WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK!!!

carlbob | carlbob/rowdee

[Rowdee]

REASONS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS HARD TO LEARN:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

LET'S FACE IT--ENGLISH IS A CRAZY LANGUAGE!!!

1)There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
2) English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
3) Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

AND CONSIDER THIS......

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? Or, one goose, 2 geese? So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

Marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

[Rowdee]

I agree with you...even on the best days, it seems like there is too much 'junk' going there!

Have a nice New Year...

[RJayneJ]

A couple of years ago someone sent the bottom part of this article, and I posted it and got flamed for it. By the pros at that time. That was the first time I was flamed. But others came to the rescue.

[Husker24]

It seems like if you get on something its usually something large, like a bus, but when you get in something its usually something small, like a car.

[coloradan]

If Eskimos have 23 different words for snow and/or ice, do the English have 23 different words to express how the lift (elevator) is out of order? At least the French have hundreds and hundreds of words for cheese.

[coloradan]

Already covered in the article. Do try to keep up.

[Husker24]

Im confused about the elevator comment.

[Tony in Hawaii]

Die Wiener Waschweiber wollen weisse waeshche waschen

Isn't that what the witch doctor said?

[general_re]

With all its flaws, Enlish still beats Japanease, hell they have like 2500 letters in their alphabet. I wonder what their keyboards look like.

They look the same:

Err, like this:

Lots of chording, I guess ;)

[185JHP]

English is a great language - OTOH somehow we only have one word for love. Then again, we also only have one word for "you." And Mark Twain said "I'd rather decline two free meals than one German (forgot what goes here).

[Rowdee]

Actually, Rich, I have several of these sorts of lists stashed on discs in anticipation of getting a new computer. My old boss (part of the carlbob source)sent most of this to me in emails. I've been debating what to do with it....and when the 3 different uses of the word "present" in a sentence hit me, I figured out that the way our language has been bastardized coupled with these examples, is it any wonder that a world in which English has become the international language there would be people that hate us--might as well be this as whatever the President said or because of foreign policy.

And, of course, it was done with a look at a little gayness to celebrate the New Year. :)

[Rowdee]

Hey....good ones!

[Tony in Hawaii]

Calling a person who sews a "sewer" is just stupid, and it's a by-product of our PC age. The correct term is "seamstress".

And a male seamstress is just sad. :)

[VA Advogado]

With all its flaws, Enlish still beats Japanease, hell they have like 2500 letters in their alphabet.

Its not the words, its the spelling you have to worry about. :)

[Husker24]

Maybe they use some type of Japanease shorthand while typing.

[america76]

English is easy. You don't know s**t about s**t!

[general_re]

"I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective."

- Mark Twain, from "The Awful German Language"

One of my favorites ;)

[Nateman]

Since pro is the opposite of con the opposite of progress must be congress! ( See, it's not so hard sometimes! )

[Husker24]

Yes!....sh*t is an almost universal Enlish word you can put it in front or behind almost any word and it will make since. dumb sh*t, sh*t load, sh*t hole, piece of sh*t, sh*t head.

[general_re]

And a male seamstress is just sad

Would a male seamstress be a "seamster"? Could a woman truck-driver be a "Teamstress"?

[Sloth]

Flammable and inflammable are synonyms.

When's the last time you heard of anyone being gruntled, couth or combobulated?

There are a number of words like 'dust' 'moot' and 'with' that can mean exactly opposite things. (e.g., We fought with (alongside) the British in WWII; we fought with (against) the Germans in WWII.)

BTW, I agree with the earlier post thanking you for not posting this in "Breaking News" -- two clues: it's not news, and it's not breaking.