Posted on 06/03/2015 4:18:33 AM PDT by HomerBohn
Sen. Bernie Sanders of Vermont is the only candidate for president willing to name the real crisis confronting America.
Too many underarm spray deodorants.
Move over Obama, terrorism, illegal aliens, Obamacare and the sputtering economy.
Old Spice is the real vice. En garde, Right Guard! Bernie Sanders has got your number. He wants to ice Ice Blue Secret, ax AXE and ban Ban.
This is what he said the day before his official kickoff Wednesday in Burlington, Vt.: "You don't necessarily need a choice of 23 underarm spray deodorants or of 18 pairs of sneakers when children are hungry in this country. I don't think the media appreciate the kind of stress that ordinary Americans are working on."
Special Headline: Guess Who’s About To Go Bankrupt in America will Shock you
In other words, Bernie supports your right to choose, unless you want to choose your own deodorant or running shoe. He supports diversity, except in the antiperspirant aisle. When the Sanderistas win, it will be Mayday for Almay. On foreign policy, he's a dove with no use for Dove.
How often have you thought to yourself, as you shop your local supermarket or pharmacy, if only I had just one or two brands to choose from -- like in Venezuela or Cuba. That would truly be a worker's utopia.
Stress -- that was the word Bernie used to describe the specter of too many choices.
It is, to use Bernie's favorite word, an outrage.
It would take someone like Comrade Sanders to ferret out this conspiracy. After all, when he got married, he and his bride honeymooned in the old Soviet Union, a stress-free society if ever there was one, right?
Actually, the deodorant problem is even worse than Bernie thinks. He just mentioned those ozone-layer-destroying sprays. What about roll-ons, and here's another outrage -- despite miniscule market shares, a few cream deodorants are hanging on, stressing out card-carrying members of the Spartacist Youth League, taking up shelf space that otherwise could be devoted to CDs of Pete Seeger's Greatest Hits.
It's probably a conspiracy by the Koch Brothers.
Technically, Bernie claims to be an independent, or a socialist, but he's running as a Democrat, and he serves an important purpose. With apologies to Lenin, you might even describe him as a useful idiot for Hillary Clinton.
Compared to Bernie, Hillary appears youthful, and moderate. Thus the need to prop Bernie up for as long as possible. The deodorant comment came in front of a CNBC camera, and was left on the cutting room floor, only reported in the interview transcript. What else would you expect from a rumpswab like John Harwood, a shameless member of the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy.
As much as Bernie no doubt reveres his memory, even Uncle Joe Stalin was not perfect -- think his Non-Aggression Pact with Hitler back in August 1939.
And so at his announcement the day after the Deodorant Manifesto, Bernie had his own to-make-an-omelet-you-have-to-break-some-eggs moment. As 5000 "working people," very few of whom actually work, gathered on the banks of Lake Champlain to hear Sander Claus fulminate against the assorted outrages of the petit bourgeoisie, they were served free ice cream by none other than Ben & Jerry.
Ben & Jerry! Who has been more responsible for stress in the frozen-foods aisle than Ben & Jerry? Forget their sellout to the capitalist-roader running dogs of Unilever, what about their proliferation of flavors?
Just in a single category, Ben & Jerry offer regular chocolate, chocolate fudge brownie, chocolate peppermint crunch, New York super fudge chunk and now Boom Chocolatta. I don't even have room to mention the stress produced by their multiple variations of vanilla, coffee and caramel.
As a matter of fact, last week, just as the senator from Ben & Jerry's was denouncing the problem of Too Much Choice in America, his fellow New Yorkers were introducing yet another source of stress -- Save Our Swirled.
On the cartons, their 3XL customers are encouraged to fight, what else, global warming, or is it global cooling this week?
Comrade Sanders, how many Ben & Jerry flavors do Americans need when there are children in this country who can't even get jimmies on their sundaes?
It's an outrage!
The more Sanders speaks the more you hear the echo of Hillary , Barrack and Sharpton . The only difference is Sanders is honest about his Socialist agenda.
Bernie the commie, like Barry and Hillary, belong in a true communist dictatorship like Zimbabwe or Venezuela.
Don't like having to choose among the myriad varieties of deodorants, breakfast cereal, shoes, etc.? How about one type of each...won't they be happy? Less choices...less stress..and all those hungry kids finally get fed.
Because as we all know there's tens of millions of starving kids in the country. All thanks to those greedy, capitalist pigs who demand more than one type of deodorant.
What else would you expect from a rumpswab like John Harwood, a shameless member of the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy.
Even if the punctuation isn't quite right.
Bernie would have been happy in the old Soviet Union.
The Soviet GUM (Government Store) was the model of central planning of manufacturing.
One month, they would have nothing but boots and shovels in that vast store, as far as you can see.
Next month, they would have nothing but raincoats and umbrellas.
Everything was made to the same government specs, with shoddy workmanship and abysmal quality assurance. There was no brand variety, neither was there much of anything else in the store for purchase.
After the Soviet collapsed, they turned the GUM across from the Kremlin into a shopping mall. JC Penney, Sears, The Gap, and a host of other European and Asian chains now occupy the floor space. The food court has MacDonalds, KFC, and a lot of other European and Asian fast food chains.
Bernie would like to return to the old GUM.
What a mentality.
I haven’t heard that kind if drivel since I was in college.
Bernie Sanders’ shopping wish for America—the selections of Aldi’s with the prices of Tiffany’s and all profit to the State! Seig heil! Seig heil! Seig heil! What? You were expecting Dasvidanya?
Some journalist (do any exist?) should ask Comrade Sanders how many brands of deodorant are available in Venezuela.
Bernie is a rabble rouser kind of the Marx and Engels variety. He’d have frozen his commie ass off in Siberia.
He’s like what a NYT critic said of Jack Kerouac years ago:
‘His style may irritate, but it seldom bores.’
I love his honesty.
zer0 and Hitlery pretend to be Americans but plot their marxist crap in secret.
I loathe Sanders politics but respect his honesty.
Even if the punctuation isn’t quite right.
++++
LOL.
OK, I’ll bite. You were looking for a question mark instead of a period? Or perhaps a colon instead of a comma?
And note: I just love to write incorrect, incomplete sentences. So much more fun. So much more interesting.
Hey, Bernie will you attack the choices of flavors of Ben & Jerry’s or varieties of cheeses from Cabot? Of course not, B&J are socialists like you and Cabot is a large employer in Verment.
question mark.
I do always wish their were not 83 kinds of Crest Tooth paste taking up half an aisel at walmart and effectively hiding the original down on the bottom shelf
President Bernie will end all that with executive orders.
I remember that there was a line in the 1954 movie “White Christmas” in which Bing Crosby says “Maybe we can dig up a Democrat.” What happened there? I can remember reading that Sanders apparently honeymooned in Moscow with his wife back in the Soviet days.
“rumpswab” - hehe
He certainly has quite a showcase to show he’s a complete nut.
I bought a Bounty paper towel yesterday - it was filled with soap within its sheets. Made an unholy mess when drying plates.
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