Posted on 04/27/2008 5:54:32 AM PDT by greyfoxx39
NOTE FROM A FOSTER MOTHER
A FReeper mom who doesn't have time to post, has shared her experience with me and graciously given me permission to post her thoughts. Here is the first note from her:
"Here’s my deal. I am totally transfixed on this polygamous cult issue but don’t have the time or inclination to actively participate on the board. It must have something to do with my six kids, one of whom is disabled. I am a foster mom BTW so I’m sorta torked out of shape about all the shoddy accusations against foster parents. I know that for me, my husband and family, being a foster home is a sacrifice of love rather than a scheme for money or the opportunity perpetrate abuse on downtrodden children. We became foster parents for exactly the opposite reasons (love, devotion, christian duty) yet my small foster care contribution to society is often scoffed at and even impugned here on FR.
But as I was trying to allude to earlier, it’s hard to come up with the time (and energy, honestly) to haggle with stupidity here on the board...if ya know what I mean. Seems that every time I break down and hit "Post" I am interrupted with multiple wails of "Mommmmmmmmmmmm"
(LOL I almost said "Mother" but couldn’t do it without the sound of those empty, unison borg voices reverberating in my brain, "and then she said ‘mother! I want to stay with you! And I said ‘I am her mother! She needs her mother!’)"
Second note from foster mom:
You may share my email. I would also like to add that prior to being a foster mom I had my own run in’s with CPS. All unsubstantiated claims by people whom I angered along the way. All told I had CPS show up at my door 4 times during my 22 years of motherhood. The first few times I reacted like these ranch women, offended, elusive, unhelpful...which didn’t endear me to the state workers...they *always* ended up gaining entry (often against my protest) and always ended up leaving once they confirmed the reports were not true. After those times of dealing with the sytem I finally learned that when it comes to "the children" CPS can and WILL investigate, even outlandish and unsubstantiated claims. There is no use coping a ‘tude and being offended at the intrusion, it doesn’t work.
It was quite a transition for me to go from ‘defensive mother’ to ‘part of the system’ (as a foster mother) where now when a worker shows up to my door I greet them with a smile and offer a cup of coffee. With foster children in the mix we can expect regular visits from their workers. To be honest with you I feel more of a sense of security now that I know how the system works (that it often really DOES work, even when the claim is bogus) and have adjusted my own thinking such that I don’t rush to push ‘my constitutional rights’ the moment a worker rings the bell saying "We’ve had a complaint that..." Indeed, the children have constitutional rights also of which is the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness...which would not include a childhood of abuse!
ANYWAYS, dashing off to therapy with one of my lovely daughters.
Third note from foster mom:
One of my [young] adult Foster Son’s just dropped by (between the last letter and this), came over to say "hello" and "hang out" :-) He was with us for two years and embraces us as ‘family’ even after reaching maturity and leaving our home. I can hear him banging away on the Guitar Hero as I type, LOL. Even grown men have a little boy inside, it was my true pleasure to help this young man as he moved from boyhood to adult hood and I KNOW I did good because.. well here he is (of his own volition), we are the ones he calls "mom" and "dad" and the ones he still turns to when he needs comfort and/or support.
I need to sign off and go visit with my Son before he has to depart :-)))
There has been so much vilification of CPS and the foster care system on these FLDS threads, that we need to be reminded that there thousands of good, caring people who labor daily to give support, love and a kind, caring home to children who would otherwise never know how it felt to call out "Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" and have his call answered with loving attention.
look, I wasn’t slamming the concept of foster parenting or the good foster parents out there, I’m just saying, especially in this area, there have been 3 murders in the past 2 years where foster parents killed a child in their care.. there has also been at least 10 abuse cases that made the news because they were so bad.. my family is in law enforcement and social work and tell me stories that would curl your toes.. this is an area where anyone in social work of any kind has WAY too much work to handle properly.. in this area, it is ridiculously easy to become a foster parent..and if you say the money isn’t much.. well it’s enough for some people, especially if you rack up a few kids.. so don’t come after me because I point out problems in this system..
OK. So how many kids were murdered by their biological parents in your area during the same period? I know of only one FP murdering a kid in my area and that was one too many. The kook got past the system which here is pretty darn rigid as far as foster parents go.
