Posted on 07/08/2018 2:41:59 PM PDT by BulletBobCo
The two most important inventions in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals. 2. Conservatives.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians' which was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men “evolved” into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern Liberals like special flavored beer, but most prefer white wine spritzers or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Tofu and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule “just because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat”.
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are members of the military, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
However a Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers (and to just piss-off more liberals).
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self!
As for me; I'm going to grab a few beers and grill some steaks! Right after I forward this message.
Hilarious,
The notion that conservatives came to America to work the land and develop it so more wheat, barley, hops, etc could be grown for more beer makes a lot of sense to me.
Yes, it is strange that most vegetarians are liberals. Never could understand why anyone would prefer tofu to a good hamburger, steak, or for that matter, sauerbraten or bratwursts. And how could anyone like mashed potatoes without brown gravy?
Well, you have convinced me.
What would be interesting is a geographical map showing where the wheel first appeared with notes on whether it was localy thought of.
Hot things hot and cold things cold, but not simultaneously. The young blonde learned this when she told her friend what she had in her widemouth thermos for lunch. Chili and a popsicle.
Shared...
“The two most important inventions in all of history”
I’ll add that control of diabetes via carb reduction (less carbs and intermittent fasting), regardless of what the ‘professionals’ say, will wind up as the 3rd most import invention in human history. Forth will be to finally blame our new strains of wheat for causing this modern-day problem, worldwide.
I don’t understand light beer, and we only have 4 taps at the club, bud light, Michelob ultra, bud and coors light.
I don’t really like bud, but I only weigh like 135 lbs so bring me that, I’ll watch the news and worry about the trade war with Canada... and how there maybe a tariff on poutin..
Can I get another Bud and some chili cheese Tot’s?... I’m wasting away...
1. Country music
2. Western music
Emerging from cave times it was fire and the wheel which eventually made everything else possible. Personally, I cherish the moment they came out with the bowel movement and gunpowder.
BACON!! MORE BACON!!!
“Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates.”
The damn things run on the wrong side of the road in the metro Chicago commuter system...just like they drive.
I’d say one of the 2 most important inventions must be toilet paper. I’ve never had a good experience in a country that doesn’t commonly have it.
I’d add to that list air conditioning and indoor plumbing.
Maybe not the ‘top’ ones, but I nominate the activated sludge sewage treatment method and analysis of statically indeterminate structures.
“The young blonde learned this when she told her friend what she had in her widemouth thermos for lunch.”
The young blonde learned this when she told her friend what she had in her widemouth.
That would be a stiff under the yellow.
Bummer. I hope everything comes out all right.
I wouldn’t put it that way. I’ve seen too many of these types of photos with and without the tarps.
I’m listening to a country radio station on the Echo, and had this song as a soundtrack while I read this post:
Ray Scott, “Drinkin’ Beer.”
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