Vanity: Worst Baby Names

11/26/01

[Phantom Lord]

Alright, this is a total vanity. I didn't post it under "Breaking News" so relax.

My mother and aunts have been pestering my wife and I about when we are going to have children. Lately, we have taken to coming up with the worst possible names for babies and telling them we are considering names first. Well, they get real upset with some of them and even get angry with us for even considering them.

My mother in law is coming down for Christmas and it is inevitable that when she, my mother, and my aunts get together they will gang up on us about having kids. So, what I need from my fellow FReepers is a good list of really bad baby names to suggest to them as names we are considering. You help and creativity is greatly appreciated.

Oh, the last name is Terwilliger if that helps at all.

[masadaman]

Sorry that I missed the first 400 or so suggestions but what about all the two-way names of yesteryear: Dale, Gale, Merle, Shirley, Evelyn, Gene, Carroll, Beryl, Fay, Kay, Lee, Leslie, Blair, Blaine and Glen for starters. I went to school with I. B. Sharpe (she was) and Ira Elegant (he was as well).

For Terwilliger, how about any name beginning with the letter "N" like Norman who would then be Enter Williger.

[OneWayToGo]

Worst name ever:

Shithead pronounced "Sha-theed"

[asneditor]

I nominate this the worst thread to ever hit Free Republic; hands down.

[Silly]

Worst Biblical names: Cain, Ananaias and Jezebel. Stick with John, Mary and Michael.

Worst product names (people who name their children after products should be shot): E-Z Off, Panasonic, Spic-N-Span. Better: Remington Microshave.

Worst gender-bending names: boys named "Sue;" girls named Dick. Better: Chris and Pat.

Worst earth/nature names: Hurricane or Mud. Slightly better: Rain and Sky.

Worst "character" names: Hysteria, Caprice, Dyslexia. Slightly better: Chastity or Charity. Best: Faith and Hope.

Worst names from literature: Fagin, Scrooge. Better: Oliver, Dorothy.

Worst alternate spellings: Gennifer, Vickee. Better: Tomas, Stefan.

Just plain cruel: Robot, Dog-boy, Pumpkin, Weiner, Fish.

[BlueMeanie]

How about Wookie?

[Mommyof3]

My maiden name is VanCampen. When we were growing up my little brother swore he would name his kids Five Slamma Jamma VanCampen and WANG VanCampen. Fast forward 20 years and his wife was pregnant with twin boys. Up until the day they were born he swore he was going to stick with Five Slamma Jamma and Wang. My mother was not sure he was kidding. Fortunatly the boys ended up with nice normal names. I still think of them as Slamma and Wang.

[PleaseNoMore]

I can't think of any bad ones that aren't already mentioned.

I have a :

Wesleigh Michelle ( daughter )

Mason Tyler ( son )

Miles Andrew ( son )

Jacob Emery ( son )

The names may not be original but the kids sure are!

[rightofrush]

If you are one to follow trends, the most popular boy's name in the most populous state is Juan.

[Lauratealeaf]

I like your grandmother's name too. Of course, my mother wanted to name me Annabelle Lee after the poem and my Dad prevailed on her not to do that. His argument was that in the south women named "Belle" didn't fare very well. I always liked my great-grandmother's name, Margaret Clementine too. But, I didn't name my daughters for her. I named one after my sister and my sister-in-law and one for my other greatgrandmother, Kathryn. My Dad always hated his middle name which is Eugene. He could never understand why his Mother did that to him. And, yet, he signs his woodcarvings, "Eugene" if they are different and odd. But, the joke in our family is that none of us will name our children "Bob". My father is a Bob, my brother is a Bob, I married a Bob and my sister married a Bob. (who was the son of a Bob) I have two cousins named Bob and when I was a kid I had a Bobcat. So, there are enough Bobs in the family.

[Skip Ripley]

Well then an urban legend walked up to my sister in law when she worked as a receptionist at a Hospital.

Should I ask her if the hermaphrodite Jamie Lee Curtis was with them?

[Frank_2001]

And the worst name of all: Osama!

[nolu chan]

Orancha (as in the tennis star. sorry, even in Spanish, that's a horrendous-sounding name)

Arantxa is the tennis player.

Her native language would be Catalan. The name "Arantxa" is actually a derivation from the name of a Basque saint and appears in different forms throughout the Basque region. The "txa" at the end of her name is because she uses a regional spelling. In Castillian Spanish, it is spelled "Arancha".

