Posted on 06/19/2011 11:04:41 PM PDT by stolinsky
A Nation of Narcissists
David C. Stolinsky
June 20, 2011
How to find yourself gives 94,600,000 hits on Google.
− News item
The self is not something one finds; it is something one creates.
− Thomas Szasz
Narcissistic personality disorder, which is characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-importance and the need for constant attention, has been eliminated from the new manual of mental disorders. Narcissism has become so common that it is no longer considered abnormal. But common is not the same as good, or even tolerable.
Childish narcissists.
This morning I listened to the Dennis Prager Show. The subject was rude, obnoxious children and teens who didnt say please or thank you, who didnt flush toilets or clean up after themselves, and who cursed and talked loudly. But they were not corrected by their parents, who seemed to fear them, or by bystanders, who avoided a confrontation. So no one corrected them.
This afternoon I watched Dr. Phil, who interviewed a man addicted to plastic surgery. He had had numerous procedures and wanted to have more. But the man looked good in the before photo. He spent much of his income and time on his appearance.
Self-absorbed children grow into self-absorbed adults. In extreme cases, they may become addicts of plastic surgery, or perhaps even congressmen who Tweet nude photos of themselves. But in less severe cases, what kind of spouses, parents, friends, or citizens will narcissists make?
We live on a beautiful planet filled with fascinating people, in an unimaginably vast and complex universe. If the most interesting thing I can think of is myself, I have the imagination of an earthworm.
Driving narcissists.
Frequently I encounter vehicles barreling down the center of the street, forcing me to pull to the right until I almost scrape the curb. Ive given up flashing the lights or tooting the horn − people pay no attention. They may be on the phone, texting, or merely living in their own space.
These drivers believe that they should be the only ones on the road, and if they arent it is an unforgivable insult. They drive down the center of the street, even when rounding blind curves. They speed through intersections as if to say, Look at me! Im so important that I can afford to wreck my new BMW while Im wrecking your piece of junk.
Walking narcissists.
These people stroll down the center of the sidewalk, forcing others to step onto the grass. They rush down the center of the hallway, forcing others to brush against the wall. They walk two or three abreast, forcing others into single file. And if others dont move aside, they dont avoid physical contact − but never say, Excuse me.
My wife and I were walking in an upscale neighborhood. A young couple came toward us. The sidewalk was narrow, so I stepped onto the grass, expecting the other couple to make room for my wife to pass on the sidewalk. But they came on as though she werent there, and the woman bumped my wifes shoulder. Naturally, the woman said nothing. As a yuppie, she may have been accustomed to pushing others out of her way.
Health narcissists.
Some people seem to think that because they are doing something healthful, others must get out of their way. An older woman came towards me exercise walking with a two-foot length of broom handle gyrating in one hand. If I hadnt stepped aside, I wonder whether she would have hit me rather than alter her bizarre program. The stick was too short for a walking stick, and billy clubs are illegal here, but I thought it would be useless to point this out.
I was driving though an expensive residential area and stopped to let a middle-aged man cross the street. He stopped directly in front of my car, turned his back, and began stretching exercises. I yelled, Its safer to exercise on the sidewalk, not with your back to traffic. He replied, F**k you! and continued his routine. I had to back up before pulling around him, though the thought of driving forward crossed my mind.
Joggers and bicyclists suddenly emerge from behind parked cars and rush in front of vehicles. The safety of others, or even of themselves, seems far from their thoughts. They are doing something healthful to save the planet, and therefore believe they are exempt from traffic laws − and even from the laws of physics.
Dawdling narcissists.
Perhaps you have had the experience of trying to grab a quick lunch and get back to work, only to be delayed while someone dithers at the counter. This person may be trying to figure out what kind of yogurt to order − as if it were a problem of such complexity that Quantum Theory seems like childs play by comparison.
On another occasion, a yuppie couple ordered a complex concoction of yogurt, fruits, and nuts, which the single attendant worked to prepare. A line formed behind them, which could have been avoided by ordering a simple yogurt dish. After five minutes I left, but the concoction still wasnt ready. During this time my wife had obtained a complete hot lunch elsewhere in the mall and was waiting for me. The couple were unconcerned with those waiting behind them. Their world had shrunk until it contained only themselves. And since they were doing something healthful, they were absolved of guilt for the inconvenience they were inflicting on others − assuming they felt any guilt in the first place.
A nation of narcissists
How many narcissists, concerned with their own comfort to the exclusion of others, can exist in one place before a critical mass causes things to disintegrate?
● If too many people drive narcissistically, will it become too stressful and unsafe to drive at all?
● If too many people walk narcissistically, will even a walk in a residential neighborhood become too unpleasant to be worth the trouble?
● If too many people act narcissistically at fast-food shops, will people have to bring their own lunch or go hungry?
● If too many people worship narcissistically, will going to church merely make them feel self-righteous, entitled, and resentful of other groups?
● If too many people view citizenship narcissistically, will they believe they have unlimited entitlements but no obligations?
● If too many people vote narcissistically, will society fragment into bickering factions based on race, ethnicity, gender, and class − with each one asking, What will you do for me?
It is no surprise that many people are narcissists. They grew up watching TV alone, using computers alone, and playing video games alone.
They saw countless magazines and TV ads praising rock-hard abs and a tight butt. They watched TV news reports on wrinkle removers and liposuction. They were taught to worship youth, beauty, and health, so they turn away from the old, the unbeautiful, and the disabled − or even want to get rid of them.
Their role models were self-obsessed stars, arrogant athletes, and philandering politicians. In films, John Wayne characters were replaced by adults acting like teens. Heroes were replaced by superheroes. But kids cant emulate Spider-Man.
They were sent to the best schools, so they could get into the best universities, so they could get the best jobs − and make enough money to turn their own children into narcissists.
