Posted on 08/09/2013 11:52:26 AM PDT by Kaslin
Every generation confronts its own obstacles. My parents eloped because they couldn't afford to get married, and they hid the nuptials from their families for a year. They finally bought a big bed and moved it into the house of my father's parents. They were grateful for a nice room, but Mom suffered the lack of independence, and she didn't like having to help my grandmother in the kitchen with the kosher meals.
It was a hardscrabble time. My father clashed with his father, and soon my parents found a small apartment, and a male friend moved in to share the rent. They were all in their early 20s, and the arrangement was not unusual in Depression times.
But they celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary with their two children and six grandchildren, having lived comfortably in a big house of their own, bought when their children were young. They couldn't have glimpsed their future in those early days of marriage, but the cultural values of the time, and the country's growing economic prosperity, enabled them to live the American dream as first generation immigrants. They enjoyed a long marriage in a house they owned, their children got their diplomas and degrees and graduated with no debt. My father was obsessed with earning enough money to support his family; his sense of manhood depended on it.
That was a long time ago. The expectations of today's generation growing into adulthood are quite different. Marriage is much delayed. Many single adults are "Boomerangs," moving back with their parents after college. More surprising are the numbers of children who don't leave home at all in their early 20s.
Fully 36 percent of the Millennial generation -- young adults aged 18 to 31 -- live at home, as measured by the Pew Research Center. In 2012 only 23 percent of that age group were married and living on their own, a sharp decline from yesteryear; in 1968, fully 56 percent were married and on their own. The reasons vary, but a poor economy is a big part of it. Many of these young adults attend college, running up debt, and can't afford to live independently. In five years, marriage declined 5 percent among the Millennials, from 30 percent to 25 percent since 2007.
In a surprise, more young men than young women live with their parents, 40 percent compared to 32 percent. While Pew measures the trends through a combination of economic, educational and cultural factors, it doesn't investigate the why or wherefore. That's left for the literary investigators.
The oldest among the Millennials, those who have forged their lives for better or worse without marriage, are beginning to look back to grapple with their emotional perceptions, often through novels to see how others do it, observing how cultural changes affect the sexes in different ways. The emancipation of women flourishes among men as well as women, but the liberation distributes disappointment unequally. The passion my parents felt, that moved them to elope and that caused many members of their generation to marry and confront the obstacles of a conventional commitment, is often quickly dissipated today in casual sex. Nothing new there. But what seems to have caught women by surprise is how easy it is for men to slide into the older chauvinist attitudes they thought were gone with the feminine mystique.
The narcissism imbedded in the masculinity of chest-thumping, no matter how camouflaged by a designer shirt from a metrosexual thrift shop, has merely taken on new forms. The novelists characterizing the experiences of the Millennials demonstrate that feminism may have changed the message, but it didn't strip away the old male privileges. "Boys will be ashamed of being boys," observes literary critic Marc Tracy in The New Republic. "But they will be boys."
With insight and wit, Adelle Waldman, age 36, captures the moment in her novel, "The Affairs of Nathaniel P." Her male narrator, using his generation's dating experiences, observes the acute injustice of current sexual mores. Prepare for the cringe when she describes the way women in their 30s take diminishing interest in their careers and seek a committed relationship just as the men lose interest in the diminishing sexual attraction of the "aging" female body in tight jeans and sleeveless dresses.
If, in this scenario, 30 is the new 20, it nevertheless suffers some of the emotional pain of the old 40s, as women confront the self-centered immaturity of their men. This generation finds itself stuck in drawing room comedy without the drawing room. Maybe Thomas Wolfe was right, you can't go home again. But many Millennials do, and there's the rub.
Think about how the teenagers fared and survived during the Great Depression. There are quite a few movies and books that show what it was like. The movie "Sea Biscuit" had some good surplus footage.
People are being shaped by their current experiences.
You are correct that the discussion forum for The Fourth Turning has been taken over by progressives, but they have to do some unimaginable twisting to get the theories from the books to fit their very warped worldview.
