Posted on 10/16/2009 9:16:28 AM PDT by Chet 99
Edited on 10/16/2009 9:17:20 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
My Mom died at home, my Dad took care of her (she had cancer). A couple of times she had to go into the hospital overnight, and the last time she did she called my Dad in the middle of the night and asked him to take her home. I’m not sure exactly why but she clearly wanted to be home, not being cared for by strangers. I know it was terrifically hard on Dad (he was not a young man). Mom had great insurance, so I’m sure she could have gone into a facility. But they did not get any help from hospice, because Mom refused to stop all treatments.
If ever faced with that, I will do my darnedest to care for my husband at home. I realize sometimes it’s simply not possible.
Ask the race hustlers.
I will mention race so often that at some point it will mean absolutely nothing when someone calls you a racist.
God bless you! Both my Mother and Mother in Law were cared for at home by their spouses. It’s not easy, but life is not always easy.
Amen! Family, if all can work together..is the best solution. Having the burden placed on one caregiver is so so hard. It would be nice to hire someone to come in to give the caregivers time off..and I pray I can afford that so my children won’t have to be overwhelmed. My biggest prayer is they won’t have to worry about it at all..that my hubby and I won’t need that level of care.
There is one nursing home I trusted in this area, until they went for profit. I saw their performance all hrs day and night. I checked in on a regular basis, never the same time. They were outstanding. Now, they are about costs over care... They didn’t have a high staff turn over, now they do.
My father died at home at age 52, my mother cared for him and worked full time. She didn’t deserve to die alone in a nursing home.
True, but keep in mind WHY people are in nursing homes in the first place: they are sick and/or demented, and their family, for one reason or another, cannot or will not care for them at home.
Even the very BEST nursing homes suck.
My grandmother (85) got along fine until her stroke last year. Now she needs supervision.
My mother, who is a retired nurse, moved in with her.
Yep, family is the best option. No way I could let my mother waste away in a nursing home away from the family that she took care of for 40 years.
At the very best, nursing homes are warehouses where people wait to die.
Thanks for sharing the loving stories. You and your mom were selfless and brave for doing that! Being a primary caregiver is not an easy job.
I’m going to get all teary now. Your mom is very fortunate to have an advocate like you!
One of the things that makes me crazy is when people get their parents money transferred out of their name (can’t remember what this is called) and make them indigent so they can go into a state nursing home. IF I were going to have to put someone in a facility I would be darned sure I afforded the very best I could.
Don’t get me started... ;-p
My Great Grandmother went into a small private nursing home. I don’t know a lot about it, because her daughter (my Grandmother) is the one who took care of all of that, but I can tell you, Granny hated it. My husband and I would go with the kids and visit her and take her for a drive (she was mobile and lucid). When we would take her back she would cry. I felt terrible, and in hindsight maybe I could/should have tried to do something about it, but we lived far away in another town (5 hours away) and were young with small kids. Still, I feel bad when I think about her having to be there when she hated it.
Robert Reiche is on record as saying “kill them”.
Transferring money to hide from the state to get free nursing home care would be a fraudulant act, and an immoral if not illegal act toward the family member.
tioga
“There is a better way. For 2 1/2 years I took care of my mother in my home. The last year she was incontinent. I didn’t waiver, my family supported me and she died here at our home. I have no regrets. None. If I can do it anyone can.”
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2363955/posts?page=56#56
brytlea
“...If ever faced with that, I will do my darnedest to care for my husband at home. I realize sometimes it’s simply not possible.”
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2363955/posts?page=61#61
~~~~~ ~~~~~~
bttt to what you three wrote.
If health insurance would make it easier for a family to pay for caregivers without the battery of Activities of Daily Living there’d be fewer sent to the nursing homes, meaning that nursing homes would have to compete for ‘residents’. Ergo, conditions should improve.
To any others reading this post or the posts of ~Kim4VRWC’s~ brytlea or tioga:
If you have NOT visited a nursing home in your area, I recommend it highly.
If you have a close friend who has family member in a nursing home; offer to relieve them for a while and visit their family member. They may have to sign you up as a ‘close friend the family’ in order for you to gain access.
Do that for a few days or weeks.
First of all, you will be amazed at how quickly the staff will tune you out - even if you are observing - and taking mental notes.
Look around with an attentive eye as you blend in.
There will be four outcomes of your doing this:
1. your friend will really appreciate being spelled for a while;
2. the resident will appreciate the attention and care;
3. there will be a high probability that you will be stunned by the general lack of attention, attitude, the mechanical atmosphere, and general sanitary conditions;
4. and you will instruct your spouse or family to never ever put you in a nursing home if it can be avoided.
There is a legal way to do it. My husband is in the trust business, but I recall him talking about it, and he refused to do it for people.
Robert B Reiccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhh is another walking bung hole. He’d be singing a different tune lying in a dismal nursing home bed soaked in urine, trying to get some attention with not an aide in sight.
See my #76
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2363955/posts?page=76#76
I have been in a few nursing homes, either visiting someone, or once I had a job offer (activity director). At the last one I was appalled at the place, and I didn’t take the job because I just couldn’t see myself going there daily (I went back to school instead and got a teaching certificate). At any rate, that particular nursing home was shut down about a year later for violations of all sorts.
But, you know I really do need to find something I can do to go into nursing homes and visit people. I live out here where there are likely a million of them, and I suspect for many of the people who live there, just having someone come in and visit/talk is a bright spot in their day.
I have a friend who is caring for her mother at home, but I go visit her and the other day we took her out to lunch (she’s mobile with a walker). I love her mom, she’s fun and she’s in her 90s so she tells the most interesting things!
lol
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