If You Want A Perfect Margarita for Cinco de Mayo

Why do so many cashiers give you change in such a sloppy manner? It seems that cashiers these days do not get any training whatsoever in properly giving you back your change. Back in the 1970s, when I was starting out in the workforce, I had several jobs that involved taking in money and giving change back to customers. Now we did not have those cash registers that automatically calculate your change. So I had to figure it out in my head. Even today, I can instantly calculate the change from a $20 bill.

For example, a purchase of $11.56 required change (from a $20 bill) of exactly $8.44 that I would instantly figure out in my head. So I would take the $20 bill from the customer and hand him/her back a quarter, a dime, a nickel and four pennies while saying “That makes $12.” Then I’d hand back three dollar bills and say “That makes $15” and then a $5 bill and say “That makes $20.”

Now those three dollar bills and the five dollar bill would be in the same orientation. That is to say, all four bills would be right side up with George Washington and Abe Lincoln all facing in the same direction. That’s how I was trained to give back the change and if I deviated from that, my manager would quickly relegate me back to bagging groceries or shagging carriages in the parking lot out in the rain.

In fact my register had to be organized as well. All bills had to be in their proper compartments and facing in the same direction right-side up. That just doesn’t happen anymore. Instead, you get some shaggy-haired kid shoving crumpled bills and loose change into your hand all at once, usually causing some of the change to fall to the counter or to the floor. Then you have to step aside and organize it all before putting into your wallet or pocket. I don’t know about you but that just annoys me to all end and it’s just another indicator of how sloppy our culture has become.

Speaking of sloppy, not too many years ago, you would be as embarrassed as hell to go into a public place dressed like a slob. But people don’t seem to have a problem with it today. Just walk into any Wal-Mart, supermarket or movie theater and see how others are dressed.

I was in the Dunkin Donuts this morning and this disheveled housewife was in line in front of me in her bathrobe and slippers with a couple of small girls still in their pajamas, teddy bear and all, ordering up donuts, munchkins and coffees. It was as if they just rolled out of bed and decided to get into the car and drive on over to Dunkin Donuts. Who knows where they decided to go to next but I guess by that point, why bother going home and getting changed into regular clothes. Might was well just continue the day in your pajamas.

Girls especially seem to prefer the sloppy look these days. For example, they seem to go everywhere with their shower shoes on. They call them flip-flops but to me they will always be shower shoes because that’s what they made me wear in the military when it was shower time. Now you see girls at the bus stop in 40 degree weather in the morning, shivering in their shower shoes, as they wait for the bus to come take them to school. Either that or they sit in their parent’s idling car waiting for the bus, while furiously texting to the girl in the idling car in back of them.

I was buying tick medicine for my dog this week and the Frontline was “on sale” at the Pet Smart for $44.98. Three applications! What the hell do they put in Frontline that is so expensive? Can anybody explain that? I have experimented with other tick medicines like PetArmor and Hartz but they don’t seem to be that effective (and are almost just as expensive). All I can say is that if somebody can invent a tick medicine that works like Frontline and is more reasonably priced, they will gain huge market share and make a lot of money.

I’ve been watching Saturday Night Live pretty much since it premiered in 1975. Now I can’t stay up that late anymore - getting too old, I guess. So I put it on DVR and watch it later. Only, it doesn’t seem right watching Saturday Night Live earlier in the day or on weekdays, so I don’t watch it until at least 11pm on either Friday or Saturday nights. But I fall asleep by 11:30 so it now takes me about three nights and two weekends to watch an episode of Saturday Night Live.

It is strange how the brain associates music with specific memories of your past. Listening to just about any song from my past brings up memories of things I never would have remembered otherwise.

Speaking of the brain, it allows you to do things that you have no memory of actually doing. Such as those times when you think you left the house with the oven on, only to return to see that you turned it off after all, only you have no memory of actually having done so.

There is in interesting article in Discover magazine on how your brain knows a lot more about what you are doing then you realize.

For example, imagine you are driving down a straight multi-lane road with one hand at highway speed. You are in the right lane. Grip an imaginary steering wheel and put that one hand at the 12 o’clock position.

Now imagine that you are shifting lanes - you want to get into the lane to your left. Still gripping the steering wheel with your one hand at the 12 o’clock position, go through the motions of making that left change.

Now if you are like most people, you would have moved your steering hand slightly to the left - maybe about the 11 o’clock position, held it for a moment, and then returned it to 12 o’clock position - straightening out the wheels.

Well if that is how you handled the lane change, I have some bad news for you. In real life, you would be dead right now or if you are very fortunate, you would have merely driven off the road and wrecked your car with only minor injuries. This is because turning the wheel leftward for a bit and then straightening it out again would steer you right off the road and most likely into oncoming traffic from the other direction.

The correct procedure (that almost nobody would get right unless they heard this before) for moving to the left lane on a highway is to bank the wheel to the left to about the 11 o’clock position and then to bank the wheel back to the right, through the center (12 o’clock) position and continuing on to about the 1 o’clock position on the right. THEN you return the wheel to dead center.

Sometimes I’m talking on the phone while driving and I’m so engrossed in the conversation that I find that I drove miles past the exit I was supposed to take. Yet my subconscious brain fortunately kept me on the road even though I have no memory of having driven that entire stretch of highway.

Today is “Cinco de Mayo” and you can forget about getting a table in a timely manner at a Mexican restaurant here in the United States. Just forget about it. Might as well head on over to Applebees or the Outback if you are planning on going out to eat tonight.

