Send in your weasel jokes (unless you're Canadian) [Dave Barry]

Miami Herald ^ | January 20, 2002 (Sunday issue of Herald) | Dave Barry

[Joe Bonforte]

I think Tom Daschle always looks like a weasel is chomping on his privates.

[steve50]

Wasn't that an old Monty Python skit?

[Joe Bonforte]

"Wasn't that an old Monty Python skit?"

I don't remember them using a weasel. There was "Killer Sheep" and "Men Being Eaten by a Crocodile". Then there was the news report with a wombat on the announcer's shoulder. But I may have missed one with a weasel.

[steve50]

Sorry, I meant "the worlds funniest joke". WWII thing, British troops had to tell the joke in German, not one of their best.

[Sender]

by the discovery of the
source of his discomfort...
Damn weasels are back!

[unending thunder]

Hertfordshire University? THAT has to be the world's funniest joke. Or this is.

Gorgeous babe walks into cocktail bar and asks bar tender for a Double Entendre. So he gave her one.

[Joe Bonforte]

'Sorry, I meant "the worlds funniest joke".'

Oh, yeah. Killed it's author and was turned into a war weapon because anybody that heard it or read it died laughing. Based on what Dave had to say in the article, I don't think the Laugh Lab is going to come anywhere close to that. Maybe they should hire the surviving members of Monty Python - or Dave Barry himself.

[steve50]

Think I'm gonna have to break down and buy the Python series, doesn't look like it's going on the air again. Hard to beat the "dead parrot " sketch.

[Joe Bonforte]

For a quick Monty Python fix before you buy the series, go to www.montypython.net. Scripts for all sketches and audio for many of them.

[Joe Bonforte]

Good one. You inspired me to try this:

"Wow, this weasel hurts. Wish I could get it to switch to W. That would wipe the smirk off his face. "

[francisandbeans]

Here is the joke written by me several years ago:

A skeleton walks into a bar and says to the bartender:

I'll have one beer please. Oh, and a mop also.

[francisandbeans]

here is my most recent one (as told in the first person):

I was arrested last week. I went to one of thouse outdoorsey restaurants, ya know the kind with the mounted deer heads and antler light fixtures? So anywho, there was this larged stuffed bear at the enterance. As I was waiting for my meal to arive, I couldn't help but to stare at this large creature, in all its dignity standing there in a fearsome pose. I became overcome with this urge. I couldn't help it. I went out to my truck and got my hacksaw out of my tool box. I returned to the restaurant and walked right up to the bear and started sawing at it just above the shoulder. Needless to say, the owner called the police and they arrested me.

They had to drop the charges though.

Turns out that I have a Constitutional right to bear arms.

[francisandbeans]

bump

[Sloth]

"Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! . . . Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput."

Does posting this violate the 'no violence' policy at FR? :)

[SoothingDave]

Think I'm gonna have to break down and buy the Python series, doesn't look like it's going on the air again.

It's on the BBC America channel on Dish Network. Call your cable or satellite provider.

SD

[steve50]

Thanks Dave, Ill start pleading with my cable company to pick it up.

[TightSqueeze]

A distraught weasel goes to a psychiatrist and says.
“Doc, you gotta help me, I think I am cheating on my wife, but I am not sure because all weasels look alike ”
Ba-Domp-Bomp.

[Sender]

A weasel walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "That'll be 4 bucks, pal."

"4 bucks?" replies the weasel, "kinda expensive."

"Well we also have bottled pop for a buck. What'll it be?"

"Pop", goes the weasel.

author's note: since this is not even remotely funny, visualize weasel chewing on bartender's privates

[Ragtime Cowgirl]

 Joe, check out the contest results, lol!

 

Top joke in USA

The American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a well known humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American newspapers. In January 2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to LaughLab. At the end of the column he urged readers to submit jokes that simply ended with the punch line:
‘There's a weasel chomping on my privates.’

Within just a few days we had received over 1500 ‘weasel chomping’ jokes.

One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the funniest joke in America. Here it is:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and asked the Major: “Major Barry, what the devil's wrong with Sergeant Jones’ platoon? They seem to be all twitching and jumping about.”
“Well sir,” says Major Barry after a moment of observation. “There seems to be a weasel chomping on his privates.”

[wewillnotfail]

Show the weasels how you feel!
HAVE YOU VOTED TODAY?

cnn
moneyline
wolf.blitzer.reports
bbc.co.uk
citizen-times
wolf.blitzer.reports
cigardave