Posted on 09/05/2001 2:02:56 PM PDT by SAMWolf
... she has an uncanny way of standing between me and the television screen. Bases loaded, two strikes, three balls. The crowd goes wild, the pitch flies, and all I can see is her butt.
--Howard, Dodge City, Kan.
... she was furious when I got up early once and made her breakfast. Called me controlling. How dare I decide that she would eat breakfast, let alone what she'd have?>br> --Ted, Wexford, Pa.
.. what's mine is hers. I buy her negligees; she sleeps in my T-shirts. When she's cold she wears my wool socks to bed, never her own. She steals my half-used razors; new ones are too sharp. She even wears my boxers. I'm tempted to switch to briefs just to see what she'd do.
--Dave, Martha's Vineyard, Mass.
... she makes lists. Things to buy. Things to do. People to call. If it's not on the list, it doesn't get done. Once, to be funny, I put "sex" on the list. Mistake. Now it has to be on the list or it doesn't get done.
--Nick, Wheeling, W.Va.
... when she gets an idea in her head, there's no stopping her. And no rest for anyone until it's done. It's not so bad when the idea is to bake cookies, or even to go on vacation. But when it's to build a new house, or to get pregnant, things get pretty intense.
--Jim, Minneapolis
... you can hear her eat soup from the next room.
--Bruce, Bridgewater, N.J.
... my wife thinks everyone should be a vegetarian. During meals, she asks people how they can eat dead cows, or if they know that their pork chops used to be smarter than their dogs.
--Miles, Shreveport, La.
... every so often boom she's a brunette. Or I come home to a redhead. Actually, I have no ideawhat her natural color is.
--Cary, Seattle
... she'll brush her teeth but she won't go to the dentist. She says she's not afraid of the pain, she just doesn't want to put herself in the hands of any fellow who'd choose to be a dentist.
--Terence, Gary, Ind.
... she's stopped shaving her legs. She says that now people will know she's a natural blonde.
--Ned, Tucson, Ariz.
... she takes her half of the bed out of the middle.
-Robin, Gladwyne, Pa.
... have you ever seen a woman with green crust and slime smeared over her face, dark holes for her nostrils? Do you think you'd be able to sleep at night, knowing that creature is next to you?
-Arthur, Cedar City, Utah
... my wife's allergic to everything. Her nose is chronically stuffed. If I kissed her on the mouth, she'd suffocate.
--Bryan, Toledo, Ohio
... after sex, I mean the second after, she continues where she left off. Her eyes open and before you can breathe, you hear, " ... and, oh, yeah, I have to defrost the chicken, and your mother wants you to pick up her dry cleaning ..."
--Jimmy, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
... in bed I'm her high school teacher, captain of the football team, her boss, the bad boy, a waiter, a lifeguard, a telephone repairman, a cop. Once in a while I'd like to be me.
--Neil, Orlando, Fla.
... she wears these false eyelashes. She left 'em lying around and I slammed 'em with my newspaper, tried to kill the damn things. Scared me half to death.
--Gordon, Oklahoma City, Okla.
... she takes those soaps too seriously. I'll come home and find her in tears because some character died. Or upset that some nonexistent guy's having a fictional affair.
--Archie, St. Louis
... she will not shop at discount stores or sales. She thinks they're crowded and plebian. She doesn't even look at the reduced rack, other than, perhaps, for gifts for my mother.
--Conrad, Wilmington, Del.
... it annoys her that our children look like me.
--James, New Orleans
... counting my wife and our teenage girls, that's four women. Somebody's always got PMS.
--Everett, Little Rock, Ark.
... with five kids, I don't have time to complain about my wife. I don't have time to notice her.
--Bob, Charleston, W.Va.
Me, too. Men are so easily manipulated.
Just to make it fair, maybe we should tie half our boobs behind our backs.
Thank the Lord, my wife has about another 15 years before she'll be able to do that.
ROTFLMAO at the mental picture I just had.
Some are. Some just let you think they are. And every now and then you'll run into one with whom you'll only get to manip before you get ulated. :^)
Ooooooh... I like that one. Mind if I use it sometime?
I'm in trouble, mine are big, but they won't reach back there.
P.S. FrogDad wants to see you when you get yours back there!
That's the beauty of it. It doesn't matter -- the end result is the same. Even if a man is just pretending that he doesn't catch on that he's being manipulated, he goes along with whatever his woman wants because his hormones kick in and he loses all control. It's worth it to him [...pant...pant..]
It's a win-win situation for both of them, but the woman ends up getting more than the man...
The man gets sex and that's it.
The woman gets sex plus what she originally wanted!
Ummmmm.... Tell him not to hold his breath!
Ppfffhhhggt!
Boy! You've led a sheltered life.
Just for the record, here are the three things I hate the most, in ascending order:
"Honey, how would you like your potatoes tonight?"
"Oh...fried, I guess."
"I think I'll fixed mashed."
[If she's gonna mash 'em anyway (which I like, too, btw), why not just do it, instead of asking what I want and doing what she wants instead? Aaarrrgghh!]
Waiting until I'm engrossed in something (doesn't matter what - a book, something on the TV, another conversation with someone else, whatever - to say "We need to talk about _______." And then insisting it be now! And then, it turns out it's something like, "I think you need to buy new underwear."
The silent treatment. That sets my whole life on edge.
A: So guys will talk to them....
… when does a woman care for a man's company?
when he owns it.
… how many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
three, if you slice them very thinly.
… why do men get married?
so they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
… how do you get a man to do sit-ups?
put the remote control between his toes.
… what did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
… what's the difference between men and government bonds?
bonds mature.
… what is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
they're married.
… why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
so they can find their way back to the house.
… what do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
a widower.
LOL, thank you Rush Nupress.
ROTFLOL! Now THAT was funny and you read my mind!
Thank you for helping me make my point. ;-)
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