Posted on 01/14/2002 9:42:31 AM PST by Rutabega
I am posting my first article (long time lurker) to ask for some help!
I am a US citizen who is married to a Swedish citizen. We met and married in the US but he got transferred back to Sweden and we moved here a year ago. We are myself, husband, son from previous marriage (I have full custody) and daughter from this marriage. I have been having serious marriage difficulties and have finally resigned myself that a divorce is in the best intrest of all of us (he is especially unkind to my son, a four year old).
I have been counseled by a lawyer in Sweden that if I try to get full custody, I will probably not win, as the rule here is 50-50. He advises me to file in the US and try for full custody. However, there are some rules about kidnapping (yikes!!! awful word, and something I DO NOT WANT TO DO!!!!) and I may lose custody of my daughter and face jail time!
I DO NOT want to exclude her father from my daughter's life, but I also do not want to live in a socialist country any longer! In the US, I have a large support system, and can finish my degree in six months. In Sweden, I need to take another year of language classes and then train for two years to make an annual salary of about 20K (before 30% taxes). Meanwhile, we will be living close to the poverty line, and I will be out of luck if something happens and I need family help.
I got myself into this mess, I understand, but I need some advice on how toget out of it legally! I do not know any lawyers, aside from the Swedish one who doesn't know the US laws, and my son is suffering!
As an aside, my husband says I may not take her to the US, that he will fight me, and meanwhile, he doesn't pay ANY attention to her (no kiss good-night, let alone diaper changing, feeding, or cuddling).
I took it for granted her daughter was Swedish from the context of her letter. If her daughter was born in the USA my comments would have been different.
PS Where WAS the daughter born?
While you are doing this you please consider trying to find a good counselor. Living in another country can be very tough. Culture shock is very real and can put enormous pressure on an already shaky marriage. Who knows maybe you can work it out. Kids need both Dad and Mom and having parents on two separate continents is rough on them.
If he is phyically abusive then, of course, all bets are off.
A. Cricket
Who are you to scold her and act so holier than thou?
A political forum probably isn't the best place to solicit legal information, or even ideas about 'what to do'. In fact, you may end up more confused than you were before you started this thread.
You're in a position to help yourself more than anyone else is. In lieu of that, turn to your family-they probably have more personal interest in your helping to resolve your situation than anonymous people on the Internet.
I would also say that, if she is determined to break up her family, she could at least have the decency to stay in Sweden where Dad and daughter can be together.
Who are you to abet the destruction of a marriage? I have no doubt whatever that if a man asked the same thing, FReepers would be all over him for it - and rightly so.
I meant, of course, that the daughter HAS NO CLAIM TO US NATIONALITY NOW, as a minor, unless she was born in the USA...Sweden is her only and presumptive home, and only it could issue the daughter a passport/travel document...and it would be the only legit forum with regard to the daughter and her custody, and in that nation's courts the husband would surely prevail.
It doesn't matter. Any child whose mother is a U.S. citizen is entitled to citizenship.
BTDT, and wish I had split to Michigan to file - with my kids - when I had the chance, instead of screwing around with the California courts. They granted joint legal custody to a my ex, a complete lunatic. I suspect those Swedish courts might be just as generous.
You are getting good advice on this thread. I suggest you take it.
Only in the twisted mind of someone who is willing to do it and the courts which abet her.
Unless of course you're such a hypocrite that you'd object to someone doing what you have done yourself.
Your predicament is more comon than you think. 60 Minutes actually did a segment on US parents having NO rights when it comes to kids of an American parent who are taken overseas by the foreign spouse.
I have a friend who associated with the following organization. Maybe they will be able to provide more info/counseling.
http://www.findthekids.org/sections.html
Good Luck!
Those bozos who tell her to kidnap this daughter to the USA are advising her to commit a crime under the laws of Sweden, which would also be a crime under the laws of the USA, let me tell YOU!
Look how many Arab fathers have flown off to the Mideast with their sons by American women, they are certainly breaking the law and committing a crime, and so would this woman be committing a crime if she did it.
But of course the Mideast countries shelter the runaway abducting dads, but IMO the good ole USA might send her right back to Volvoland to stand trial on kidnap charges!
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