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Texas judge issues double-entendre-filled ruling in strip club case
Yahoo! News ^
| 5/2/13
| Mike Krumboltz
Posted on 05/02/2013 9:25:12 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows
U.S. District Judge Fred Biery has spoken. The Texas judge issued a ruling in the case he called "The Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Bikini Top v. the (More) Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Pastie."
Yes, indeed. At issue was a strip club's request for a preliminary injunction that would block enforcement of a San Antonio ordinance requiring its dancers to wear bikini tops while entertaining. The club had asked that its employees be allowed to wear nipple-covering "pasties" instead.
The fact that this case went to court is strange enough. But that seems downright pedestrian when compared with Judge Biery's hilarious ruling that was so full of double-entendres we could barely keep up.
The 29-page document starts off with a bang. "An ordinance dealing with semi-nude dancers has once again fallen into the city's lap," he writes.
He continues:
The City of San Antonio ("City") wants exotic dancers employed by Plantiffs to wear larger pieces of fabric to cover more of the female breast. Thus, the age old question before the Court, now with constitutional implications, is: Does size matter?
And that's just the first paragraph. All through the ruling, Biery doesn't miss an opportunity to drop a one-liner poking fun at the inherent ridiculousness of the case.
(Excerpt) Read more at news.yahoo.com ...
TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Extended News; US: Texas
KEYWORDS: dancers; napl; pastie; seminude
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I'll be keeping abreast of this important case.
To: Slings and Arrows; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; ...
They're real!
[The quotes, of course. What did you think I meant?]
2
posted on
05/02/2013 9:26:13 PM PDT
by
Slings and Arrows
(You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
To: Slings and Arrows
Biery is an appointee of Bubba’s. (I’m shocked)
To: Slings and Arrows
4
posted on
05/02/2013 9:34:41 PM PDT
by
null and void
("Och, aye 'twas a huge beastie the shape of a haggis but the size o' the football pitch at Dunkeld!")
To: null and void
5
posted on
05/02/2013 9:35:42 PM PDT
by
wastedyears
(I'm a gamer not because I choose to have no life, but because I choose to have many.)
To: Slings and Arrows; mikrofon; martin_fierro
I direct your attention to Exhibit DD. . . .
To: Clump
7
posted on
05/02/2013 9:37:10 PM PDT
by
B4Ranch
( There's Two Choices. Stand Up and Be Counted ... Or Line Up and Be Numbered.)
To: Slings and Arrows
Thanks for the mammaries!
8
posted on
05/02/2013 9:38:50 PM PDT
by
Veggie Todd
(Hey, Idiot Kid - pull up your pants!!!!)
To: Slings and Arrows
It may not be the judge’s areola of expertise, but he’s milking it for all it’s worth...
To: Slings and Arrows
I must applaud this judge’s creative and humorous spirit. May this judge live long and prosper. God Blessed Texas with His own Hand ...
10
posted on
05/02/2013 9:39:31 PM PDT
by
MHGinTN
(Being deceived can be cured.)
To: adingdangdoo
Page eight, the denial of injunction is quite amusing. Obviously the judge was having too much fun with the case.
11
posted on
05/02/2013 9:48:05 PM PDT
by
MHGinTN
(Being deceived can be cured.)
To: MHGinTN
“Should the parties choose to string this case out to trial on the merits, the Court encourages reasonable discovery intercourse as they navigate the peaks and valleys of litigation, perhaps to reach a happy ending.”
12
posted on
05/02/2013 9:52:08 PM PDT
by
Nik Naym
(It's not my fault... I have compulsive smartass disorder.)
To: null and void
OMG! you turned one of my posts into your tagline! I'm honored and just a little... choked up ( i promised myself I wouldn't cry)
sniff, sniff.
CC
13
posted on
05/02/2013 9:52:53 PM PDT
by
Celtic Conservative
(tease not the dragon for thou art crunchy when roasted and taste good with ketchup)
To: Slings and Arrows
14
posted on
05/02/2013 9:57:06 PM PDT
by
Revolting cat!
(Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious!)
To: Celtic Conservative
15
posted on
05/02/2013 10:00:17 PM PDT
by
null and void
("Och, aye 'twas a huge beastie the shape of a haggis but the size o' the football pitch at Dunkeld!")
To: Slings and Arrows
16
posted on
05/02/2013 10:01:40 PM PDT
by
Revolting cat!
(Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious!)
To: null and void
17
posted on
05/02/2013 10:03:09 PM PDT
by
Celtic Conservative
(tease not the dragon for thou art crunchy when roasted and taste good with ketchup)
To: Celtic Conservative
I've always loved your tagline:
"Tease not the dragon, for thou art crunchy when roasted and taste good with ketchup."
I saw variations on it years before, but none as well worded as yours.
18
posted on
05/02/2013 10:24:36 PM PDT
by
Windflier
(To anger a conservative, tell him a lie. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth.)
To: Windflier
I credit my college English lit. professor who made me slog through middle and Elizabethan English writers in their original unaltered texts. The quote itself isn't mine as you said, but I've ginned it up a bit to sound more "period correct".
CC
19
posted on
05/02/2013 10:35:26 PM PDT
by
Celtic Conservative
(tease not the dragon for thou art crunchy when roasted and taste good with ketchup)
To: Charles Henrickson
20
posted on
05/02/2013 11:03:14 PM PDT
by
Slings and Arrows
(You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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