I concede, none of that will make it music to your ears.

[TYBEEISLAND]

HILLARY, AND BILL....... SORRY IF IT'S BEEN TAKEN ALREADY!

[Texas Gal]

Some brainiac friend of my mom's tried to seriously talk her into naming me Ophelia Cornelia. My dad saved me from being named Vadina Gay.

[austinTparty]

Eek... I have a Chloé... don't want anyone to think I was being trendy :^)

[daler]

I went to school with a guy named Percy Wunderlick.

I figure his parents were real, real cruel.

As to a first name, though, I would think Cuthbert takes the cake.

[doberville]

I LIKE Angelina Configliardini as a name! Very musical.

[doberville]

Sorry. No 'r' in 'meconium'. There might be 'p' though.

[doberville]

My all-time worst name EVER: HUGH PUGH, who was known as. . .Phewie Hughie,

For real - I swear to Ray Charles.

[Tall_Texan]

All-Time Worst NFL Name:

Hard to top Fair Hooker....

Honorary Mention (from 17th ed. Sports Encyclopedia): Vickey Ray Anderson, Ephesians Bartley, Aubrey Beavers, Veno Belk, Lou Benfatti, Orlando Bobo, Jocelyn Borgella, Cap Boso, Garland Boyette, Bubby Brister, Tedy Bruschi, Plaxico Burress, Butler By'not'e, Mossy Cade, Stoney Case, Kerry Cash, Alcides Catanho, Boobie Clark, Topper Clemons, Stalin Colinet, Ferric Collons, Toi Cook, Carlester Crumpler, Kirby Dar Dar, Dermontti Dawson, Jimmy DeRatt, Jim Dick, Bucky Dilts, Demetrius DuBose, Forey Duckett, Jubilee Dunbar, Onzy Elam, Jimbo Elrod, Julian Fagan, Jitter Fields, Jean Fugett, Wentford Gaines, Hokie Gajan, Thane Gash, Blenda Gay, African Grant, Torrian Gray, Ruffin Hamilton, Kwante Hampton, Emile Harry, Hessley Hempstead, I.M. Hipp, Priest Holmes, Estus Hood, Harlan Huckleby, Tunch Ilkin, Tyoka Jackson, Dietrich Jells, Trezelle Jenkins, Filmel Johnson, Undra Johnson, Rulon Jones, Vyto Kab, Muadianvita Kazadi, Leander Knight, Le-Lo Lang, Oudious Lee, Zeph Lee, Kamil Loud, Pratt Lyons, Massimo Manca, D'Artangian Martin, Saladin Martin, Deems May, Alvoid Mays, Kivuusama Mays, Hurvin McCormack, Kez McCorvey, Loaird McCreary, John McCrumbly, Mardye McDole, Molly McGee, Kanavis McGhee, Karmeeleyah McGill, Kaipo McGuire, Secedrick McIntyre, Zion McKinney, Terdell Middleton, Ostell Miles, Bronzell Miller, Lawyer Milloy, Wonder Monds, Maulty Moore, Haven Moses, Zefross Moss, Browning Nagle, Bjorn Nittmo, Chip Nuzzo, Benji Olson, Eldonta Osborne, Tinker Owens, Sirr Parker, Reno Patterson, Marvcus Patton, Bryce Paup, Christian Peter, Elex Price, Latario Rachal, Errict Rhett, Buster Rhymes, Golden Richards, Travis Roach, Lybrant Robinson, Samari Rolle, Durwood Roquemore, Orpheous Roye, Sebastian Savage, Tawambi Settles, George Shorthose, Alshermond Singleton, Laverne Smith, Vernice Smith, Revie Sorey, Ramondo Stallings, Santo Stephens, Lemuel Stinson, Garth Ten Napel, Ratcliffe Thomas, Weegie Thompson, Godwin Turk, Gunnard Twyner, Norwood Vann, Bracey Walker, Herkie Walls, Elbert Watts, Elnardo Webster, Tripp Welbourne, Aeneas Williams (or Anus Williams as Pat Summerall has pronounced it), Dokie Williams, Lamanzer Williams, Stepfret Williams, Sheddrick Wilson, Tydus Winans, Garo Yepremian, Roynell Young.