Posted on 12/31/2001 9:36:55 PM PST by Rowdee
REASONS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS HARD TO LEARN:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
LET'S FACE IT--ENGLISH IS A CRAZY LANGUAGE!!!
1)There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
2) English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
3) Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
AND CONSIDER THIS......
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? Or, one goose, 2 geese? So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
Marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And while I believe it could have easily fit on the Breaking News or Front Page as something to do with Politics or International Affairs or War, I finally opted for Culture and Society.
One may ask why would she consider this as anything to do with International or Foreign Affairs, and that is a legitimate question.
My answer, plain and simple: Down deep, I believe I've discovered the reason the rest of the world 'hates' us!
Please feel free to add to the lunacy that helps define we Americans!
Thank you for NOT putting this in "Breaking News"
1. Difference between "on" and "in". We get "on the bus" but "in the car." Why? What's the rule for "on" vs. "in?"
2. Why do we say our alarm "goes off" when in reality it turns on?
Then there's the Russkies, with Clara stealing Carl's Clarinet Klara u Karla ukrala klarnet... yo-moyo, all the languages are screwed up! HAPPY NEW YEAR!! S NOVYM GODOM!! FROHES NEU JAHR!! WOOP WOOP WOOP!!
Ginger, finger, and singer don't rhyme.
In that sentence only the word spelled 'present' could cause confusion. But 14 of the 17 words in that sentence would cause no problem. That's a pretty high ratio.
People put the darndest things in "Breaking News"
Because I don't FReep every hour of the day, I miss some of the real breaking news, it gets pushed off the list to make room for stupid stuff.
I have taken myself off cold water and cookies and returned to lukewarm water and cookiesbecause of spelling kicking with an 'l' instead of the 'k'.
Did you play Scrooge?
When I was in Junior High, I took a multi-languages class...something like 6 weeks on Spanish, 6 on French, 6 on Latin, and 6 or 8 on German. I took to Spanish like a duck to water, I liked Latin but given my goals in life, it would have been quite impractical, wasn't crazy about French, and found the gutteral German too much. The class was offered to students who were unsure of what language class they wanted to take.
I'm doing some Greek classes over the computer.
If conductors conduct, what do ambassadors do?
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