Posted on 04/27/2008 5:54:32 AM PDT by greyfoxx39
NOTE FROM A FOSTER MOTHER
A FReeper mom who doesn't have time to post, has shared her experience with me and graciously given me permission to post her thoughts. Here is the first note from her:
"Here’s my deal. I am totally transfixed on this polygamous cult issue but don’t have the time or inclination to actively participate on the board. It must have something to do with my six kids, one of whom is disabled. I am a foster mom BTW so I’m sorta torked out of shape about all the shoddy accusations against foster parents. I know that for me, my husband and family, being a foster home is a sacrifice of love rather than a scheme for money or the opportunity perpetrate abuse on downtrodden children. We became foster parents for exactly the opposite reasons (love, devotion, christian duty) yet my small foster care contribution to society is often scoffed at and even impugned here on FR.
But as I was trying to allude to earlier, it’s hard to come up with the time (and energy, honestly) to haggle with stupidity here on the board...if ya know what I mean. Seems that every time I break down and hit "Post" I am interrupted with multiple wails of "Mommmmmmmmmmmm"
(LOL I almost said "Mother" but couldn’t do it without the sound of those empty, unison borg voices reverberating in my brain, "and then she said ‘mother! I want to stay with you! And I said ‘I am her mother! She needs her mother!’)"
Second note from foster mom:
You may share my email. I would also like to add that prior to being a foster mom I had my own run in’s with CPS. All unsubstantiated claims by people whom I angered along the way. All told I had CPS show up at my door 4 times during my 22 years of motherhood. The first few times I reacted like these ranch women, offended, elusive, unhelpful...which didn’t endear me to the state workers...they *always* ended up gaining entry (often against my protest) and always ended up leaving once they confirmed the reports were not true. After those times of dealing with the sytem I finally learned that when it comes to "the children" CPS can and WILL investigate, even outlandish and unsubstantiated claims. There is no use coping a ‘tude and being offended at the intrusion, it doesn’t work.
It was quite a transition for me to go from ‘defensive mother’ to ‘part of the system’ (as a foster mother) where now when a worker shows up to my door I greet them with a smile and offer a cup of coffee. With foster children in the mix we can expect regular visits from their workers. To be honest with you I feel more of a sense of security now that I know how the system works (that it often really DOES work, even when the claim is bogus) and have adjusted my own thinking such that I don’t rush to push ‘my constitutional rights’ the moment a worker rings the bell saying "We’ve had a complaint that..." Indeed, the children have constitutional rights also of which is the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness...which would not include a childhood of abuse!
ANYWAYS, dashing off to therapy with one of my lovely daughters.
Third note from foster mom:
One of my [young] adult Foster Son’s just dropped by (between the last letter and this), came over to say "hello" and "hang out" :-) He was with us for two years and embraces us as ‘family’ even after reaching maturity and leaving our home. I can hear him banging away on the Guitar Hero as I type, LOL. Even grown men have a little boy inside, it was my true pleasure to help this young man as he moved from boyhood to adult hood and I KNOW I did good because.. well here he is (of his own volition), we are the ones he calls "mom" and "dad" and the ones he still turns to when he needs comfort and/or support.
I need to sign off and go visit with my Son before he has to depart :-)))
There has been so much vilification of CPS and the foster care system on these FLDS threads, that we need to be reminded that there thousands of good, caring people who labor daily to give support, love and a kind, caring home to children who would otherwise never know how it felt to call out "Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" and have his call answered with loving attention.
Gosh, graybeard...do you want to post about your experiences as a foster dad? I’d love to see it.
It’s good that this person is a good foster mom..but unfortunately she is a minority.... the system is rife with abuse because it offers money for housing and feeding children.. there are too many foster homes and not enough caseworkers... here in my area alone, several children have been murdered and abused by foster parents.. when you put money into the mix, you invite greed and evil.. How about screening foster families more carefully?
And sincerely in my experience, the majority are conservative (at least around here). So the irony is palpable. Oh yeah, and I've been a foster parent too.
I don’t know about your area, but we had to have a psychological evalutaion, a financial study, a home visit, a criminal background check, a physical, give 3 people as character references and have a home inspection by the health department.
AND go through 6 weeks of classes.
AND have often weekly meetings with the SW and child or Doc and Child etc.
As for money, I don’t see how anyone can make a profit off of being a foster-— I spent equal out of pocket as a got for my kids. But I knew that going into it. I mean, yeah, 25 bucks for a birthday?
I’m not saying there aren’t bad parents, but it’s getting tiring reading nothing but ‘they’re bad’ from people who don’t or haven’t done it.
AMEN!
How 'bout some proof to back up those claims? Links to articles, unimportant stuff like that there?
Foster parents surrender far more of their rights, privacy, and time then the birth parent does. Yes not even the family pet is exempt. How about 10 weeks one night a week of parenting classes to care for your own grandkids whom you have known all their lives? Your home at any given moment can be inspected. Your life literally becomes an open book and they leave no pages unopened. How about Second Amendment? I sleep very lightly these days. A serious question especially if you are a foster parent. Many states require gun locks. Ammo locked up one place the weapon another. Hey never mind you are dealing with stalker parents with criminal records violence related in some cases. Don't be so quick to judge us till you've walked a few miles in our shoes. Three years ago even two or less I never dreamed it a possibility of doing what I do today. Life's realities dictated otherwise.
how about figuring out how to make people better parents, as the bottom line is, we will all be inundated w/ children into the system that have bio parents that don’t want them or can’t care for them; and that’s the problem. There are not enough foster parents, especially black. And that feeds into the problem of certain blacks stepping in for the money. And it’s not just blacks, so don’t get me wrong but that is the majority of the children in the system.
go to http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/adoption/search/indexnew.asp
and just search the adoptable kids and see what comes up.
