Dave Barry's Year in Review: Bailing out of 2008

The Norman Transcript ^ | December 25, 2008 | Dave Barry

[rightwingintelligentsia]

How weird a year was it?

Here's how weird:

O.J. actually got convicted of something.

Gasoline hit $4 a gallon -- and those were the "good" times.

On several occasions, "Saturday Night Live" was funny.

There were a few days there in October when you could not completely rule out the possibility that the next Treasury Secretary would be Joe the Plumber.

Finally, and most weirdly, for the first time in history, the voters elected a president who -- despite the skeptics who said such a thing would never happen in the United States -- was neither a Bush nor a Clinton.

Of course not all the events of 2008 were weird. Some were depressing. The only U.S. industries that had a good year were campaign consultants and foreclosure lawyers. Everybody else got financially whacked. Millions of people started out the year with enough money in their 401(k)s to think about retiring on, and ended up with maybe enough for a medium Slurpee.

[rightwingintelligentsia]

I look forward to this every year. Enjoy.

[informavoracious]

Thanks for posting — even though I peed my pants laughing more than once!

[Clint N. Suhks]

August

John McCain, still searching for the perfect running mate...by selecting Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin

Best day of the whole year.

[traviskicks]

Abroad, Fidel Castro steps down after 49 years as president of Cuba, explaining that he wants to spend more time decomposing.

LOL!

[Red_Devil 232]

Olympics

But even the critics are blown away by the spectacular opening ceremony, which features the entire population of Asia performing the Electric Slide.

[CounterCounterCulture]

A mesmerizing speaker, Obama electrifies voters with his exciting new ideas for change, although people have trouble remembering exactly what these ideas were because they were so darned mesmerized. Some people become so excited that they actually pass out. These are members of the press corps.

Exactly.

[ottbmare]

This would be funnier if it weren’t all true.

[PennsylvaniaMom]

Hi rwi...I hope you had a great Christmas. I didn’t get to the morning Quinn and Rose thread today (too much Christmas:) )

Thanks for posting Dave’s 2008 article...I too look forward to it each year. I got to see Barry (live) at the Palace Theatre in Greensburg (a couple years ago). I laughed so hard (and for so long) my cheeks hurt by the time I left. He is so entertaining...great delivery of his lines :)

[rightwingintelligentsia]

Hi, PAMom. We missed you on the thread today. However, it’s been a “Best Of” show since Q&R went on vacation. I guess they won’t be back until January 5, like the rest of the Talkers.

[PennsylvaniaMom]

I was stunned (or stuned) today...when I finally got to eat my lunch at around 2:30ish...(had to work...:p) Rush sounded ‘live.’ I am sure it was recorded...and I would guess he is off on a sunny island someplace...but the show sounded real time to me.

If Dave Barry tours thru the Burgh again, go see him. It was a delightful evening. Btw, I am sooooo excited, I got tix to see Jerry Seinfeld for Christmas. He is in town on January 3rd :)

[snippy_about_it]

Ping, great stuff as usual from Dave.

[Battle Axe]

Dave should prohibit eating and reading his stuff at the same time. Someone could choke on a turkey sandwich and almost die!!

[rhema]

April -- On the Republican side, John McCain gets wind of something called the ''Internet'' and orders his staff to give him a summary of it on index cards.

Touche'. Or maybe just Ouch.

[rhema]

September. . . The next night, John McCain, formally accepting the nomination, pledges to run ''a totally incoherent campaign.'' None of this is reported in the media because the entire press corps is in Wasilla, Alaska, investigating rumors that Palin once dated a yeti.

Does this guy know politics or what?

[AGreatPer]

This is great. My in-laws from the Bergh are here for the weekend and we really enjoyed reading and discussing this while playing old records (33 1/3, 45’s and 78’s) from the 50’s, 60’s & 70’s.)

[traviskicks]

this is a trip, dave barry is a libertarian and it is reflected in his writing, might be worth pinging the list...

[traviskicks]

In yet another troubling economic indicator, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac rob a liquor store.

As it becomes increasingly clear that the federal government's plan of giving hundreds of billions of dollars to dysfunctional companies has not fixed the problem, the government comes up with a bold new plan: give "more" hundreds of billions of dollars to dysfunctional companies. Soon the government is in a bailout frenzy, handing out money left and right, at one point accidentally giving $14 billion to a man delivering a Domino's pizza to the Treasury building.

[Moonman62]

Really funny article, and worth reading the whole thing.

[Ronzo]

I really enjoyed this one:

The International Atomic Energy Agency releases a report stating that Iran is actively developing nuclear warheads. In response, Iran issues a statement asserting that (1) it absolutely is not developing nuclear warheads, and (2) these are peaceful warheads. The United States, the United Kingdom, Germany, France, Russia and China convene an emergency meeting, during which they manage, in heated negotiations, to talk France out of surrendering.

Dave must lurk at Free Republic...

[Titan Magroyne]

Very funny, well worth the read!