Posted on 01/05/2009 8:56:31 AM PST by big black dog
This jet condensation trail seen at sunset will gradually evaporate, increasing the water vapor content of the atmosphere. Since a wide variety of human activities produce water vapor, the Earth's main greenhouse gas, the Environmental Protection Agency is seeking to have it designated as a pollutant.
(Washington, DC) The Environmental Protection Agency is seeking to classify water vapor as a pollutant, due to its central role in global warming. Because water vapor is the dominant greenhouse gas in the atmosphere, accounting for at least 90% of the Earth's natural greenhouse effect, its emission during many human activities, such as the burning of fuels, is coming under increasing scrutiny by federal regulators.
Until now, the carbon dioxide produced during the burning of fuels has been the main concern. The extra carbon dioxide causes a manmade enhancement of the greenhouse effect. But water vapor is also produced by combustion of most fuels, as well as by industry and utilities that use water for cooling. The EPA would be able to regulate its manmade sources if it is classified as a pollutant.
EPA Director of the Department of Pollutant Decrees, Ray Donaldson, said, "Back before carbon dioxide was dangerous, we simply assumed that water vapor was also benign. But all reputable scientists now agree that the increased water vapor content of the atmosphere from such sources as burning of fuels and power plant cooling towers will also enhance the greenhouse effect, leading to potentially catastrophic warming."
If successful, the push to classify water vapor as a dangerous pollutant would impact virtually everyone. For instance, homeowners could see a wide variety of common activities that cause evaporation being regulated: watering the lawn, or using a hot tub or swimming pool.
"Right now, we are not so concerned about the water vapor exhaled by people. That is low on our list of priorities", said Mr. Donaldson. "We'll tackle that manmade source at a later time." One likely result of such regulation would be an additional tax on fuels used by cars, trucks, passenger jets, and a wide variety of industries and utilities.
Predictably, the Bush Administration has voiced opposition to any regulation of water vapor emissions. White House staffer Lew Moninsky told ecoEnquirer, "This is simply ridiculous. The EPA wants to regulate all human activity out of existence. What about the massive amounts of water vapor being evaporated from the world's oceans every second? That's OK?, but human production of small amounts of vapor isn't? If it weren't for water vapor, there would be no rainfall! Give me a break!"
"Well, of course the Administration would say that…", said Mr. Donaldson, "..they're in the pocket of 'big oil' anyway."
The EPA is rumored to have a rather extensive list of potential pollutants in addition to water vapor, and some insiders claim that all known chemical compounds are targeted for future regulation. When informed of the rumored list of chemicals, Mr. Moninsky asked, "Well, since everything is made of chemicals, I guess that means that even every molecule of your body will be subject to regulation as well, doesn't it?"
Asked for their position on the matter, Greenpolice spokesperson Rainbow Treetower stated, "Our basic policy is, if it's good for people, it's bad for the planet."
“Government is the problem.” Best line ever.
“A long awaited ban on dihydrogen monoxide”
I take it you signed the petition? haha
Well...yes...but
It works because there's more than a hint of plausability about it.
The fact that it’s even slightly plausible is a very sad commentary on our times.
Please.....
These guys are behind the curve. They haven’t heard yet that global warming isn’t really an issue after all.
Especially at the rate this winter is going.
What are they going to do? Sue God? Tax the planet?
Imbeciles.
How can any group of people hate mankind sooo much? They should be *************!
Now they just qualify for government jobs.
Just a nit pick: if you can see it, it isn't water vapor, it's a man-made cloud which has very different properties: global cooling for one. Rainfall is significantly higher 20 miles downwind of heat islands like cities and power plants from man-made clouds.
This is a Nazi cabinet post.
Oh, well, there goes my tea kettle.
/ sarcasm
Satire should not be so close to reality.
Problem is, I could see them reading that piece and thinking it was a great idea.
It’s a sad state of affairs when it gets to that point.....
No. The hired out the research to AIG.
Yes, this article was satire, today... Tomorrow?
You know, I could take the global warming/climate change religion a bit more seriously if any of the proposed solutions were something other than a socialist wet dream.
If Socialism, Marxism, Communism or One World Government is our only hope, screw it, we don’t deserve to survive.
oh dear God!
Close. Very Close.
I would add, however, that one should not give eco-idiot-bureaucrats any ideas.
True, True. Just think that 50 years ago most of todays headlines (Gay Marriage, Hate Crimes, Global Warming) would have been considered "satire".
"You mean that politicians think that they can control the weather? Hyuk hyuk hyuk! And, those two homosexuals down the street want to get married? HAR HAR har har har har..... Now THAT'S a good one. What's next? Battery powered cars?"
Just look at all those polluting cooling towers! Which is what I thought the new “regulations” were going to be about until I realized it was satirical.
And sunlight on the ocean. And sweating. And breathing.
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