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Telling Estranged Wife That She Is "Fat," "Lazy," and "Trailer Trash" Doesn't Justify Restraining Order
Reason ^ | 5.24.2023 | Eugene Volokh

Posted on 05/24/2023 11:59:40 AM PDT by nickcarraway

From H.B. v. F.K., decided Monday by the California Court of Appeal (Superior Court Judge Ruth Ann Kwan, joined by Justices Victoria Chavez & Brian Hoffstadt):

H.B. obtained a domestic violence restraining order (DVRO) against her estranged husband, appellant F.K., pursuant to the Domestic Violence Prevention Act (DVPA). The trial court issued the DVRO on the grounds that appellant "called the mother of his children 'fat,' 'lazy,' 'trailer trash.'" The trial court misinterpreted the purpose and scope of the DVPA, which "prevent[s] acts of domestic violence, abuse, and sexual abuse." Puerile name-calling by a spouse is lamentable but does not warrant a DVRO. We reverse….

The purpose of the DVPA "is to prevent acts of domestic violence, abuse, and sexual abuse and to provide for a separation of the persons involved in the domestic violence for a period sufficient to enable these persons to seek a resolution of the causes of the violence." The DVPA is broadly construed to accomplish its purpose.

A DVRO may issue if an affidavit or testimony "shows, to the satisfaction of the court, reasonable proof of a past act or acts of abuse." Abuse includes bodily injury, sexual assault, or causing "reasonable apprehension of imminent serious bodily injury." It "is not limited to the actual infliction of physical injury or assault." Violation of a DVRO is punishable as a misdemeanor.

A court may enjoin "molesting, attacking, striking, stalking, threatening, sexually assaulting, battering," false impersonation, harassing, annoying telephone calls, destroying personal property, contacting, approaching, and disturbing the peace of the other party. Disturbing the peace is conduct that "destroys the mental or emotional calm of the other party." It includes "coercive control" that "unreasonably interferes with a person's free will and personal liberty" such as isolating the person; withholding basic necessities; controlling or monitoring movements, behavior, communications, finances, resources or access to services; or compelling conduct by force or intimidation….

Courts have acknowledged that the DVPA may apply without infliction of physical injury or assault. In N.T., a husband was subject to a temporary restraining order forbidding him from harassing, stalking, or contacting his wife, or disturbing her peace: While the TRO was in effect, he tried to discuss their relationship; refused to relinquish their child after visits; sought physical intimacy; followed her; placed a letter to her in a diaper bag; and came to her confidential location despite being prohibited from obtaining her address. The appellate court wrote that these actions "would have been acts of abuse without the existence of the TRO" because they are "obvious breaches" of the wife's peace.

A DVRO is warranted if a spouse publicly discloses confidential e-mails to control, harass and abuse the petitioner by damaging her business and personal relationships, which "destroys the mental or emotional calm of the other party." After a relationship ends, subjecting someone to ongoing electronic and personal contact, despite requests to stop, is a disturbance of her peace.

A DVRO may issue where a petitioner shows a course of misconduct (instances of physical violence and emotional abuse) and testifies that her male partner is "an aggressive person capable of violence." In Perez, a partner texted and called the petitioner "hundreds of times," said she was "going [to] pay" and broke into her home, causing her to fear for her safety and that of her children.

By contrast, calling someone names—when there is no history of physical abuse, threats of harm or ongoing harassment—does not justify a DVRO. A DVRO is unsuitable for a former partner who called the petitioner a "'cold bitch'" and "'spoiled brat,'" where the trial court found he was excitable, frantic or agitated and needed "to calm down" but found that no threats were made. The trial court described the behavior as involving "'a very negative comment, … an argument, and essentially he wouldn't stop and was badgering her.'" The appellate court concluded that this was not abuse….