While I want to be sympathetic due to a horrible economy, I have to wonder how many of these folks voted for You Know Who both times.
I don’t mind a global economic collapse. But first just let me get holed up on five or ten acres in the country, with some chickens, a horse, a goat or two, and a lot of ammo.
If they are living at home, can’t they sock some real savings away?
It’s never easy for any generation.
I saw something similar in life. I realized that college was the best time to find a husband, since practically all the men are single and I could get a ton of first dates.
I developed a laundry list of questions from listening to Dr. Laura’s show. What are you going to do for a career? Do you want children? Where do you see yourself in ten years? I was up front - I was looking for a husband, not a good time. Many guys freaked. Better to weed them out now, before the emotional entanglement and the “He’s not right, but I love him”.
I was engaged by 20, married at 22 the weekend after graduation. First child at 26. Second before age 30.
I was ridiculed at work for my first, told I was having her too young. I had a husband I’d known for 6 years, a house, several years of working experience ... and they acted as if I were pregnant at 16.
Fast forward a few years. I have two kids in elementary school, and many of the peers who ridiculed me for aiming for a husband who wanted kids while in college are TRYING to find a guy like that now - after the field has been winnowed. Or they are TRYING to have children, and envy me mine.
We live in a society where women who make the choice to find a spouse and have children are denigrated. Until they realize that a decade of working and dating after college pushes you against the biological clock.
Bless you for your family. More people should feel free to follow your example.
Question is: will these experiences turn Millenials into life long Republicans because of the horrors under Obama? Or life long Democrats because of dependency on the state?
Excellent post.
I moved down south, and I was amazed by the number of families in the area. This small community I live in is loaded with families who have two or more children. The median age here is 32. With all the families here, the result has been a stable and vibrant community that votes about 70% conservative in national elections. They are also very religious.
People like you are following the right path in life. You deserve to be commended for your choices.
tbw, you sound just like me 30 years ago. FWIW, I am one of the oldest in Gen-X; conceived during the Baby Boom, but just missing it by 2 months.
I did try to find a husband while I was in school, but no luck. After college, I lived at home. My best friend and I talked more than once about getting an apartment, but both of our parents thought that was a silly waste of money (we lived in NYC).
Instead, I got a job making good money, contributed to the household pot, and resumed my hunt for a husband. It took a little longer than I’d hoped, but I finally found a great guy. We married and I moved into his apartment (it was fun having a little apartment as newlyweds).
As soon as I became pregnant, we began looking for a house on Long Island, and soon enough, we found one, where we live to this day.
We celebrate our 20th anniversary this fall.
Now all that’s left to do is get the oldest into college (he’s a senior) and we can think about escaping NY for good.
I’d like to buy a big old piece of land somewhere, with a little pond or lake on it...and maybe have a little gentleman’s farm. Maybe I’ll even put up a couple of guest cottages to house our parents if the need arises.
It will take some doing, but I am a patient woman. We’ll get there, I’m sure.
Regards,
PS: Forgot to say, that I commend you on your choices. I pray they all work out well for you!
Oh; did I say illegal aliens?
I meant to say Very efficient machines.
Just a few generations ago, they were tended by a vast army of men on small machines, and now 1 fella in a HUGE machine can get the work done amazingly fast!
It didn't take as much 'schooling' back then to get the work done (yet the schools produced BETTER educated people!) so when the amount of field workers needed decreased, we sent the kids into 'higher' education. (Translation: take them OUT of the workforce for 4 years. Naturally, this required more support folks - teachers, administrators - whatever)
So NOW we have a vast army of 'educated' folks, coming back into the working world, with NOWHERE to use their 'education'!
What to do?
Surprise, it’s men’s fault. Didn’t see that one coming. /s
To me, it's a bit like the atom bomb. War-making ability advanced to the point of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and then then Great Powers sort of looked at each other and asked "Now what??"
If our technology gives us access to sustenance but takes away our ability or need to make a contribution, we have to ask ourselves "Now what??"
I see it as the big issue of the 21st century.
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