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CARDS YOU'LL NEVER SEE IN HALLMARK
E-mail | unknown

Posted on 09/09/2001 11:27:21 AM PDT by EveningStar

Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder:.............
What was I thinking?

Congratulations on your wedding day!.............
Too bad no one likes your wife.

How could two people as beautiful you............
have such an ugly baby?

I've always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love.........
After having met you, I've changed my mind.

I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...........
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am.......
that you're not here to ruin it for me.

As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've
given me.
Like the need for therapy...

Thanks for being a part of my life!!!..........
I never knew what evil was before this!

Before you go,.........
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
You'll probably need it again.

Someday I hope to get married............
but not to you.

You look great for your age.......
Almost Lifelike!

When we were together, you always said you'd die for
me.........
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your
promise.

I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my
best
friend.......
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.

We have been friends for a very long time...........
What do you say we call it quits?

I'm so miserable without you..................
It's almost like you're here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...............
Did you ever find out who the father was?

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship
and there was only one life jacket....
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
birthday---------
So we're having you put to sleep.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS:
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1 posted on 09/09/2001 11:27:21 AM PDT by EveningStar
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To: EveningStar
I like Homer Simpson's version: "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpville. Population: you."
2 posted on 09/09/2001 11:31:37 AM PDT by Hillary 666
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To: EveningStar
"Quit your squawking, It's only stalking."
3 posted on 09/09/2001 11:34:02 AM PDT by Storm Orphan
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To: EveningStar
I'm sorry to send this late

I wish I hadn't even remembered you.

4 posted on 09/09/2001 11:44:59 AM PDT by DainBramage
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To: all
Or how about:

So, you're getting married...
I didn't even know you were pregnant.

5 posted on 09/09/2001 11:55:45 AM PDT by DC Ripper
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To: EveningStar
Farewell and good luck. And remember:
    We were always laughing with you.

6 posted on 09/09/2001 12:30:30 PM PDT by DonQ
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To: EveningStar
We have been friends for a very long time...........
What do you say we call it quits?

Sadly, this one is appropriate for me today.

7 posted on 09/09/2001 1:56:51 PM PDT by justlurking
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To: EveningStar
Vague recollections of Letterman, I believe:

"Just thinking of you. Something a court order can't make me stop."

8 posted on 09/09/2001 1:57:39 PM PDT by Calvin Locke
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To: anyone who cares
Money's tight
Times are hard
Here's your ****ing
Birthday card
9 posted on 09/09/2001 2:15:44 PM PDT by EveningStar
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To: justlurking
From the tone of your reply I am saddened even though I don't know the circumstances.

I wish you good success with whatever is left, time, property and issue for all concerned.

10 posted on 09/09/2001 2:16:14 PM PDT by VOYAGER
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To: justlurking
Sorry just, Did you loose a friend?
11 posted on 09/09/2001 2:24:35 PM PDT by DooDahhhh
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To: justlurking
Awwww I am sorry.
12 posted on 09/09/2001 2:30:10 PM PDT by Neets
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To: justlurking
Bummer.
13 posted on 09/09/2001 2:30:43 PM PDT by humblegunner
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To: justlurking
I'm sorry. :(
14 posted on 09/09/2001 2:34:20 PM PDT by EveningStar
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To: EveningStar
BUMP!
15 posted on 09/09/2001 2:36:30 PM PDT by SAMWolf
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To: DonQ
100,000 competing sperm,...
and YOU were first???
16 posted on 09/09/2001 2:38:50 PM PDT by aimhigh
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To: EveningStar
My favorite: The weather is here, wish you were beautiful."
17 posted on 09/09/2001 2:41:42 PM PDT by Jaxter
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To: EveningStar
Great Post!!

Does anybody know what happened to the Redneck Haiku's? Are they just so old now that the thread has dissolved?

18 posted on 09/09/2001 2:47:50 PM PDT by MHT
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To: EveningStar

19 posted on 09/09/2001 2:51:27 PM PDT by deport
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To: MHT
Wish I'd book marked it. In the mean time here's some red neck computer terminology.
20 posted on 09/09/2001 2:57:04 PM PDT by HiTech RedNeck
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