Posted on 01/18/2013 2:05:46 PM PST by NYer
Fewer young men in the US want to get married than ever, while the desire for marriage is rising among young women, according to the Pew Research Center.
Pew recently found that the number of women 18-34 saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things rose from 28 percent to 37 percent since 1997. The number of young adult men saying the same thing dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent in the same time.
Pew’s findings have caught the attention of one US writer who maintains that feminism, deeply entrenched in every segment of the culture, has created an environment in which young men find it more beneficial to simply opt out of couple-dom entirely.
Suzanne Venker’s article, “The War on Men,” which appeared on the website of Fox News in late November, has become a lodestone for feminist writers who have attacked her position that the institution of marriage is threatened, not enhanced, by the supposed gains of the feminist movement over the last 50 years.
“Where have all the good (meaning marriageable) men gone?” is a question much talked about lately in the secular media, Venker says, but her answer, backed up by statistics, is not to the liking of mainstream commentators influenced by feminism.
She points out that for the first time in US history, the number of women in the workforce has surpassed the number of men, while more women than men are acquiring university degrees.
“The problem? This new phenomenon has changed the dance between men and women,” Venker wrote. With feminism pushing them out of their traditional role of breadwinner, protector and provider – and divorce laws increasingly creating a dangerously precarious financial prospect for the men cut loose from marriage – men are simply no longer finding any benefit in it.
As a writer and researcher into the trends of marriage and relationships, Venker said, she has “accidentally stumbled upon a subculture” of men who say “in no uncertain terms, that they’re never getting married.”
“When I ask them why, the answer is always the same: women aren’t women anymore.” Feminism, which teaches women to think of men as the enemy, has made women “angry” and “defensive, though often unknowingly.”
“Now the men have nowhere to go. It is precisely this dynamic – women good/men bad – that has destroyed the relationship between the sexes. Yet somehow, men are still to blame when love goes awry.”
“Men are tired,” Venker wrote. “Tired of being told there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women aren’t happy, it’s men’s fault.”
Feminism and the sexual revolution have simply made marriage “obsolete” for women as a social and economic refuge, but this is a situation that should not be celebrated by feminists, Venker says.
“It’s the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex, by dismissing male nature they’re forever seeking a balanced life. The fact is, women need men’s linear career goals – they need men to pick up the slack at the office – in order to live the balanced life they seek.”
A cross section of research data from the Pew Research Center for the last months of 2012 shows the alarming trends for marriage and child-bearing in the US. One report published in mid-December said that the latest census data showed “barely half” of all adults in the United States are currently married, a “record low”. Since 1960, the number of married adults has decreased from 72 percent to 51 today and the number of new marriages in the U.S. declined by five percent between 2009 and 2010.
Moreover, the median age at first marriage continues to rise with women getting married the first time at 26.5 years and men at 28.7. The declines in marriage are “most dramatic” among young adults. Just 20 percent of those aged 18 to 29 are married, compared with 59 percent in 1960.
“If current trends continue, the share of adults who are currently married will drop to below half within a few years,” the report said.
Moreover, the link between marriage and childrearing has become disconnected in the minds of the so-called Millennial generation, those between 18 and 29. While 52 percent of Millennials say being a good parent is “one of the most important things” in life, just 30 per cent say the same about having a successful marriage, an attitudinal survey found.
The gap, of 22 percentage points, between the value Millennials place on parenthood over marriage, was just 7 points in 1997. The research found that Millennials, many of whom are the children of divorce and single-parenthood themselves, are also less likely than their elders to say that a child needs both a father and mother at home, that single parenthood and unmarried couple parenthood are bad for society.
Oh, a tad.
I've been married roughly 25 years, and I'm freakin' exhausted.
In my experience dealing with young men who are thinking about marriage, the number one fear is not marriage itself. It’s the fear of their spouses deciding that for one reason or another that their husbands are disposable.
