My mom should have divorced my dad. We would have cheered.
There seems to be a lot of that going around. Crybullies are commonplace.
I’m old enough to remember when you needed valid “grounds” for a divorce— essentially a trial in which the plaintiff-spouse had to prove the defendant-spouse’s guilt. The judge could even refuse to grant the divorce.
Valid grounds were very few, such as adultery & insanity. Husbands could have the wife declared insane, subjected to ECT, in order to divorce her & marry the 2nd wife.
Wives trying to unload a philandering, drunk or abusive spouse, OTOH, could be denied divorce if the husband was at least providing a home for her & the children.
Such inequalities led to “no fault” divorce & the opposite extreme. Now we say bye at the first sign of boredom. To hell with the kids, let the state raise ‘em.
Meh. “Adult children of divorce” ....should have stopped after the first two words. Grow up. Life’s tough get a helmet
Of course women shouldn't tolerate being abused...or tolerate their kids being abused.Men have a sacred duty to treat wives and kids with kindness and respect.
The fundamental problem was abuse! Likely it was some mix of emotional, sexual, physical, and financial abuse.
The divorce was merely a consequence and not the source of the child’s ( now an adult) pain. Put the blame where it belongs.
Also...It is impossible to do a double blind study on one individual. It is entirely possible that the child ( now an adult) would have far worse off today if the marriage had remained intact.
My advice: Life is hard. Deal with it.
A lot depends on what she considers "abusive".
Some women divorce because they find their husbands boring, and want to move in with the guy they've been having an affair with.
Some women decide it's "abuse" when the husband does not comply with the wife's every demand, or does not agree with spending on everything the wife desires.
I wonder what Chelsea Clinton, or Joe&Mika’s kids think about this.
Informed people want to know.
I am grateful every day for my Mom and Dad. They were great, tops, wonderful, you name it. My dad worked 10 hours and came home and went to my ball practices and games and those of my older brother. We hunted, fished, went to major league games in Atlanta, college games, high school games in the area. When I flew home from Germany on leave one time, my plane could not land in NY because of massive fog. We had to go to Montreal and land there. They would not let us off the plane because the Canadians would not take us off through customs and back on later. We sat on the plane for four hours and then finally went to NY. We landed 6 hours late. Then I went stand by to get on to Atlanta. Finally made a plane 10 hours after I should have made it. Dad sat in the Atlanta airport for these 10 hours waiting for word. He knew nothing. I could not call Mom until we finally got to NY. Dad had been calling Mom collect each hour to find out what was going on. Finally she was able to tell him after I called her from NY City. I finally got to Atlanta over 12 hours after I should have. Dad sat there the entire time. He was wasted. When we got home, he went to bed, because he had been up since the morning before. He napped at the airport, but who can sleep in that noise, I cannot. But that was the kind of Dad I had. I thank God for them both. They are both gone now. My Dad died when I was 24. He was only 60. I have missed him everyday for the past 48 years. Mom died at 87. I had her a lot longer to lean on. Having great parents is certainly a great positive for all kids. Be glad if your parents were a positive in your life. If they were, you should have had it made.
“Our focus is on the children (of divorce), their lifelong suffering “
Probably about the same as the lifelong suffering of children of abusive fathers/husbands in intact marriages.