[vetvetdoug]

This is my first vanity post since coming to the FR. I'd like some advice.

[anniegetyourgun]

Click

[Cyber Liberty]

Don't blame yourself. And accept the prayers of all who offer....

[Bizzy Bugz]

I am so sorry for what happened to you. I have no advice to give you except to just always be close to your children and they will give you comfort. As well as they will need you now more that ever. My prayers are with you and your children.

[latrans]

I have wondered how I might handle it. I wish you strength. Talking with those who care is therapy.

[EggsAckley]

There is a book about grieving that has been a very big help to my mother and myself,
following two deaths in the family. It is by Elizabeth Neeld, and is called "Seven Choices."
I think it would help greatly. I only wish I'd found it a year earlier than I did, so do get it ASAP.
I got it from Amazon, but I'm sure most book stores carry it.

Deepest condolences and God bless.

[pollyshy]

Good heavens. Condolences and prayers for healing and mercy for all concerned. No advice - just plenty of prayers.

[jlogajan]

If suicide, probably during a deep depression -- therefore logic can never explain it. Don't try.

Generally people recover emotionally from deep losses in about a year and get on with life. Yeah, that's a while, but it means there is an end in sight to the worst pain.

[Revelation 911]

My sincere condolences and heartfelt prayers.

I've found the Psalms to be of great help in times of pain. There are so many feelings involved with suicide as well, that at times it is difficult to sort them out or identify each without the help of a caring friend or trusted Pastor.

My prayers are with you and your family.

[pubmom]

Prayers for you and your daughter.

[OldFriend]

Sometimes a person is so enveloped with their own pain, real or imagined, that reality is gone. No one can reach them and there really is no blame.........Ignore those who would add to your pain with senseless reasons and gossip. Accept the hugs and support of those who love you and give all the support you can to your child. Good Luck and try to find a support group who can assist you with the non-spiritual problems involved too.

[lysie]

So few words I can say. May He give you the needed strength to deal with your truly sad situation. You and your sweet daughter will be in my prayers.

[cschroe]

Put your trust in the Lord. Pray often and openly. You and your family will be in my prayers. God Bless You.

[oust the louse]

Please be strong for yourself and even stronger for your daughter.Keep your chin up and your heart open!Seek help from someone in a neutral position(outside friend/lawyer) to help with legal matters.Immerse yourself in that child and you will grow with her once again! Prayers and thoughts!

[wattsmag2]

Man can't. God can. My condolences.

[TheCPA]

I do express my deepest sympathies. Here is some advice I can offer about some of the financial aspects of your life: In the year of her death, you may file a joint income tax return with your deceased wife and claim an exemption deduction for her. Be sure to attach a copy of the death certificate. In the following two tax years if you do not remarry and you still can claim a dependency exemtpion for your daughter, you may file your federal income tax return under the filing status of widower with dependent child (also known as surviving spouse). This status allows you the benefit of the joint return rates, but you do not receive an exemption deduction for your deceased wife.

I would encourage you to write a will and name a guardian for your daugher in the event of your death. You should also consider nominating a successor or contingent guardian. Ask the people whom you nominate if they would be willing to serve. Buy sufficient life insurance so that the earnings on the proceeds would pay the your daughter's living expenses in the event of your untimely death. If you do not nominate a guardian for your daughter and you died, the court would appoint a guardian without knowing your wishes.

If your wife had a will, you should have it admitted to probate. If your wife did not have a will, you should consult an attorney to learn what, if anything, you need to do to perfect title to any property that she owned.

[spectre]

A heartfelt "I'm sorry".

Whenever I am looking for an answer, I always go to "google.com" and type in the subject and there are many, many links to help you there.

You have friends here on FR, and we're here for you 24/7. God Bless.

sw

[Nita Nupress]

Find a good support group, doug. And keep reaching out to others around you who will help you get through this (like posting this thread). The last thing you want to do is to bottle things up and not have an emotional release. Your daughter needs you now more than ever, and you can't help her if you fall apart. Be strong, but allow yourself to vent at the same time. That's what's so great about support groups. Everyone understands exactly what you're going through. You get to release all that sadness, angst, and anger, then you can go home and be emotionally strong for your daughter.

Suicide never makes sense to the survivors. It's a stupid and selfish act that leaves all the loved ones with many unanswered questions and tons of uneccesary and unwarranted guilt. It does help to realize that most people who commit such a selfish act are clinically sick and not fully capable of seeing their life situation for what it is.

Although age three is too young to think abstractly, hug her and love her and try your hardest to make her understand that Mommy didn't do this because of anything she did or didn't do. Three-year-olds think very concretely; your goal right now and in the years ahead should be to keep her from internalizing this as somehow being her (or your) fault. Or that she (or you) could have prevented it.

Help your daughter fight the "If only" thinking as she gets older. Mommy was sick. She was not in her right mind. She was not capable of making decisions because of her sickness.

Don't rule out play therapy with a qualified therapist; perhaps not now but when she's a little older. Studies have shown that children who have a parent who committed suicide are more likely to do the same, apparently because they learn that suicide becomes an "acceptable" method of escape or coping.

I hope this helps. May God be with you and your daughter in the days ahead. (((( Hugs! ))))

[wimpycat]

Ooooh, I wish I knew what to say to you. Shock, denial, anger, depression and acceptance are the 5 stages of grief. I'm sure you're going to be very angry with her for a long time. Don't be afraid of your anger; it's very natural, even when someone dies naturally. When someone dies, especially this way, all kinds of weird feelings arise. All I can say is don't be afraid of your feelings and don't try to squelch them, but find a way to express them in a way that won't scare or confuse your daughter too much.

I would suggest professional grief counseling for you and your daughter and a support group for suicide survivors. Ask for a recommendation from a hospital, your family doctor, or someone else you have faith in to steer you towards a reputable counselor and support group, not a bunch of quacks.

Cry a lot. Don't hold back the tears. I don't know if that's good advice to give to a man, but most women know that a "good cry" can let out a lot of feelings and keep them from building up to the breaking point.

I'm truly sorry for you and your family. People kill themselves for all sorts of reasons and there aren't any easy answers.

Lots of us will be praying for you and I'm sure you have friends that will be very understanding, but professional grief counseling for both you and your daughter and a support group can help you in a way your friends and family won't be able to.

[South Dakota]

endure,endure ,endure. take life 5 minutes at a time to get along,two minutes at a time,1 minute at time.Do not dwell on shoulda,coulda,would haves. Take time out to be happy in simple things

[Osinski]

Such sadness and grief. You have your daughter as she has you. Take time to think. Your feelings need to be. My heartfelt sympathy and good wishes. This pain will pass and life will go on. Please take the time to heal.