whine much.