Probably not any different than anyone elses experiences with foster children. Everyone we ever had had been abused in some manner, with one exception.
Robert was an infant, about 9 months old and the only infant we ever had. He came to us because his mother had to go into the hospital for surgery and had absolutely no one else to care for him. We had him for about two weeks and the mother came to our house to pick him up, the only parent who was ever allowed to do so by the way. There was a tearful and joyful reunion between mother and child.
Robert was a delightful and happy baby with a penchant for pulling my chest hair when I held him. I learned very early to keep my shirt buttoned all the way to the top.
I assume you are a guy then :’)
A safe assumption.
I only brought up my experience originally because someone was talking about foster moms and how special they are. I just wanted to “feel” special too.
That chest hair pulling thing is pretty common among infants and yet I had to relearn it with each new child, grand child and great grand child we have had over the years.
So document it. The archives of your local paper should have it.
Why should we simply take your word on it when the cult defender types refuse to take the word of CPS about what they’ve found? It’s simply a he said/ she said situation.
Why would you have credibility that they not?
If these cases made the news, it shouldn't be any problem to post links to the articles about them. Just google away.
If I make a general statement proclaiming something, I'm usually questioned by someone on my sources. The fair thing to do, if you have knowledge about this, is to back it up.
This was the one I was refering to. The only one I can recall in the past few years. http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2007/nov/28/life-with-foster-dad-recalled/ This man should have never made it past the screening process. BTW my personal physican had to sign saying I was physically and mentally capable.
Thanks for showing how easy it was to source it. What state is that?
I know you weren’t. But this happened in East Tennessee last November. I was going through parenting classes then and we had a pretty good talk about it. He obviously was highly out of control. You have to have plenty of self control to help some kids. You have to realize the kids are products of the damage done by adults and hope you can in a considerable amount of time help them. No magic wands I know of to make it all better. That said I don’t think any foster parent would ever give this guy a benifit of the doubt. He crossed a very well defined line.
My FDLS pings/posts are disappearing.
look..you think i have nothing better to do than google local FP murder and abuse cases because you choose not to believe me? Do you seriously believe that there are ZERO FP problems in California? That I’m just a liar who hates foster care? sheesh.. I have a life..
and btw... just to be nice.. I tried going through my local paper online.. they want 3 bux for each archived article....
All your FDLS pings/posts are belong to us.
Special thanks to the mysterious foster mom....you made my screen go all blurry! Prayers to you and your family.
Prayers to all these flds children, as well, that this experience leaves them better off than they were.
Now a woman down the street is a foster mom. No dad in the house, just her and her teenaged daughter who has a toddler of her own. They take in autistic kids. This is a home where I would not let my children play because of the poor supervision by the mom. Last year one of her charges got upset and ran off. He was six years old and his teen aged sister was looking all over the neighborhood for him. The foster mother could not be bothered - she told the girl, "It will be dark soon. He'll get scared and come home." Yes, she has been reported by neighbors, but somehow she still has foster kids at her house.
I know there are many good foster parents, but would you want your kids in a system where they have a chance of being placed with my neighbor?
Truth and logic hurt you when you try to argue without them. Sorry to cause you such pain.
Thank you so much for posting this. I too know some foster parents, and they have all been fine parents and lovely people. Do other kinds exist? Certainly. And of course, they make the news...
susie
It’s kinda like being a public school teacher on FR. People like to paint with broad brushes.... I suppose it’s easier that way!
susie
I know I would have freaked out if they had come to my house too! And with 3 little stair step boys, my house was rarely ready for prime time. Glad it went well for you.
Reminds me of a story about my oldest when he was about 3. We were in the grocery store, and he wouldn’t come along with me. I had his younger brother in the cart, and was pregnant with my 3rd. Anyway, I grabbed his arm to pull him along (I think he wanted to look at a toy or something) and loud as all get out he said, “Stop it you’re breaking my arm!” (as if!) and then he aded “AGAIN!” Now, everyone stopped and stared at me, and I’m sure they were all thinking I was a horrible abusive Mom! And, btw, no, he had never had a broken bone in his life. I have no idea what possessed him. Kids do say the darndest things.
susie
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