This is very true. There are many loving, godly foster parents who take on this responsibility as a genuine calling to help children. In fact, most foster parents are probably good people like this.
Definitely, I think foster care would be a better place for these children than a pedophile cult!
I just feel badly for the mothers too. Actually these mothers are probably abuse victims and their young children probably are not. Nobody ever said the 5-year-olds were molested but all these women were probably raped by old men when they were young teenagers. They are victims of this cult too. I hope they can be brought back into normal society and reunited with their children. If the pedophile men are kept away from them I think they can learn being good mothers. And there are many children who have been abused already who need the help of the foster families. I don’t like taking children away from their mothers who didn’t even do anything bad to them yet just because the mothers were born into a strange cult and raped. They deserve our sympathy and prayers.
But it is a sad, sad situation and whatever happens I am so glad the children will not grow up on this evil ranch.
LOL. That money about covers expenses. There are much easier ways to make a buck than be a foster parent. My gasoline bill alone is nearly $500 a month. My vehicle which I figured would last us 4 more years is shot. There's clothing as well. Usually the kids have ZERO belongings that come with them. Kids want things like games, toys, etc. They too cost money. We started out and did six months with Zero help as far as money goes. It was an emergency placement and we then had to get certified for foster care. Our combined income was $1400 from our disability checks. Things were very tight. Had it not been for other family members monetary help we would not have made it.
Two kids in my state means roughly $1200 a month combined compensation which is what the payment actually is for both. Ours are fixing to be taken out of the state {paying} foster care system and be placed in our permanent custody. Then Mommy and Daddy if we can get anything from them has to pay child support.
I have mentioned on a few threads my own CPS experience a few weeks ago. A neighbor from the church I once belonged called because my children were outside during school hours. Had called because she thought they might be unsupervised (when I go out I will leave my 13 year old son to babysit and unless necessary I generally wait until after public school hours). And this person was “concerned” about the condition of our house. Most people I knew were shocked and angry that anyone would call CPS on my family. I called someone I had considered a friend from this church and she came back with, “It doesn’t matter who called. They were probably concerned.” Concerned is not calling CPS over something so frivilous. Even the CPS worker said it was a silly accusation, said if I was worried about them coming in she could make an appointment for four days later.
Everything I read said not to let them in. Other homeschoolers said the same thing and posted one of those CPS nightmare stories. Some suggested to only be completely positive and don’t say anything negative about the neighbor (who we knew about because my son saw the workers go to her house after ours). Some friends of ours who helped clean up (you can imagine what kind of messes four boys and a girl can make) our house said not to worry. My closest friend told me just to let them in and be honest. Even to tell them about this neighbor. Without really planning anything, of all the advice I was given, I ended up automatically following the advice of my closest friend.
When she was on the porch, the caseworker said unless there were evidence of drug use, taking our children was never an option. She said she knew how I felt, because she would be freaked out if CPS was at her door, too. She said there was no evidence of any problems, but she just needed to do a quick walk through and take care of paper work. She said education was the choice of parents and out children looked well taken care of. She said about half the calls they get are the results of custody issues, in-law problems, or neighbors like mine. And they have to investigate every one.
I always say everything happens for a reason. I think this happened so I know which people are really friends and so I can let others know what CPS is really like. At least, in Arizona. Someone on here said that Texas’s CPS is about the same as Arizona’s.
God bless our anonymous FReeper Mom and her family.
On the other hand nobody can stop a neighborhood busybody and the CPS worker figured that's what it was. Most states vet or screen abuse calls for validity much like police departments do bomb threats. They get saturated with crank calls. The CPS visit you saw to a neighbor afterward may or may not have been the caller. Most CP workers or the ones in my neck of the woods have a full platter to deal with without drumming up business.
PING!!
FReepmail to be added to the FLDS Eldorado Legal Case Ping List
The reason we assume it was the caller was because they went from my house directly to hers. She is a widow who lives alone. The other people on the street know we homeschool and the remainder of people may be illegals with their own issues. The weekend before the appointment anytime I was in my driveway at night I would notice this neighbor would flip off her lights as soon as I was out there.
I think this really misses the point. Your experience is not any more what cps is *really* like than anyone else's experiences. You had the pleasure of encountering a reasonable, pleasant social worker, as is often the case. Some people have dealt with vindictive, control-hungry social workers. Neither shows what cps is really like, just what the employee assigned to you is really like.
My family was a foster family, and most foster parents may be wonderful, but the problem isn't the foster families, it is the system. The problem with cps is that it often isn't held accountable for its actions. Like any bureaucracy its goal is self-perpetuation and growth. This doesn't change just because the word "child" is in its name. Although many of the employees are doing good work from good motives, if a state agency is not held accountable for its actions, we shouldn't be surprised that it presides over some of the disasters we've seen. Parents are accountable to cps, but to whom is cps accountable? Why the lack of transparency? (Not in this case, but in general.)
What do you think about the documented rapes of children in cps texas care? Can we dismiss this by saying, "I know some nice foster parents" or "I met a helpful social worker"?
This situation remind me of people complaining about juries but won't serve. If you feel foster care is so bad, sign up and make a difference.
I know that the foster parent program is populated with many great, caring people who really care for the children placed with them, as I know many foster parents and foster kids.
The few, and I must emphasize FEW, bad apples in the mix make the news and stir things up.
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