I need legal advice about international custody!!! Please help!!

self | Rutabega

[Rutabega]

I am posting my first article (long time lurker) to ask for some help!

I am a US citizen who is married to a Swedish citizen. We met and married in the US but he got transferred back to Sweden and we moved here a year ago. We are myself, husband, son from previous marriage (I have full custody) and daughter from this marriage. I have been having serious marriage difficulties and have finally resigned myself that a divorce is in the best intrest of all of us (he is especially unkind to my son, a four year old).

I have been counseled by a lawyer in Sweden that if I try to get full custody, I will probably not win, as the rule here is 50-50. He advises me to file in the US and try for full custody. However, there are some rules about kidnapping (yikes!!! awful word, and something I DO NOT WANT TO DO!!!!) and I may lose custody of my daughter and face jail time!

I DO NOT want to exclude her father from my daughter's life, but I also do not want to live in a socialist country any longer! In the US, I have a large support system, and can finish my degree in six months. In Sweden, I need to take another year of language classes and then train for two years to make an annual salary of about 20K (before 30% taxes). Meanwhile, we will be living close to the poverty line, and I will be out of luck if something happens and I need family help.

I got myself into this mess, I understand, but I need some advice on how toget out of it legally! I do not know any lawyers, aside from the Swedish one who doesn't know the US laws, and my son is suffering!

As an aside, my husband says I may not take her to the US, that he will fight me, and meanwhile, he doesn't pay ANY attention to her (no kiss good-night, let alone diaper changing, feeding, or cuddling).

[Rutabega]

I am sorry if this was the wrong place to post this, or if I had no business doing so, but I am at my wit's end! Thanks!

[Rodney King]

Buy three plane tickets and get on a plane without telling him. If he wants to be in his daughters life he can move back here. You will either have to live in Sweeden for the rest of your life or give up your daughter if you take any other course of action.

Sure, you could stay there and file for full custody from the US, but you might lose and even if you win it will take years to actually get your daughter over here.

[Bikers4Bush]

You should take the kids on a vacation to the U.S. to see their Grandparents.

As soon as you set foot off the plane file for divorce.

You'd better be careful though. If he gets one whiff of what you're planning you'll have to live in Sweden for the rest of your life if you want to see your daughter.

[Rutabega]

Thanks for the advice, my heart is in my throat worrying about this!

[Loopy]

Go see a lawyer. You know, one of those useless scumbags that suck off the lifeblood of all Americans. They're absolutely reprehensible...until you need one.

[Rutabega]

I saw a Swedish one, and he didn't have any answers!

[Loopy]

Get an american one.

[Loopy]

Tough to do and you need to pick the right state to land in. Most states have residency requirements.

[BRITinUSA]

Have you tried the US Consulate:

http://travel.state.gov/consuls_help.html

From the web site:

Assist In Child Custody Disputes - In an international custody dispute, a consul can try to locate the child abroad, monitor the child's welfare, and provide general information to the American parent about laws and procedures which may be used to effect the child's return to the United States. Consuls may not take custody of a child, or help a parent regain custody of a child illegally or by force or deception.

[Bikers4Bush]

Not at all tough to do.

She takes the kids to see her parents and files for divorce using their residence. If she cites any abuse against the boy (her first child) by the husband (which is what I'm reading between her lines about the way he treats him) all bets are off with respect to residency requirements.

[crystalk]

Save your lawyers fees. Just fly home with your son alone, leaving your Swedish daughter there, she has no real claim to US citizenship anyway, your husband would prevail in any court.

You are going to have to decide between living in Sweden for the rest of your life, which your husband and your daughter are going to do whether you like it or not--

and going back to the stars and stripes with just the boy and starting over.

Did you ever have to finally decide...to take just one, and let the other one ride...did you ever have to finally decide?

Save your money, honey, just decide which to do and do it. Nobody said it would be easy. And once you've made your decision, no more whining. Be a good little svenska housewife, or get on the next plane home. Which is it?

[xm177e2]

Don't worry, he'll find some other girlfriend, and I'm sure she'll be REAL interested in treating your daughter nice </sarcasm> (the "wicked stepmother" stereotype has some factual basis)

Does it sound like he doesn't really want half custody the kids? Because if so, you could hang out in Sweden for a while, until he got tired of taking care of them, and decided to let you hightail it to the states. Then you would probably have to agree to send your daughter to Sweden for visitation, which would be expensive but not undoable.

He could keep demanding 50-50 custody, just to be a jerk, though. People have been known to act like jerks during and after divorces...

[crystalk]

Many countries and some airlines will not let small children aboard without both custodial parents. Sounds like this man already knows she is going to try to abduct.

[copyfight]

I can relate to a lot of what you say. I used to live in Sweden for about 4 years, and now I'm a lawyer in the US. While I love Sweden, I also know many Americans who have a very hard time adjusting to living there. I saw it all the time - there are hundreds of divorced Americans living in Sweden as result of meeting over here in the States, moving to Sweden with kids, and then getting stuck over there. But usually it is Swedish women, with American men. Anyway, I know a top of the line immigration attorney in San Francisco who has extensive experience with this. You can e-mail me at reilly@[no spam]ebutik.com and I'll send you his information. I don't want to do that over a public forum.

However, you must seek legal advice before you do anything. Immigration is one area where even minor mistakes can have serious, and time consuming consequences. Good luck.

[xm177e2]

If she cites any abuse against the boy (her first child) by the husband (which is what I'm reading between her lines about the way he treats him)

In other words, you're suggesting the classic, time honored trumped-up charges of child abuse.

This is what I mean about people acting like jerks during a divorce.

[tallhappy]

Save your lawyers fees. Just fly home with your son alone, leaving your Swedish daughter there, she has no real claim to US citizenship anyway, your husband would prevail in any court.

You are an idiot. You should keep your mouth shut.

[kdw]

First off, let me say that I am not a lawyer and I am not giving you legal advice and I am not advising you to do anything illegal. I am also married to a Swede (but happily) and lived in Sweden for 12 years. I know many people who have confronted this very problem. First understand that wherever you file for divorce is going to want jurisdiction. Physical presents trump everything. There is a well-known case that has been featured on TV magazine shows of a man that has a US court order that he has not been able to enforce in Sweden. If you file in Sweden, you are unlikely to get sole custody. You most likely would not in the US either. Either court may very well prohibit you to take the child outside of the jurisdiction (country). So if you file for divorce in Sweden you may not be able to take the child back to the US. You cannot take the child out of the country without the other parent’s permission. This is the rule, but if you have a passport (for the child) and tickets you are unlikely to be stopped at the boarder, especially if you depart for the US from another EU country. IIRC you need both parents to sign to get a passport in Sweden. Where was you child born ? Does the child have a certificate of consular birth and/or a US passport ?

[Bikers4Bush]

"(he is especially unkind to my son, a four year old"

Her words, not mine.

[Architect]

I have been having serious marriage difficulties and have finally resigned myself that a divorce is in the best intrest of all of us.

Yeah, right. Does your husband think so? Or your daughter? Or even your son?

Your complaints strike me as selfish and childish. Ever consider the possibility that this is why your previous marriage broke down? Maybe you should try to work it out this time. You've already put your son through one divorce. Destroying your daughter's family too will not make it better. And of course your husband is right to fight it.

[Architect]

Why are you encouraging this woman to destroy her daughter's home? Acting as enablers as she breaks her Vows a second time.