Tiger Woods was on his way to Augusta National Golf Course in Georgia to play golf. He took the opportunity to drive his new Lexus through the hills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. While in Tennessee, he stopped to get gas at a little podunk service station in the middle of nowhere. There was an attendant with buck teeth and bib-overalls sitting on the bench outside of the station. The attendant knew absolutely nothing of golf and certainly didn't know who Tiger Woods was.
While Tiger was pumping the gas, a couple of golf tees fell from his pocket onto the ground.
Uhhh, say there, fella. You dropped somethin'," noticed the attendant.
"Oh, yea, thanks. Those are my tees," replied Tiger.
"Your what?" came the response.
"TEES, " said Tiger.
"Well, what-er them fo'? "
"They're tees -- you know . . . They hold up my balls when I'm driving."
"Well, ga-a-a-awwww-lee-e-e-e," remarked the attendant,
"Them Lexus folks think of everything, don't they?"
Another one ;-):
Early Dismissal
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”
Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”
Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”
Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”
Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”
Teacher: “That’s right Nancy , you may also leave.”
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these b*****s would keep their mouths shut!”
The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”
Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”
Fox News and CNN have reported that Elin Nordegren moved to the top of the leader board on the PGA Tour yesterday after “beating” the world’s number one golfer. The news came after the world’s previous number one golfer inadvertently played the wrong hole
LOL Lady Jag!
Funny stuff LJ!