Vanity: Worst Baby Names

11/26/01

[Phantom Lord]

Alright, this is a total vanity. I didn't post it under "Breaking News" so relax.

My mother and aunts have been pestering my wife and I about when we are going to have children. Lately, we have taken to coming up with the worst possible names for babies and telling them we are considering names first. Well, they get real upset with some of them and even get angry with us for even considering them.

My mother in law is coming down for Christmas and it is inevitable that when she, my mother, and my aunts get together they will gang up on us about having kids. So, what I need from my fellow FReepers is a good list of really bad baby names to suggest to them as names we are considering. You help and creativity is greatly appreciated.

Oh, the last name is Terwilliger if that helps at all.

[ThomasMore]

The two weirdest names I ever heard were Moon Unit and Dweezil Zappa. Of course, anyone who remembers Frank Zappa, the father, can understand how these two got their names.

[Moebius Quagmire]

Netanyahu Bershmertnik GaliGali Terwilliger.

[Bill Rice]

How about Louis Dufong Terwilliger?

BTW - I once heard of a little Black girl with the first name of Merconium. Her mom said it was suggested by the nurses. (Merconium is the medical term for a newborn's first bowel movement.)

[wideawake]

Check out post #85 for the ridiculous names I have personally encountered.

And my mother taught a little girl named Plasenta. She told my mom it meant pleasant in African.

[Constitution Day]

LOL - That was John Wayne Gacy, IIRC!

[coder2]

When I was expecting my first, we joked we were going to name it Boris Otis

LOL !!! We did the same thing, but our name was WANDA ETHEL... I knew we would never name our kid that !!!

[Jen]

My niece's name, no kidding, is Raven Cheyenne. She's a redhead. Go figure.

[Happygal]

``Shame on you for naming your child 'Shame Us!' JoeSchem...that would make you a Seosamh (pronounced..(Show SUV)...suits you sir! *L*).

[Zorobabel]

When my young son would get out of hand at a restaurant, he and daddy would take a "timeout" in the men's restroom. He would be a perfect little gentleman after that. Needless to say after one or two "timeouts," just the threat of a timeout was enough to keep him on his best behavior.

[texgal]

In doing some research into family trees I found several on my side of the family that were doozies (first & middle names) . . .

Missouri Amazon

Pinkney Andrew

Prebble Ann

Creble

Kezziah

[jrg]

Plaxico......Can't remember which NFL team he plays for, but every time I hear the name (Plaxico Burress, I believe), I just wonder what the hell the parents were thinking when they named him....

[Phantom Lord]

Walterine! I love it! My grandfather is named Walter, as is his son (my uncle). Can easily pawn it off as honoring my grandfather.

[Alouette]

Why not tell them that you don't plan on giving your kid a name until he's or she is old enough to pick one out for him/herself. Until then, you plan on calling the offspring "The Kid."

[dighton]

Hmmmmm. He still has time to change it.

Perhaps my sources were wrong, and only 99.7% of all middle-name Waynes go to prison. May your uncle be among the lucky 0.3%.

;-)

[Fintan]

This site might come in handy...

And although I don't have children (that I know of), I've always wanted to try these names out if I did:

• Guinness
• Jameson
• Cohiba
• Arturo Fuente
• W. Pleasure
• W. Funn
• La Gloria Cubana
• Bushmill
• Your Name Here
• Resident
• Occupant

[Slyfox]

Some of my favorite worst names:

Shakeesha
LaTyrone
Buford
and drumroll please:

LaTrina

[gridlock]

You could go with something historical. I don't think Sirhan Sirhan Tewilliger or John Wilkes Tewilliger is taken.

The single most unfortunately named person I ever met was a sales rep for our local telephone company named Glen Cambell. I was the first person to a meeting of 12 with this guy once, and every single person who was introduced to him said "Hey, Witchita Lineman", or "Are you a lineman for the county?" Ten in a row, no lie. He must get really tired of that. I think I would have to change my name to "Rover" or something more dignified.

[lennydetroit]

My wife once taught a little kid named Lemonjello, pronounced Luh-mon'-juh-low.

LOL. She wouldn't have taught in Detroit by any chance? If so, I must have had his brother, O'rangejello (O rahn' juh lo). Honest.

Some other unusual names from my classes: Hammer Hatchett, Kuklamaker Mallory, Kaganovich Germany, Forrest Fuggerson (he swore it was pronounce ferguson, but that's how it was spelled for the record), numerous LaTrina's, and some first names, whose last names I forget -- Queen, Princess, America, LaRossignol, Baby, DeVil, LaToilet (la tow lay')DeMerit, and many, many others that I have tried to forget in retirement.

Regards, Lenny

[Martin Tell]

If nobody has beaten me to it (wow this is a fast-developing thread): Flannery O'Connor's "Good Country People." Frankly, I prefer "Joy."

We have a winner! Your prize is a hollowed out Bible, an artificial leg, and a glass eye.

[Snowy]

also lived close to a guy named Peter Holder (Ha Ha)

I work with someone who knows a "Rhoda Book" and "Crystal Chanda Lear". Some vendor of ours is "Dick Trickle" (honest).