The DVPA Does Not Apply Here

The record does not show bodily harm, sexual assault or apprehension of imminent serious bodily injury. Nor does it contain evidence that appellant molested, attacked, struck, stalked, or threatened H.B. or disturbed her peace. The trial court believed appellant's testimony that he did not engage in lewd behavior or cause H.B. fear by blocking her movements. We defer to the court's credibility assessment of the witnesses. H.B. conceded that appellant "never put his hands on me." The court did not find that appellant engaged in financial abuse or coercion.

The sole basis for the DVRO was the [trial] court's finding of "harassment in this matter, and that is based on [appellant's] own admission that he has called the mother of his children 'fat,' 'lazy,' 'trailer trash.'"

The DVPA addresses abuse, not rudeness. Appellant's name-calling was ill-mannered or mean but did not amount to abuse under the DVPA…. [N]o abuse is shown by "'a very negative comment'" during an argument or "'badgering.'" If intemperate words between spouses and partners were grounds for a DVRO, the courts would be overcome by litigants seeking to control uncouth language or judicially suppress opinions that a spouse is, perhaps, overweight or could do a better job of house cleaning. This is untenable.

H.B. did not show a course of misconduct—including a history of physical violence—or an onslaught of hundreds of harassing calls and texts that caused extreme fear. Nor did H.B. present evidence that appellant waged an "e-mail campaign" to friends and employers or made "alarming, annoying and harassing" sexual accusations about her to her children, causing so much emotional distress that one child required care at a mental health facility.

Neither the plain language of the DVPA nor the case law interpreting it support the issuance of a DVRO. The court elevated a garden-variety spat and hurt feelings into a case of domestic violence and abuse exceeding the scope of the DVPA….

Although a DVRO is unwarranted for mere name-calling, the court has at its disposal means to ensure that the children are not exposed to bad behavior, which was the court's primary concern. "It is certainly in the best interests of any children of divorce that the adults in their lives act in a mature and courteous manner." (In re Marriage of Candiotti (Cal. App. 1995) [former spouse has a First Amendment right to disparage her children's stepmother to other adults, if it does not directly affect the children].)

"In family law cases, courts have the power to restrict speech to promote the welfare of the children. Thus courts routinely order the parties not to make disparaging comments about the other parent to their children or in their children's presence." (In re Marriage of Hartmann (Cal. App. 2010); Molinaro v. Molinaro (Cal. App. 2019) [the court may prevent spouses from disparaging each other in front of the children but prohibiting a spouse from posting about the divorce on-line is an unconstitutional prior restraint].) In this instance, the court may order the parties to refrain from disparagement or name-calling in the presence of their children, without the need for a DVRO.

Congratulations to Yury Galperin (Galperin & Hensley), who represents the husband.

EUGENE VOLOKH is the Gary T. Schwartz Distinguished Professor of Law at UCLA. Naturally, his posts here (like the opinions of the other bloggers) are his own, and not endorsed by any educational institution.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; News/Current Events; US: California
KEYWORDS: california
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1 posted on 05/24/2023 11:59:40 AM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway
Telling Estranged Wife That She Is "Fat," "Lazy," and "Trailer Trash" Doesn't Justify Restraining Order

Looks like someone met my ex-wife...

2 posted on 05/24/2023 12:00:37 PM PDT by usconservative (When The Ballot Box No Longer Counts, The Ammunition Box Does. (What's In Your Ammo Box?))
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To: nickcarraway

Is it name calling if it is true?


3 posted on 05/24/2023 12:01:05 PM PDT by Paladin2
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To: nickcarraway

Women routinely file for restraining orders against men. They abuse the system.


4 posted on 05/24/2023 12:02:00 PM PDT by SauronOfMordor (The rot of all principle begins with a single compromise.)
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To: nickcarraway

But words are violence.


5 posted on 05/24/2023 12:02:11 PM PDT by pas
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To: nickcarraway

We need photographic evidence.


6 posted on 05/24/2023 12:02:49 PM PDT by Paladin2
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To: nickcarraway

Was he correct about his ex?


