Posted on 01/18/2013 2:05:46 PM PST by NYer
Fewer young men in the US want to get married than ever, while the desire for marriage is rising among young women, according to the Pew Research Center.
Pew recently found that the number of women 18-34 saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things rose from 28 percent to 37 percent since 1997. The number of young adult men saying the same thing dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent in the same time.
Pew’s findings have caught the attention of one US writer who maintains that feminism, deeply entrenched in every segment of the culture, has created an environment in which young men find it more beneficial to simply opt out of couple-dom entirely.
Suzanne Venker’s article, “The War on Men,” which appeared on the website of Fox News in late November, has become a lodestone for feminist writers who have attacked her position that the institution of marriage is threatened, not enhanced, by the supposed gains of the feminist movement over the last 50 years.
“Where have all the good (meaning marriageable) men gone?” is a question much talked about lately in the secular media, Venker says, but her answer, backed up by statistics, is not to the liking of mainstream commentators influenced by feminism.
She points out that for the first time in US history, the number of women in the workforce has surpassed the number of men, while more women than men are acquiring university degrees.
“The problem? This new phenomenon has changed the dance between men and women,” Venker wrote. With feminism pushing them out of their traditional role of breadwinner, protector and provider – and divorce laws increasingly creating a dangerously precarious financial prospect for the men cut loose from marriage – men are simply no longer finding any benefit in it.
As a writer and researcher into the trends of marriage and relationships, Venker said, she has “accidentally stumbled upon a subculture” of men who say “in no uncertain terms, that they’re never getting married.”
“When I ask them why, the answer is always the same: women aren’t women anymore.” Feminism, which teaches women to think of men as the enemy, has made women “angry” and “defensive, though often unknowingly.”
“Now the men have nowhere to go. It is precisely this dynamic – women good/men bad – that has destroyed the relationship between the sexes. Yet somehow, men are still to blame when love goes awry.”
“Men are tired,” Venker wrote. “Tired of being told there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women aren’t happy, it’s men’s fault.”
Feminism and the sexual revolution have simply made marriage “obsolete” for women as a social and economic refuge, but this is a situation that should not be celebrated by feminists, Venker says.
“It’s the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex, by dismissing male nature they’re forever seeking a balanced life. The fact is, women need men’s linear career goals – they need men to pick up the slack at the office – in order to live the balanced life they seek.”
A cross section of research data from the Pew Research Center for the last months of 2012 shows the alarming trends for marriage and child-bearing in the US. One report published in mid-December said that the latest census data showed “barely half” of all adults in the United States are currently married, a “record low”. Since 1960, the number of married adults has decreased from 72 percent to 51 today and the number of new marriages in the U.S. declined by five percent between 2009 and 2010.
Moreover, the median age at first marriage continues to rise with women getting married the first time at 26.5 years and men at 28.7. The declines in marriage are “most dramatic” among young adults. Just 20 percent of those aged 18 to 29 are married, compared with 59 percent in 1960.
“If current trends continue, the share of adults who are currently married will drop to below half within a few years,” the report said.
Moreover, the link between marriage and childrearing has become disconnected in the minds of the so-called Millennial generation, those between 18 and 29. While 52 percent of Millennials say being a good parent is “one of the most important things” in life, just 30 per cent say the same about having a successful marriage, an attitudinal survey found.
The gap, of 22 percentage points, between the value Millennials place on parenthood over marriage, was just 7 points in 1997. The research found that Millennials, many of whom are the children of divorce and single-parenthood themselves, are also less likely than their elders to say that a child needs both a father and mother at home, that single parenthood and unmarried couple parenthood are bad for society.
Wow is all I can say to that story. 20 years for me in March and still in love. I married when I was 19 and since I had to raise him I might as well keep him. ;) Congrats on 17 happy years.
LOL, that is wonderful. Thank you, and congrats to y’all on the big 20!