If you do happen to wander into a Mexican restaurant tonight, go ahead and ask some of the patrons if they even know what Cinco de Mayo is. Chances are, in between sipping their weak and overpriced margaritas, they will stammer that it is the Mexican Independence Day.

Most people would say that and those people are all WRONG because Mexican Independence Day is actually on September 16. So what exactly is this Cinco de Mayo, besides giving U.S. Mexican restaurants an opportunity to attract huge crowds and boost their profits?

Well it turns out that Cinco de Mayo is actually a celebration of the Mexican Army’s victory over the French back in 1862 at the Battle of Puebla. Which of course, invites the question, what’s so special about that? After all, even a troop of Girl Scouts could easily beat back the French Army. However, one scarcely needs a special reason to slam back some tequila and gorge on a plate of tacos and enchiladas. So if the U.S. Mexican restaurant industry were smart, they would celebrate a lot more Mexican holidays than just Cinco de Mayo.

Speaking of tequila, why is it you can’t get a decent margarita at a Mexican restaurant these days? I spent $8.95 for a “perfect margarita” at a Mexican place recently and what I got was a glass of ice cubes with sugared water, some lime juice from concentrate, some cheap orange liqueur and just a splash of “mixto” tequila, which is a blend of agave and cheap corn syrup. I had to send it back because that is no perfect margarita!

A perfect margarita is simply this: Two ounces of pure 100% agave tequila, an ounce of Cointreau, and a half ounce of fresh-squeezed lime juice - all shaken up and poured into a genuine margarita glass over cubed ice. Two or three of those will provide you with the fortitude (and the ability) to face the French Army all by yourself!

But it seems nearly impossible to get a good quality margarita like that in a restaurant these days. Maybe they are afraid of getting their patrons drunk and getting sued later. At any rate, if you sit at the bar and and specify the ingredients above to the bartender, you should be able to get a decent margarita as you can watch the bartender as he makes it to keep him honest.

At table however, you can’t trust that the proper ingredients will be used even if you spell them out. And never, ever order a “frozen” (blended with ice) margarita in a restaurant as all that ice kills the flavor and allows the bartender to use cheap substitutes without you even noticing it.

So if you want to truly celebrate “Cinco de Mayo” with some degree of authenticity, you will need to order Mexican take-out and make your margaritas at home.

If you lack the self respect needed to keep yourself from looking like a dullard, no matter what it is you are doing, well, I'm gonna notice that.

I agree 100%. When I started out in life, I had to work the low-paying crap jobs too. But I always gave my best effort and provided a level of service far in excess of my pay. That is what got me noticed and promoted so I soon left those type of jobs behind forever. Even to this day, I strive to perform above my pay grade. As a result, my actual pay grade keeps improving.

So for those with the "you pretend to pay me and I'll pretend to work" attitude, get used to those go-nowhere dead end jobs because that's all you'll ever get.

I've worked 25 years in the hospitality industry, from slinging drinks to ownership.

Aren't you a cop or something?

PLus, I can't stand working around sullen losers. Having fun and being positive not only makes you more money, itmakes the time go by faster, and working in upscale places, who knows when someone with connections is going to notice you? When I was on the floor and behind the bar we always managed to get rid of the slackers, when I was a manager they never made it past training.

I personally know dozens of people who got out of the restaurant/bar biz into "real" work purely on their effort and attitude that was noticed by customers.

Right on, but I’ve had better service in any dive bar than I’ve had at most doctor’s offices. Certainly better than any govt office.

That sounds like an interesting recipe. I’ll have to see if Damiana is in stock at my liquor store - sounds like you might have to order it online. I haven’t had Hornitos tequila in a while. My brand of choice is Herradura. Once I started drinking that, I could never go back to Jose Cuervo again.

You nailed it. When somebody provides me cheerful and competent service, I go out of my way to tip them well. People that can have fun and excel at a low-end job are destined for bigger and better things. Business owners would do well to notice these kind of ambitious go-getters and hire them away for their own business. Bet they’d have a higher success rate than the traditional resume/interview process.

So if the bartender got $100 an hour, can I expect to get a better margarita?

Bet the rent.

Happy employees are good, hard working employees. Generally, underpaid, overworked and or mistreated employees will steal from you, sue you, or worse.

For a moment I thought I was reading Steven Wright's stuff after he'd had an energy drink. Had to go BTTT and check; good read, filled with the truth!
Don't drink tequila unless with protection and at the cashier it's mostly hope I'll get the correct change. That you can count on. ;^)

Hi,

Please add the OldPossum to your ping list.

I enjoy reading them.

I think this is one of the more entertaining vanities I’ve read in a while, complete with some great observations! Thanks for an enjoyable read.

I see no reason why you couldn’t use Herradura, unless you wanted to save it for sipping ;-) And BTW, forgot to mention that that ‘rita has a name, based on its ingredients: The Dam Horny ‘Rita.

counter people routinely are told by the register what the change should be so they take that smount out of the drawer and dump it in your hand.

which is faster than the counting-out process described. less time waiting/more money collected. the next customer is served before you get your change in your pocket.

When I got a job at Purity Supreme in Cambridge, Mass. in 1973 I - as they well knew, a student at MIT - along with all the other cashier candidates had to take a math test. No calculator allowed and it was timed. Flunk the test and no cashier job for you.

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