7 posted on 05/24/2023 12:05:07 PM PDT by Reno89519 (Anybody But Trump. Tired of Trump's Boorish Antics, Poor Hiring and Life Choices. We Can Do Better!)
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To: nickcarraway

IOW, Wookiee


8 posted on 05/24/2023 12:05:38 PM PDT by Track9 (You are far too inquisitive not to be seduced…)
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To: nickcarraway

If he feels that way about her, does anyone really think he cares about a restraining order?


9 posted on 05/24/2023 12:06:45 PM PDT by Robert DeLong
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To: Robert DeLong

Good observation. Sounds like he wants to put as much distance between him and her as possible.


10 posted on 05/24/2023 12:12:05 PM PDT by Texas resident (We are living through Barak's fundamental transformation)
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To: nickcarraway

11 posted on 05/24/2023 12:12:20 PM PDT by Opinionated Blowhard (When the people find that they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic.)
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To: usconservative

(snicker)


12 posted on 05/24/2023 12:13:03 PM PDT by SaveFerris (Luke 17:28 ... as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold ......)
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To: nickcarraway

”Sez who?”

13 posted on 05/24/2023 12:15:03 PM PDT by gundog (It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. )
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To: nickcarraway

The bitch wins


14 posted on 05/24/2023 12:15:41 PM PDT by bert ( (KWE. NP. N.C. +12) Juneteenth is inequality day )
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To: Texas resident

Certainly does to me. Not exactly language to try & win her back, unless he is using reverse psychology. 😋


15 posted on 05/24/2023 12:18:35 PM PDT by Robert DeLong
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To: nickcarraway

B.J. Clinton said this about his wife Hillary ???


16 posted on 05/24/2023 12:18:48 PM PDT by Mr_Moonlight (Ich bin ein Irredeemable Deplorable)
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To: nickcarraway

Family Court benches are littered with mean old hags that love to stick it to the men in custody cases.


17 posted on 05/24/2023 12:20:48 PM PDT by DarrellZero
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To: nickcarraway

Hmmm...
Without reading anything but the title makes me think that Barak has finally grown a pair...

Oh... Wait...


18 posted on 05/24/2023 12:25:08 PM PDT by SuperLuminal (Where is the next Sam Adams when we so desperately need him)
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To: nickcarraway

On the one hand, yes. On the other hand, he married her. /smirk


19 posted on 05/24/2023 12:25:25 PM PDT by Salman (It's not a slippery slope if it was part of the program all along. )
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To: SauronOfMordor
Women routinely file for restraining orders against men. They abuse the system.

True that. When my ex left (thank you Jesus!) she and her mother tried to destroy me through lawfare, including repeatedly requesting bogus restraining orders. She did other things too like try to block me from having visitation or even phone calls, and such. Even though they moved 200 miles away they tried to destroy my relationships at church including the volunteering I did. It became their obsession. I used to joke that my life would be better off if I found my ex a boyfriend to get her attention.

After a few years of that mess I won custody of my kids thanks to Jesus, thanks to my ex doing stupid stuff, and thanks to the fact that I was too broke by then to keep paying for an attorney and wound up representing myself. By me not having attorney fees but she still did, lawfare was too expensive for her, but not for me. That allowed me to go on offence and make her and her attorney be the ones constantly pushed back onto their heels. That raised her legal fees until my ex and her parents ran out of money (even with me paying $1,100/month child support). At that point it was down to who could make their case better without an attorney -- an advantage for me. Even with that in my favor, without the Lord it would have still been impossible. But with the Lord, we've got it going on and I won custody and was able to raise the kids to love God and people.

I married again and we raised our kids in a blended family. The kids grew up loving all of us, including our exes and their families. I still see my ex and her mother at birthday parties and such and they comment on how much better off I am than they are (my wife retired in her 50's and I'll join her in a few years before I turn 60). It always reminds me of Psalm 23:5 -- Thou prepared a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

20 posted on 05/24/2023 12:27:20 PM PDT by Tell It Right (1st Thessalonians 5:21 -- Put everything to the test, hold fast to that which is true.)
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