Posted on 03/11/2008 12:23:47 PM PDT by Izzy Dunne
New York - At a hastily scheduled morning press conference at the headquarters of New York's exclusive Emperors Club prostitution ring, high priced call girl "Kristen" announced that she would temporarily step aside in the wake of charges that she had engaged in sex with New York Governor Eliot Spitzer.
"I made a serious mistake and betrayed the trust of my co-workers, my many clients, and my pimps," she said in a quiet voice cracking with emotion. "I will be taking a leave of absence to earn their forgiveness, and redeem myself in the eyes of the entire expensive whore community."
The embattled prostitute did not mention Spitzer by name, and stopped short of offering an official resignation. But longtime sex industry insiders say that it will be difficult for Kristen to return to her post in light of mounting federal wiretap evidence that she had sexually serviced the Governor on at least two occasions.
"It will be hard for her to spin her way out of this," said Destinee Rizzo, editor of the trade journal Executive Concubine."After taking on clients like that, her days as a five diamond, high-roller suite call girl are over. Frankly, with all the press coverage she'll be lucky to get a job as a $5 truck stop lot lizard in Kentucky."
"The big problem now is to keep this incident from threatening the whole expensive whore industry," added Rizzo.
The revelation brought an immediate and angry reaction from Greymont Preston IV, spokesman for the powerful consumer watchdog group Profligate Wastrels United. "For that kind of money, there's an expectation that these girls have been with Snoop Dogg or Charlie Sheen," said Preston. "But please -- Eliot Spitzer? When our members are spending five thousand dollars to snort cocaine off an ass, they want to know that ass has some standards."
Preston said his organization would push for new industry guidelines, including a "black box" john tracking system, but stopped short of calling for government regulation.
"Unfortunately, that would involve meeting with members of Congress, and many of our member don't want to risk having the photos become public," said Preston.
Lafester "Sly" Williams, president of the Big Dollar Pimp Association, said his group would comply with greater oversight and control systems.
"We want to assure the expensive whore buying public -- whether they are drug dealers, washed out big league ball players, or compulsive gamblers on a temporary hot streak -- that when they purchase one of our products, that fine bitch will now be DNA tested and certified 100% free of contaminants from politicians or journalists," said Williams.
Despite the new assurances, Rizzo says it may take years for the whore industry's luxury segment to recover from the incident.
"The saddest thing is what it done to the youngsters, those starry-eyed 17 and 18 year old boys out there who dream someday of blowing thirty or forty thousand dollars on a hotel room full of beautiful, high end hookers," said Rizzo. "Sure, only a few ever achieve it, but that boyhood dream has always been universal. After the Spitzer incident, thought, I'm just not sure whether that's true anymore."
As to underscore that concern, as Kristen walked toward the exit of the press conference to her waiting 1973 Lincoln Continental Mark IV, she was approached by a teenage boy, a forlorn questioning in his eyes.
"Say it ain't so, Kristen," he begged. "Say it ain't so!"
So funny, as always.
THis, being Milt....
It’s hard out there for a pimp.
Oh I’m sure HER parents are proud..........
I don’t know what’s more funny: the satire, or that some people take this article seriously.
Iowahawk, besting Saturday Night Live for 10 years going.
I know a nice convent where she will be away from prying eyes and able to get in touch with herself!!!
Firing her is kind of harsh. Couldn’t they just downgrade her to three diamonds?
Friends of yours, maybe neighbors?
Are you resigning?
Ping!
Cousins.
And when they visit, they are so neat and clean.
On the other hand, I've never seen kristinn and this whore in the same room at the same time...
Ha! Another liberal corrupt politician taken down by kristinn!
Being “Iowahawk”, the possibility is nearly 100%...
Or should I say, bada bing, bada boom!
ROFL.
Damn your funny!
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