Posted on 07/22/2015 1:16:26 PM PDT by Lorianne
cannot post due to copyright http://www.huffingtonpost.com/danielle-campoamor/why-i-chose-to-keep-my-unplanned-child_b_7828946.html
I'm glad she chose life but her whole attitude is about her and then at the end she plans to reinforce to her child that she could have killed him but she chose not to. Wow. Talk about laying on the power-differential onto your child. Loud and clear. Does she suppose he will feel lucky that she chose to let him live? Maybe so, but I would not have felt a warm and loving feeling if my mother had said to me when I was a kid (or even as an adult): I could have killed you but decided not to.
Her daughter will be thrilled to read years from now that her mother debated the decision.
One of my mother’s favorite arguing tactics when I was a kid was telling me the paperwork to make me a ward of the state only cost $50 to file (no idea if that was true, but that’s what she’d scream). Once she even tacked a $50 on the door. Then there’s the old Cosby lines from his dad “I brought you into this world, I’ll take you out” and “I’ll slap the black offa you”. Some parents are into the power differential... not good parents generally, but definitely some.
“One of my mother’s favorite arguing tactics when I was a kid was telling me the paperwork to make me a ward of the state only cost $50 to file...”
I’m sure many, if not most parents can empathize with the frustration - even desperation - behind this statement.
(unless of course you were blessed with especially compliant & loving children 8^)
I read the article. She sure is self-centered. I, I, I, I, ...
Happy her child made it into this world, but how can one not feel sorry for him at the same time?
That’s not frustration or desperation, it’s a threat. And honestly it’s a bitch move to pull on your kids. It’s a vicious thing to say to a kid, kids see their parents as their whole life, all forms of security, happiness and comfort stem from their parents for a long time. And to have the person you are completely dependent on say “I can be rid of you” is frankly vile. And one of the foundational blocks to my general lack of relationship with my mother today.
I didn't suggest it should actually be said.
If you've never been in that kind of emotional state, you're one of the lucky ones...
I had my mother through that threat at me at least twice a year from age 6 to 15. I was in that emotional state plenty, because she DELIBERATELY put me in it. I don’t see anything to empathize with. It didn’t come from a place of frustration or desperation it came from a place of CONTROL, trying to make ME desperate to not get thrown out. You’ve got the wrong emotions tied to it.
My four adopted children know that this was an option. However, as they point out, every kid is under the threat of death prenatally, at their parent’s whim.
Exactly. It’s all about the power.
I honestly do not understand why women don’t get that their might makes right argument has some obvious pitfalls in it. Being physically less powerful than men themselves you would think they would instinctively understand this dynamic. Would they like it if a man said “I could beat you to a pulp but I have decided not to. Don’t you feel special?”
I don’t think this is what the author intended to convey but she is unintentionally telling her child that his life was/is in her hands and that she could have terminated his life ... which technically is the case for any child-adult situation or anyone with a physical advantage over another, but why say it?
That’s true. And postnatally too.
Yes, it’s about the power. Some parents like to emphasize that power differential even though it must be pretty obvious to the child.
Yes I had the same reaction. Happy he is here but feel sorry for him at the same time.
I just read the article and although I should be all warm and fuzzy.. I’m not. The author denies any sort of true religious/moral feelings but does emphasize a lot about her “partner”. They could surf the rough seas together and all that. Maybe I’m just jaded but sounds like her “I’m horrible at taking birth control pills” and ensuring her man stays with her is what is added up. Don’t get me wrong.. I am happy she chose Life but heaven help this child if her “partner” leaves her.
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