[Rutabega]

I am sorry if this was the wrong place to post this, or if I had no business doing so, but I am at my wit's end! Thanks!

[Rodney King]

Buy three plane tickets and get on a plane without telling him. If he wants to be in his daughters life he can move back here. You will either have to live in Sweeden for the rest of your life or give up your daughter if you take any other course of action.

Sure, you could stay there and file for full custody from the US, but you might lose and even if you win it will take years to actually get your daughter over here.

[Bikers4Bush]

You should take the kids on a vacation to the U.S. to see their Grandparents.

As soon as you set foot off the plane file for divorce.

You'd better be careful though. If he gets one whiff of what you're planning you'll have to live in Sweden for the rest of your life if you want to see your daughter.

[Loopy]

Go see a lawyer. You know, one of those useless scumbags that suck off the lifeblood of all Americans. They're absolutely reprehensible...until you need one.

[BRITinUSA]

Have you tried the US Consulate:

http://travel.state.gov/consuls_help.html

From the web site:

Assist In Child Custody Disputes - In an international custody dispute, a consul can try to locate the child abroad, monitor the child's welfare, and provide general information to the American parent about laws and procedures which may be used to effect the child's return to the United States. Consuls may not take custody of a child, or help a parent regain custody of a child illegally or by force or deception.

[xm177e2]

Don't worry, he'll find some other girlfriend, and I'm sure she'll be REAL interested in treating your daughter nice </sarcasm> (the "wicked stepmother" stereotype has some factual basis)

Does it sound like he doesn't really want half custody the kids? Because if so, you could hang out in Sweden for a while, until he got tired of taking care of them, and decided to let you hightail it to the states. Then you would probably have to agree to send your daughter to Sweden for visitation, which would be expensive but not undoable.

He could keep demanding 50-50 custody, just to be a jerk, though. People have been known to act like jerks during and after divorces...

[copyfight]

I can relate to a lot of what you say. I used to live in Sweden for about 4 years, and now I'm a lawyer in the US. While I love Sweden, I also know many Americans who have a very hard time adjusting to living there. I saw it all the time - there are hundreds of divorced Americans living in Sweden as result of meeting over here in the States, moving to Sweden with kids, and then getting stuck over there. But usually it is Swedish women, with American men. Anyway, I know a top of the line immigration attorney in San Francisco who has extensive experience with this. You can e-mail me at reilly@[no spam]ebutik.com and I'll send you his information. I don't want to do that over a public forum.

However, you must seek legal advice before you do anything. Immigration is one area where even minor mistakes can have serious, and time consuming consequences. Good luck.

[Architect]

I have been having serious marriage difficulties and have finally resigned myself that a divorce is in the best intrest of all of us.

Yeah, right. Does your husband think so? Or your daughter? Or even your son?

Your complaints strike me as selfish and childish. Ever consider the possibility that this is why your previous marriage broke down? Maybe you should try to work it out this time. You've already put your son through one divorce. Destroying your daughter's family too will not make it better. And of course your husband is right to fight it.

[Architect]

Why are you encouraging this woman to destroy her daughter's home? Acting as enablers as she breaks her Vows a second time.

[another cricket]

All right, here it goes. First: document everything! Keep a journal, videotape, and audiotape, whatever. You will need something to show that your husband is emotionally distant and detached from the children if you are to have any hope of getting custody.

While you are doing this you please consider trying to find a good counselor. Living in another country can be very tough. Culture shock is very real and can put enormous pressure on an already shaky marriage. Who knows maybe you can work it out. Kids need both Dad and Mom and having parents on two separate continents is rough on them.

If he is phyically abusive then, of course, all bets are off.

A. Cricket

[unsycophant]

Maybe a better idea would be to contact your family and ask THEIR advice...

A political forum probably isn't the best place to solicit legal information, or even ideas about 'what to do'. In fact, you may end up more confused than you were before you started this thread.

You're in a position to help yourself more than anyone else is. In lieu of that, turn to your family-they probably have more personal interest in your helping to resolve your situation than anonymous people on the Internet.

[truthkeeper]

If you have a brain in your head you will NOT file for divorce and custody in Sweden. Come for an extended visit here - with your children, of course - and then do it. (This is NOT kidnapping, BTW.)

BTDT, and wish I had split to Michigan to file - with my kids - when I had the chance, instead of screwing around with the California courts. They granted joint legal custody to a my ex, a complete lunatic. I suspect those Swedish courts might be just as generous.

You are getting good advice on this thread. I suggest you take it.

[frodolives]

Having practiced family law for 17 years, I'm sorry to say that the most honest and most practical advice will be found in post 11. What did your son's father do when you took your son- and his- to a foreign country? Whatever visitation and contact you arranged with Ex #1 and your son is the schedule you should have with your daughter. Like, six weeks each summer. It's not impossible to be a parent even if you live in a foreign country and see your child infrequently. You would not be a "bad mother" if you choose to let your daughter grow up in her native country.

[DoctorMichael]

FYI: This is the second time this type of question has come up on this Board alone.

Your predicament is more comon than you think. 60 Minutes actually did a segment on US parents having NO rights when it comes to kids of an American parent who are taken overseas by the foreign spouse.

I have a friend who associated with the following organization. Maybe they will be able to provide more info/counseling.

http://www.findthekids.org/sections.html

Good Luck!

[rolling_stone]

Besides place of birth you may want to look at "derived citizenship" Here is a brief history of US citizenship laws.

http://www.aca.ch/hisuscit.htm

[Luis Gonzalez]

PING!