A blonde pulls over at the gas station, gets out of her car, opens the hood, and checks the engine oil. After a few seconds of intelligent thinking, she takes the dipstick in her hand and proudly walks up to the attendant.
"Excuse me sir, but can I buy a longer dipstick?"
"May I ask why you need a longer one ma'am?"
"Because this one isn't long enough to reach the oil!"
A young woman shopping at the grocery store goes to the express lane with the following items:
1 pint of milk
1 short loaf of bread
1 small jar of peanut butter
1 grapefruit
1 pack of single-serving canned tuna
1 box of instant soup mix
1 small jar of spaghetti sauce
1 frozen dinner
The young man at the register scans each of the items and says to the young lady, “Well, I guess you’re single, aren’t you?”
With a blush and a smile, she rolls her eyes wistfully and says, “Gee, how could you tell?”
“Because you’re ugly.”