Announcing the Fifth Annual “Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Horrible College-Student Poetry Competition

The Hatemonger's Quarterly ^ | April 28, 2008 | The Crack Young Staff

[Mongeaux]

Several horriffic examples going up on Constitution Club:

The Earth screams

An angry banshee wailing omnipotently in the midday sun.
Rev your gasoline engine
Race to the doom of our precious green mother

Dance!
Dance the dance of doom!
Expatriate your global war of terror
Execute those who disagree

Banish the schoolchildren to a lifetime of servitude
Enaslave us all with your guns.
Malfeasance will reign supreme.
A great grey goddess in the temple of torpitude

VOTE CHENEY 2008!!!!1

[Billthedrill]

OK, that was pretty bad. I think, though, that there's just enough alliteration in the last verse to betray someone who actually does write poetry.

A BTT for a great contest. I promise an entry later.

[joebuck]

Kill my landlord, Kill my landlord.

[Mongeaux]

Cool!

Your'e welcome to post it here or in the comments section at Conclub - we're going to submit in a batch. And naturally you can email it direct to the Crack Young Staff.

Another excresence from ConClub:

Vegetarian Predator
By The Hairy Beast

(1) She stands on the quad or
the quad stands on her. They march
by
They see but they don’t see
all that I see.
Why should they?

They don’t know her.

(2) The wind tumbles the sheet across the tar
Stained with tears of rain.
Red and black black and red. It flips and flops.

The face of the hope we wait for.

3) She tapes another to the wall
of the student union. It tries to stick
It clings
Then is rejected like the other.

Gives itself to the fickle wind.

4)And the others walk on indifferant.
But I see.
And I know her.

She is the we we are waiting for.

[agere_contra]

Race to the doom of our precious green mother

Dance!

Dance the dance of doom!

That was glorious, thank you.

[Straight Vermonter]

c-i-l-l my landlor’ def

[Straight Vermonter]

We all despise college students. And rightfully so, we must add.

Is there any reason that college student should be unable to cross a road safely? I come within a whisker of running one of them down about once a week. They just step out into the road regardless of traffic. Crazy.

[Blood of Tyrants]

I tried to write a poem for this contest but the vomit in the back of my throat made me stop. Which gives me an idea.

Amerika, your culture is spewed
onto the world
like vomit on the sidewalk after a frat party.

[Mongeaux]

That would be a great topic for a horrible poem. Enlightened College kid vs Fascist planet-destroying cars.

[Mongeaux]

Good stuff Tyrant - maybe redraft as a haiku for extra pretension points?

Writing bad college poetry is not as easy as it seems, is it?

[Blood of Tyrants]

Is there any reason that college student should[n't] be unable to cross a road safely?

Because being raised with a silver spoon in their mouths they have never observed chickens?

[Straight Vermonter]

the earth Killing car
you drive
shows your Hate for our Mother
how can you
Sleep
when the polar bears are drowning?

[Mongeaux]

LOL! That’s funny! Ok all these will be submitted unless you don’t want them to.

[Straight Vermonter]

Sure, submit it if you like.

My wife is a poet. She judges poetry for various contests. You wouldn’t believe how much of it is similar to that poem.

[Blood of Tyrants]

I’ll take some ginger tablets (a natural and effective anti-nausea herb) and try later.

[Mongeaux]

It’s great as is Tyrant, but if you want to suffer for art - go ahead!

[L,TOWM]

temple of torpitude

Is'nt that where they shoot "The Biggest Loser"?

[Mongeaux]

My wife is a poet. She judges poetry for various contests. You wouldn’t believe how much of it is similar to that poem.

Oh, I believe it all right.

[Mongeaux]

No that’s Ted Kennedy’s private confession booth.

[CzarNicky]

An angry banshee wailing omnipotently in the midday sun. Rev your gasoline engine Race to the doom of our precious green mother

Dance! Dance the dance of doom! Expatriate your global war of terror Execute those who disagree

Banish the schoolchildren to a lifetime of servitude Enaslave us all with your guns. Malfeasance will reign supreme. A great grey goddess in the temple of torpitude

VOTE CHENEY 2008!!!!1

Now that's a platform I can get behind.