Posted on 02/14/2008 6:25:05 AM PST by reaganaut1
At this stage in my life I have simply given up and am pretty ambivilent about the whole dating thing.
I feel exactly the same way.
Ooh, good point!
first, it's all my fault. Once I learned that, life was much easier.
Second, No matter if I win an argument, I lose. So, I never argue.
the most important lesson we have learned is that I GET THE LAST WORD, and it's usually...."Yes, dear."
In my experience, on this end of life, marriage etc....looking back at my parents marriage, grandparents, other relatives, my own....
There is marrying out of fear-— of being alone, not having what everyone else has, fear of not having a family, fear of not being with someone——because we’re supposed to...all of those are disasters. Because people will bring someone toxic their lives out of pure desperation.
Settling in the sense of adjusting, being realistic, knowing that they are a good person with faults...that’s not bad.
With that being said, the hardest thing for any human to do is to learn that it’s better to be alone in good company, be with someone and miserably lonely.
I’ve done both.....I married the love of my life at 22, settled for a disaster at 31 because I never thought I’d be able to find that kind of love again.
I’ve learned.
So heed me well.... marry only for love, never out of fear.
Apparently, they haven’t quite gotten the concept that it's all simply drama and fantasy, and that every word and nuance, down to the gestures, props, and facial expressions is specifically designed to elicit an emotional reaction, and subliminally present a specific message meant to influence them in a particular direction.
They really seem to believe that we are all just characters in some sappy drama (melodrama??) where Carrie or Monica prevail over Mr. Big or Ross at the end of the episodes’s alloted time.
The real world is far too emotionally overwhelming and scary for them to contemplate, so in order to remain functional, they have retreat into a fantasy world where everybody is happy in the end. Small wonder they absolutely freak out (to the point of situational-paralysis) when they don't get that happy ending they were sure was right around the corner.
You just identified the father problem in the urban community. Men don't get married to their baby mommas because they don't have to. If the women in the ghetto refused to have sex without a ring, there would be a lot of rings being bought.
That goes both ways! Anyone who talks about “settling” is basically saying “you’re better than nothing”.
But we have a really screwed up notion of love in our culture. We think it’s nothing but a feeling. That’s the hormones talking. Love takes work. It’s a decision. If you remember that - if you decide to fall in love - well, then, that makes the job a lot easier.
When I met Talon, I didn’t fall for him and then realize he was so compatible with me. I realized that he was everything I was looking for and then decided to fall for him.
Yes, except that outside of chicklit guys are bombarded but ‘that is not what women want any more.’
I guess being paid for the article is all she really wants.
Just a quick note to all the FReeper wimin:
Happy Valentine’s Day!
(s) Mr. Almost Good Enough...
I married the love of my life at 22, and after 19 years (and a large dose of Reality :-), we’re very happy.
It’s hardly an original observation, but just as important as marrying, not THE right person, but A right person (there are a lot of Right People out there) is being, or becoming, a right person.
But that doesn’t mean the men would stay, be faithful, or a good provider.
Men need men to teach them show them and lead them.
We have had enough women stuff for a bit.
And you too have a good marriage and a good relationship. Love is an action and an activity. But it comes out of sincere feelings and motivations.
I am a very strong believer that the worst thing anyone can do is think they HAVE to find love. You have to be able to function without it-— give it away yes, but you can’t be so hungry for it that you’ll take crumbs when you deserve the whole cake.
Congratulations on making it to the end of the article. I couldn’t!
LOL!
Well, check out Amazon’s forums, or any board on the ‘net. The books that sell the best these days have those guys.....the bookstores and e-sites are flooded with them.
The trick is they aren’t ‘WOMEN MUST SUBMIT’ jerks but simply men who love their women and care fo them.
Can guys get on that ping list?
Smooch hun!
I lubs ya.
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