First, congrats to both of you. I'm sure the 17 or 20 years was totally without a fight ;-) But just so you ladyfolk don't get all the braggin' rights, Mrs. NoCmp and I will be celebrating 43 years of wedded commitment (which really was for the most part bliss also - but without the commitment, we probably would have crashed and burned like so many others..) next month on whatever that day is that you send heartthings to each other..
She is no longer the 86 pound little girl that walked down the isle in 1970 - forty years of marriage, three kids, and menopause have expanded her a tad to (gasp) 130 - but she is still the most beautiful woman in the world..
It is such a loss for this generation to not have the instruction and the example that my generation had that started with the vow and the realization that there was a Third Party involved anytime you take a vow... Not even sure that the church today even teaches that anymore..
OK... back into the woodwork..
Seems to me that there was a line that went something like "In the presence of God and these witnesses..."
It seems like you gave this a lot of though and made a good decision...blended family’s don’t always work out...
A few months ago a woman I worked with died. She was a nice enough person. She never married and when she died, she left two cats, and others had to come up with the money to bury her. That is what the future holds for the Obama voting single females.
“It seems like you gave this a lot of though and made a good decision...blended family’s don’t always work out...”
It’s a tough call; when I was younger I lost an aunt, and my uncle never re-married. He raised two daughters himself, and I thought that he really put them first (coming from a large family, that seemed very sad to me). I had another older family member re-marry years after his wife died; he and his second wife both had grown children (and were far past child-bearing years), and they kept everything they came to the marriage with separate (willed to their children). They lived well on their current pensions/social security, and when he died, everything he owned on his own (including the proceeds of the home he had owned with his first wife, and her life insurance proceeds) went to his “original” family.
“That is what the future holds for the Obama voting single females.”
That’s very sad; I know several women (including relatives)who are collateral damage of these legal policies and cultural fads that would probably have made great spouses/parents, and they’ll never get the chance. I see how much crap some young women are willing to tolerate from boyfriends, and you can really tell how desperate they’ve gotten. I’ve had a woman (who would otherwise seem very intelligent) tell me with a straight face how her boyfriend frequents strip clubs, seen women who let the boyfriend stay over at their apartments at will (but the boyfriends won’t move in), etc.. It is really grim, and they never tie the knot or have kids...
It seems to me that if a woman wants to get married, her best opportunity is right after high school and into her early 20’s. Whatever her career goals are, it appears that by the time she achieves those goals, she is getting along in life. I don’t think it is working out too well for women who wait until their late 20’s to begin thinking about meeting a man and marriage. The good ones are gone by then. They are the ones who have jobs and responsibilities. The rest are addicted to video war and live at home with their parents.
LOLOLOLOL - Two thumbs up.
You know, that's funny! It's sad, it's sort of black humor, but it's damned funny!
“You know, that’s funny! It’s sad, it’s sort of black humor, but it’s damned funny! “
I know you mean well, but it was really sad to see. I know her well and she has her head in the right place, as she’s practically an immigrant herself...but, unfortunately, she grew up here - so was likely confused by our culture and was led to believe that could have it all and then choose a man to settle down with and have a family, on her time table.
I figure your were envisioning her as a bra-burning, fire-breathing, arm pit-hairing, foul-mouthed feminist. If so, I would be on the floor laughing too...but she’s just the opposite.
Ok. I will give her some genuine sympathy.
I’m going to grab some popcorn and a glass of whiskey while reading this thread.
Thanks and your comment was still fair...as you (very likely) don’t know her.
“It seems to me that if a woman wants to get married, her best opportunity is right after high school and into her early 20’s.”
I think economically everyone should have some kind of skill or training beyond high school; the wife/mother may end up the sole breadwinner due to some unforeseen catastrophe. What may result is a scenario where somewhat older established men routinely marry women in their mid-20s where are done with any additional schooling and such. Their assets are better protected, though the alimony/child support/child custody issues aren’t addressed.
I don’t disagree that men and women need additional education and skills training after high school. There aren’t easy choices for females though. Take too much time, and they will get the education and the skills, but someone else gets the men.
“Take too much time, and they will get the education and the skills, but someone else gets the men.”
Yes, there is always that risk.
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