Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

THE SOUTH - LIKE IT OR WE'LL KICK YOUR A$$!
via email | Jan. 12, 2002 | Unknown

Posted on 01/12/2002 3:55:44 PM PST by jslade

The South......Like it or we will kick your ass!

Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.

Don't laugh at our Southern names. (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther, Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, etc.) These people have all been known to kick ass.

Don't order a bottle of pop of a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, or whatever - it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.

We know out heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass.

We have plenty of business sense (e.g. Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g. Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We can still kick your ass.

Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.

We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here - or we'll kick your ass.

Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended. Don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked.

Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a damn. Many of us have visited hellholes like Detroit, Chicage, L.A., and D.C., and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your ass home before it gets kicked.

Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ass.

Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes have caught fire like scenic Lake Erie once did. Whine about OUR scenic beauty, and we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.

Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say "sir" and "ma'am", hold doors open for others, and offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.

So you think we're quaint or we're losers because most of us like in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or L.A. Make fund of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass.

Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here trying to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot off (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Questions our sacred BBQ, and you'll go home in a pine box -minus your ass.

Y'all have a nice day!


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: dixie; thesouth
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 41-6061-8081-100 ... 501-515 next last
To: jslade
Being from the North Carolina, right near the South Carolina Border, I was raised saying "drink" for what ya'll call Coke.(The county I am from was dry at the time, no booze.) When we moved to KY everyone thought we were asking for alcohol, had to adjust that one real quick.

LOVE my sweet tea, everyone in KY thinks I'm nuts when I ask if their tea is sweet. "We got packets.." EEEEWWWWW! And never mind asking for grits. Never, ever eat grits without some butter in them.(Though they are real good with fried fish, yum!)Don't forget the collards, a lotta folks turn lots of colors when you talk about them, and the oysters, steamed open you scrape them out of the shell and slurp them down (with sweet tea and hush puppies).

And in my neck of the woods BBQ is PORK!! Not beef. We had them pig pickin's for everything..annivers'ries..weddin's, birthdays, the deer dog had puppies..shoot..we didn't need no stinking reason.

Sorry my post is so long...ya'll got me homesick..don't want mine kicked next..;-)
61 posted on 01/12/2002 6:00:39 PM PST by KY Dittohead
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jslade
yep!
62 posted on 01/12/2002 6:00:45 PM PST by rockfish59
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 54 | View Replies]

To: aomagrat
i think he was in the most awesome wreck EVER!

'never see me drivin' without 'em'!

63 posted on 01/12/2002 6:02:08 PM PST by rockfish59
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 55 | View Replies]

To: HangFire
funny bump y'all
64 posted on 01/12/2002 6:02:26 PM PST by lowbridge
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jslade
andersonville!

but the yanks weren't no damned better!

65 posted on 01/12/2002 6:04:11 PM PST by rockfish59
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: KY Dittohead
Ahhhhhhh! A pig pullin'.
66 posted on 01/12/2002 6:09:48 PM PST by jslade
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 61 | View Replies]

To: phelix
Is this true??lol
67 posted on 01/12/2002 6:11:35 PM PST by habs4ever
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 66 | View Replies]

To: jslade
ROFLMAO!! I am laughing so hard that I am crying, that was wonderful!!! I lived down south, and I could really hear my friend Dennie telling me this!! ROFLMAO!!!
68 posted on 01/12/2002 6:12:40 PM PST by Aric2000
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jslade
Can anyone imagine working as a waitperson in Atlanta during the Olympics and trying to explain grits to someone from - for example - Germany or Poland?
69 posted on 01/12/2002 6:13:50 PM PST by Marauder
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Hey Southerners, you'll earn my respect when you learn how to make pizza (hint - it does not taste like Domino's).

Actually, this "request" of mine goes out to anyone who lives more than 75 miles outside of NYC.

70 posted on 01/12/2002 6:14:42 PM PST by Senator Pardek
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 66 | View Replies]

To: KY Dittohead
Let me ammend that post. a pig pullin' over an open far with a bottle of Jack Daniels. And good company. Nirvana!
71 posted on 01/12/2002 6:14:56 PM PST by jslade
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 61 | View Replies]

To: buccaneer81
Bring that little tiny southern butt up here and we will do what us northern folk call ..open a can of whip ass on you..
72 posted on 01/12/2002 6:15:55 PM PST by Barbarian
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 50 | View Replies]

To: jslade
Here's a little test for those who might not be quite sure where they fit in along the north/south divide:

You Might be a Yankee if…


73 posted on 01/12/2002 6:16:24 PM PST by sweetliberty
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 60 | View Replies]

To: rockfish59
Was that the one where he flipped over the pit wall at Darlington and was almost ejected, or when he barrel rolled down the front stretch at Daytona and then got T-boned.
74 posted on 01/12/2002 6:16:58 PM PST by aomagrat
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 63 | View Replies]

To: Senator Pardek
Yea.. What about subs and steaks and do they know what a bagel is down yonder?
75 posted on 01/12/2002 6:17:46 PM PST by Barbarian
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 70 | View Replies]

To: Aric2000
It was emailed to me today from a friend in Houston. I had the same reaction and wanted to share it with my fellow Freepers.
76 posted on 01/12/2002 6:21:47 PM PST by jslade
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 68 | View Replies]

To: Barbarian
To them, a bagel is something they return to the bakery, because the glazed sugar and sprinkles were left off of it.
77 posted on 01/12/2002 6:22:55 PM PST by Senator Pardek
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 75 | View Replies]

To: sweetliberty
When I was stationed in Florida, I was up in the panhandle and was reminded by the locals that it wasn't really Florida, but L.A.(Lower Alabama). I was in Ft. Walton Beach at Eglin AFB.
78 posted on 01/12/2002 6:26:50 PM PST by Cornjonny
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 44 | View Replies]

To: Barbarian
Bring that little tiny southern butt up here and we will do what us northern folk call ..open a can of whip ass on you..

You don't even know the right terminology. It's WHUP ASS!

79 posted on 01/12/2002 6:27:06 PM PST by jslade
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 72 | View Replies]

To: jslade
"You don't even know the right terminology. It's WHUP ASS!"

LOL! There ya go!

80 posted on 01/12/2002 6:29:18 PM PST by sweetliberty
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 79 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 41-6061-8081-100 ... 501-515 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson