Cowboy Guide to Life (Texas Humor Break)

18 March 2002 | Unknown

[PetroniDE]

1. "DON'T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON!"

2. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

3. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

4. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

5. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

6. Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

7. Always drink upstream from the herd.

8. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

9. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

10. The best way to have a quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it.

11. Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

12. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

13. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

14. If a someone says there ain't no God, tell'em to go tell the cow, she'll understand better.

[MAWG]

I remember Soap Creek Saloon when it was at the end of an old road off of Bee Caves. Do you remember The Quiet Man?

[Flyer]

How 'bout Delbert McClinton, New Years eve at Soap Creek when it was at the end of an old road off of Bee Caves. (COLD!)

[SpookBrat]

I've only been to the Folk Music Festivle once. My mom wouldn't let us go when we were kids, because she said only hippies went there. ROFL

[MAWG]

Didn't catch Delbert there, wish I had. I'm a big fan of Delbert McClintons.

[NotJustAnotherPrettyFace]

Gonna send this to my Texan sister-in-law.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

ROFL!!!!! Thanks, that is a new one to me.....

[humblegunner]

Glad you enjoyed it! ;-)

[humblegunner]

Kerrville?
I used to stop there riding the (Kerrville Bus Co.)
bus home from school, Bryan to Houston, way back in
the day.
(I was not impressed, with the bus-stop, I mean!)

[TexasNative2000]

Hey WIATGIP - could you believe that game? SIU!?! Yeeesh. . . .

[ru4liberty]

both of which are wonderful...

100% agreement. I'm born and raised here in Texas but had the good pleasure of living in Southern California (Burbank/Glendale area) in the mid 70s. I loved it and miss it often.

[Gamecock]

My first assignment in the Army was in San Antonio.
I soon learned that Texas didn't have a state income tax.
I went about changin' my state of residency.
I got me a Texas driving license, I registered to vote in Texas,
and just to make sure, I married me a Texan.

(She hates it when I tell that story)

[stainlessbanner]

If you go North of Dallas, you ain't gonna git to Kalifornia, joker. Stay on the left coast, your not as cool as cowboys anyway.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

I was just sick...... Did you catch UCLA/Cin? Man that was amazing... double overtime! But, have to admit, I wanted Cinci to win...

[stainlessbanner]

I married a Texan

Me too! Her hometown reminds me of that old Marty Robbins song..."Out in the West Texas town of El Paso..."

[TexasNative2000]

That was a great game!

At least the Lady Raiders are in.

[Don Carlos]

Your sis is a smart gal!

We try to be nice to the folks in Baja Oklahoma, but it do try the soul sometimes!

Seriously, I'm a transplant here, but love it like I was born in Lokeba (dare you to try and pronounce that!), and I am very attached to Texas as well. Was stationed in Austin (Bergstrom AFB) back in 71-72, and really got to enjoy the area. Best BBQ on the planet is at the Salt Lick, SW of Austin. One of my favorite places in the USA is (believe it or not) Galveston.

Wife and I get down to the big "D" several times a year, just to get away.

Regards!!

[Richard Kimball]

I think we're making the old joke official: How many Austinites does it take to screw in a light bulb? Seven. One to screw in the bulb, and six to talk about how great things were in the sixties.

Saw Willie live a couple of times, wasn't my cup of tea, really. I got to see Jerry Jeff back when he was a real rounder. He could put on a show. Also the Dirt Band, Commander Cody and the Lost Planet Airmen, Pointer Sisters, Linda Ronsdtat (man she was a babe when she was young), Asleep at the Wheel, Jackson Browne, and yes, I'll admit it: Ray Stevens.

The most worked up I ever saw the audiences was Commander Cody with "Lost in the Ozone Again" and "Hot Rod Lincoln." Anybody remember when KVET was the official "Redneck Rock" station, before it turned into justanotherradiostation?

[Richard Kimball]

Oh, and BTW, the Quiet Man slipped by me. Course, I could have been there. A lot of my junior year at UT is a blur.

[MAWG]

But, But it was better in the sixties. I was young and had lots of hair in those days. There was no Hippie Hollow, it was just Comanche Trail. The football team almost never lost. Gus Ball. Oat willies. The L.A.Inn. The Gallery. I could go on and on.

[amom]

Time to laugh gals. :-)