They were taught to have self-esteem not for what they accomplished, but merely for existing. Both winning and losing teams received trophies. But unearned self-esteem is called narcissism.
Their parents never disciplined them. Their teachers told them their purpose in life was to find themselves. Even their clergy (if any) taught them to feel good rather than to do good. And now psychiatrists reassure them that narcissism is normal. Where else can you get a deal like that?
How many narcissists can a nation, or a civilization, tolerate before it disintegrates? I dont know, but before long we may find out.
Dr. Stolinsky writes on political and social issues. Contact: dstol@prodigy.net.
What an excellent piece you have written Dr. Stolinsky! Bravo!
I wish there were a clear cut solution to the burgeoning mass of narcissists but they are too self-absorbed to notice the path of destruction trailing behind them.
Liberalism Is a Mental Disorder -Michael Savage
And lest we forget the King of ME
Liberalism Is a Mental Disorder -Michael Savage
Yes, he was saying that decades ago. He understood the cognitive dissonance that happens when the media and hippie parents and schools brainwash little children. They won’t be able to think logically because they have no foundation of truth. It is moral relativism and comes right out of Cultural Marxist philosophy. So does political correctness, designed by Marcuse and communists to destroy our institutions from within....destroy Christianity and the family.
Misleading. Here's why...
1. Put the phrase in quotes for greater accuracy. That drops the figure down to about 60,000,000.
2. Note that Google eliminates most of these as irrelevant/not very relevant to the search request. In fact, when I just did the search, all results past page 47 were omitted, i.e. Google only found 470 results that were truly relevant to the search phrase.
3. Look at the actual results. For example, the phrase "How to find yourself" often ends with things like "a lawyer," "a doctor," "a pool man," or even "on Google Earth." None of these is remotely narcissistic.
Want credibility? Get rid of the bogus Google stat.
But you put too much importance on a person ordering food. When I walk up to a fast food place they rush me to order before I read the menu. We are being narcissistic to try to rush people into ordering faster! If you don’t like to wait in line, go someplace else, don’t complain about the line. Perhaps you have had the experience of trying to grab a quick lunch and get back to work, only to be delayed while someone dithers at the counter. This person may be trying to figure out what kind of yogurt to order â as if it were a problem of such complexity that Quantum Theory seems like childÂs play by comparison. On another occasion, a yuppie couple ordered a complex concoction of yogurt, fruits, and nuts, which the single attendant worked to prepare. A line formed behind them, which could have been avoided by ordering a simple yogurt dish. After five minutes I left, but the concoction still wasnÂt ready.
Throw into this the 2008 election.
There is no way, no way on God’s green Earth that Obama wins as a white man. How many people wanted to be cool, hip and with it electing a halfrican? Barry Soetoro was the first American Idol President. Elected by the mob, the media and the trendy to be self-important and cool so they could say they were part of history.
Every single progressive position now is based on narcissism. They’re all about giving the individual things they did not earn and did not deserve. People getting handouts in the name of equality means the producers are less equal than the moochers. You could really write a book on this argument alone.
Excellent article. I have to admit. I often wonder how much lower we can go as a nation. It doesn’t help that I’m old enough to remember when people were different, and no. I’m not just saying that, because my perception has changed. As bad as some people were in the past, the rest of society, its media, leaders, and even most average joes, at least paid lip service toward morality and polite behavior.
The people you described may be a product of the culture and the times, and could be described by the word "narcissist" used as an ordinary adjective instead of the name of a mental disorder. But there's a big difference between people being rude and oblivious and those who have a genuine mental illness.
I have a relative who has NPD; it is extremely difficult to spend any length of time around her. The belief that she is and should be the center of everyone's attention and her constant manipulation of people to ensure that they remain fixated on her at all times is stressful and exhausting.
Apparently, some experts in the mental health field aren't happy with the decision to remove NPD from the DSM. Perhaps they will prevail upon the task force to reverse their decision.
Arggh, that linked page takes a long time to load. I wish I knew how to make links that open in other windows!
People are usually willing to follow rules if they know what they are. It’s not helpful for a staffer at a “fast food” joint (I’ll name names: Long John Silver’s) to hang around a cash register without any intention of beginning to take orders, while the line at the other register has begun to snake into the dining room.
This article completely describes DC. I have called it Mass Narcissism for years. It is almost a cultural.
I agree with every point except the yogurt thing. If I am paying for something, I want it the way I want it. The Dawdlers that aggravate me are the ones who stand in line for 10 minutes and wait until they get to the counter to say “Hmmm, what do I want...?”
Also, after the woman was arrested and charged with spanking her kid, some people DON’T know what to do with jerky kids. The state has many afraid to be good parents and that case this past week just confirmed their fears.
“I was driving though an expensive residential area and stopped to let a middle-aged man cross the street. He stopped directly in front of my car, turned his back, and began stretching exercises. I yelled, Its safer to exercise on the sidewalk, not with your back to traffic. He replied, F**k you! and continued his routine. I had to back up before pulling around him, though the thought of driving forward crossed my mind.”
Wow.
If the crowd at a restaurant is a problem for you, go early or pack your own lunch and bring it to work.
You are focusing exclusively on YOUR needs.
This is the entire problem.
Others are simply in your way and slowing you down.
The rest of world does not fully appreciate how important you are to it.
This is an excellent example of how the problem is always that of SOMEONE ELSE.
You might also consider the high rate of unemployment in this country and your being lucky enough to have a job to rush back to after lunch.
Want credibility? Stop nitpicking.
Excellent article!!!
Good (short) article ping.
Sorry to burst your bubble.
94 million versus less than 500 is not nitpicking. It's pointing out flawed data that should never have been highlighted to support the premise of the article.
Why overreach with bogus stats to prove a point?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.