Posted on 11/22/2001 11:16:43 PM PST by StoneColdGOP
A German scientist claims the old adage about blondes having more fun is no longer true. Professor Hans Juergens says his research proves brunettes now have more fun. He believes men want to marry blondes like Claudia Schiffer but have affairs with brunettes like Catherine Zeta Jones. Professor Juergens says men associate blondes with marriage and washing powder but brunettes with sex.
To test his theory the professor from Kiel put two ads in a newspaper pretending to be a 26-year-old woman looking for marriage. In one he made her blonde, in the other a brunette. "The men wanted to bed the dark-haired women, but were thinking of sharing their lives or building a house with the blonde," he said.
Professor Juergens says advertisers have already cottoned on to changing attitudes about hair color. "Almost everything that is associated with washing and cleaning materials is advertised with a blonde," he said. Dark-haired women, said the professor, are usually used to sell chocolate, alcoholic drinks and sexy underwear.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender for some drinks: Brunette: “I’ll have a B and C.” Bartender: “What is a B and C?” Brunette: “Bourbon and Coke.” Redhead: “And, I’ll have a G and T.” Bartender: “What’s a G and T?” Redhead: “Gin and tonic.” Blonde: “I’ll have a 15.” Bartender: “What’s a 15? Blonde: “7 and 7”
What a great thread!
No, I didn't marry her. My wife knows her well, though, and has even better stories to relate.
And no, I don't believe blondes are stupid. But this one was amazingly childlike and naive.
Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready."
A few weeks later Elly was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker.
"Wonderful!" she replied, "However, there's one thing I don't understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?"
A blonde goes for a job interview and the interviewer starts with the basics. “Miss, would you please tell me your age?” The blonde hesitates then starts to count carefully on her fingers for half a minute before finally saying. “I’m...ahh...22.” The interviewer asks, “And how tall are you, please?” The young lady stands up, pulls a measuring tape from her handbag, steps on one end and brings the other end to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, “I’m five foot two.” This isn’t looking too good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something she won’t have to count, measure, or lookup. “Just to confirm for our records, what is your name please?” The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself. finally, she says, “My name is Jenny.” The interviewer is perplexed, but finally he asks, “What were you doing when I asked you your name?” “I was just running through that song.” “What song?” “You know, ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...’”
A cop walks in and recongizes them and knows they were all underage. As he approached the girls, they all bolted.
They ran into an alley where there were three trash bags. With the cop coming, they quickly hid in the bags. The officer comes looking and kicks the first bag (where the brunette was) and she says "meow" and the officer says "oh it's just a stupid cat".
Then he kicks the next bag (where the redhead girl was) and she says "woof woof" and the officer says "it's only a stupid alley dog".
Then he kicks the last bag (where the blonde is hiding) and she says "potato's potato's."
Now I am in trouble....
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel "Any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around and had a long look at the road behind them. "Yeah, looks like it."
"Are his flashers on?" asked the brunette
The blonde turned around again, "Yup .... nope .... yup .... nope .... yup .... nope .... yup ....."
Two casino dealers are waiting idly at the craps table when a beautiful blonde comes in and asks if she could bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. “And,” she adds, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m naked.” With that she takes off everything but her necklace, rolls the dice, then starts yelling, “Mama needs new clothes.” When the dice stop she screams, “Yes, yes, yes! I won, I won, I won!” and she jumps up and down and, while still nude, she hugs and kisses both of the dealers passionately. Then she picks up the money, gathers all of her clothes and leaves. The dealers can only stare at her very nude and well rounded shapely behind as it vanishes into the casino crowd, then one of the dealers ask, “What did she roll, anyway?" The other answers, “I don’t know. I thought you were watching.”
A blonde pulls over at the gas station, gets out of her car, opens the hood, and checks the engine oil. After a few seconds of intelligent thinking, she takes the dipstick in her hand and proudly walks up to the attendant.
"Excuse me sir, but can I buy a longer dipstick?"
"May I ask why you need a longer one ma'am?"
"Because this one isn't long enough to reach the oil!"
A young woman shopping at the grocery store goes to the express lane with the following items:
1 pint of milk
1 short loaf of bread
1 small jar of peanut butter
1 grapefruit
1 pack of single-serving canned tuna
1 box of instant soup mix
1 small jar of spaghetti sauce
1 frozen dinner
The young man at the register scans each of the items and says to the young lady, “Well, I guess you’re single, aren’t you?”
With a blush and a smile, she rolls her eyes wistfully and says, “Gee, how could you tell?”
“Because you’re ugly.”
Besides... it's only the fake blondes that are stupid, they bleach their brains along with their hair. ;^)
But I'll play along... here's some of the bestest blondes:
Now I am in trouble....
Why? Do you wanna be? :)
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
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