HALF-MAN, HALF-DINOSAUR: "FIND ME A WOMAN BEFORE I EXPLODE!"

WWN (the pinnacle of reliable news!) ^

[Sir Gawain]

WASHINGTON - A bizarre half-man, half-dinosaur captured in the Peruvian rain forest back in 1996 is begging scientists "for a woman," and says if he doesn't get one soon, "I'll explode"!

And because the strange creature is said to be both super-sensitive and super-moody, the woman chosen to satisfy his physical needs will have to be, in the words of one researcher, "exceptionally patient and understanding, willing to put up with his bizarre and often extreme moods, and also able to endure his strange, sawdust-like smell."

"Ordinarily we'd be hesitant to even reveal the existence of this creature," continues the source, one of 11 scientists who are said to be observing the creature in an unidentified research center in northern Michigan.

"But we're becoming very concerned about him. We're afraid if he doesn't find a mate soon, he'll die."

The source, who spoke to a handful of trusted reporters on condition of anonymity, says the creature - playfully dubbed "Dino Man" by scientists - has several traits that would appeal to "just about any woman," including:

• He's a good listener, although it is often unclear how much of what he listens to he actually understands.
• He's reasonably intelligent, consistently scoring 80 to 85 on intelligence tests, which is just slightly below average for humans.
• He is bilingual and speaks Spanish and English on the level of a 10-year-old child.
• He has excellent posture, a muscular body and the reflexes of an athlete.
• But there are, continues the source, a few negative points. Among them:
• He has reptilian skin.
• He has long, slimy fingers.
• He eats bugs, small animals such as mice and rats and even freshly uprooted plants.
• He snores, whistles, grunts and screeches in his sleep - often at noise levels up to 125 decibels, which rivals the noise generated by a speeding locomotive or a loud rock band such as Aerosmith or the Rolling Stones.

"He's acting like a panda in captivity," explains the source. "He's not eating. He's not sleeping.

"This isn't unlike the behavior we would expect from a human male in captivity. After months without 'companionship', males of any species tend to get edgy."

That's why scientists have leaked word of Dino Man's existence to the outside world. They're hoping a potential partner will come forward.

"But it needs to happen very quickly," says the source. "Otherwise, I'm afraid Dino Man may soon become extinct."

LADIES! HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO MATE DINOMAN!

Ladies, if you're attracted to Dino Man or would just like to become his mate send us a letter, 200 words or less, stating why Dino Man should choose you as his companion. Write: Dino Man c/o Weekly World News, 5401 NW Broken Sound Blvd., Boca Raton, FL 33487. Or e-mail: editor@weeklyworldnews.com

We'll happily forward all your letters to him. Dino Man can't wait to hear from you!

[gjenkins]

"FIND ME A WOMAN BEFORE I EXPLODE!"

Poor wittle dinosaur guy ... I just don't want to be around when it happens.

[Squantos]

LOL !.......Well this tops the ad in the personal section of the Dallas Texas Paper........

Premature ejactulator with short appendage seeks female with short attention span and no depth perception for occasional date........

Stay Safe Sirgawain

[TheBigB]

The sad part is that I haven't gottten one darn response yet. :(

[TigersEye]

And because the strange creature is said to be both super-sensitive and super-moody, the woman chosen to satisfy his physical needs will have to be, in the words of one researcher, "exceptionally patient and understanding, willing to put up with his bizarre and often extreme moods, and also able to endure his strange, sawdust-like smell."

Yeah, but the good thing is I smell like Cedar sawdust!

[Gumption]

if he doesn't get one soon, "I'll explode"!

Either way, I see a Daisy Cutter of an explosion in Dino-mans future.

[Tony in Hawaii]

The Weekly World News must be a really fun place to work.
I'll bet their sides are aching from laughter every day.

[BabylonXXX]

World Weekly News:

Best damned investigative reporting on the planet.

[RummyChick]

Take a cue from the one-eyed Talinut - USE A GOAT

[Sabertooth]

More sightings...

[Sabertooth]

Need blood?

On second thought....

[Gumption]

I was sooooooooooo scared of Sleestack (sp?) when I was a kid. I would have nightmares about them chasing me through apartment complex. But I still watched every Saturday morning. It was a love-hate relationship.

Thanks for the memories.

[Victoria Delsoul]

LOL! you're good! hahaha.

[Junior]

The photo at the top is from a British museum display of what an intelligent dinosaur would have looked like had dino evolution not been cut short by a very big rock.

[Sabertooth]

You might enjoy this thread.

Saturday Morning Golden Age

Takes a little while to load, but it's a fun one.

[Nachum]

My children would state that their parent's intelligence is just about equal to Dinoman.

They of course say that they are much more intelligent than their parents.

[Sir Gawain]

Voltron ruled.

[Sabertooth]

[LizM]

Hehehe...maybe we could send him Janet Reno. Wonder what half-man, half-dinosaur man and half-man, half-ice woman Reno would produce?

[LizM]

Aw...you beat me to it, Rich.