And as one of them told me recently, he sees how his own father and his older brother were turned in Child-support/Alimony slaves to their ex’s. He fears that more than nearly everything else. His reaction so far is to just say “No” to the fair sex. He likes women but has a very hard time in trusting them.
“I see this turning into the friday night fight thread.”
Oh, I hope so. My evening is going to be a little dull otherwise.
True, but instead of the pendulum swinging back just enough to straighten things out, it's swinging too far the other way. Increasingly now, it's "men good/women bad." Too many men nowadays sound just like feminazis. "Men are noble victims. Women are evil. Everything is women's fault. The decks are all stacked against men, who are perfect." I don't see how this is going to do anything but make things even worse. Not enough people seem willing to admit that there is plenty of blame to go around on ALL sides, and that we should try to come together. I think people would rather be victims.
I don’t think the guys are threatened by the gal making more $$ as much as the divorce laws that let her walk at any time of her choosing, taking half his stuff. And then children.
It takes two to marry, but only one to divorce.
BINGO!
Sometimes the guy asks for it, like Tiger Woods.
In modern marriage, the man has no status, other than at the will of the woman.
Terms like husband, father, head of household, have no meaning today.
The woman owns the entire family unit, any man, whether first husband, or 3rd husband, are mere visitors, they may be permanent if she chooses, but he has no real footing of his own and his temporary status can be instantly removed at her whim.
I wonder how women would feel about investing their hearts and identity in becoming wives and mothers under the conditions that American men face today, to casually have her children and home taken from her at his whim, with the support of the state, while she has to pay for the privilege.
On top of all you said, may get the “opportunity” to rebuild your life from the ground up in your late 30’s or 40’s.
I know I did. I started over at 44. The financial part has been OK, but the relationship part has been a total flat line. . . in 12 years I have only run into 2 that I would remotely consider.
Men are like trucks ... they drive straighter with a weighted load. Some ‘men’ can’t handle the load. Some don’t want to drive straight. Some would rather be boys with beards.
Plus, every image of marriage from pop culture is of a sexless institution wherein some harpy bitches at you until one of you leaves or dies. The downtrodden dumbassed sex-starved husband is an archetype ... as is the cold, shrew of a wife. Men are taught to be whipped. Women are taught to be nagging. Divorce is a punchline. Vows are a throwaway. Affairs are rampant. Gay ‘marriage’ gets more conversation-time than real marraige.
Its no wonder the institution is struggling.
SnakeDoc
For most modern women, men are objects to be ridiculed and scorned. Look at how many commercials and TV shows portray the husband as the buffoon, and the wife as the smart one who condescendingly tolerates him. Now how many times do you see that situation reversed?
Recently I was at the grocery store; a polite man walked by, nodded and smiled to me and to the fat woman near me, and said, “Good afternoon, ladies.” The fat woman smirked and called after him, “I’d wish you the same, but you’re a man, so you’re not worth it!”
Feminism has ruined women. But, on the other hand, real men are harder and harder to find, too.
People used to have high standards for marriage.
Those days are so far gone, it’s not funny.
I missed that, where is that reflected in the laws?
I think it was Rush after his last div orce make the comment on marriage ....Find a woman you hate and buy her a house......at that time he probably meant it, but silly found another one.....
The missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!” “Oh,” I replied, “so now you want me to stay?!”
An old one.
hmm almost.... women are becoming the men they don’t want to marry
to find a husband; keep your legs together until the wedding night
learn how to cook and bake really well
have a desire to bear and raise his children ( stay at home when they are little) AND
allow him to be the man ( let him open doors for you, let him win arguments, and let him watch Sunday sports without being pestered)
really very simple... been married happily for 18+ years
Of course. Some men are jerks.
But the effect of making divorce “no-fault” has had a terrible effect on the concept of the Nuclear Family. And in most cases the woman has the most to gain. It’s not surprising men have gotten trap-shy.
BTW, Tiger Woods’ wife would have been justified under the old “prove-fault” rules. He cheated and rubbed her nose in it.
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