Posted on 01/07/2008 6:58:30 AM PST by shrinkermd
My grandmother recently, and reluctantly, asked if I could give her some money.
There's no question my wife, Amy, and I will give her the funds; she raised me and is, by and large, the woman I consider my mom. She has always been kind to Amy. If we have the discretionary cash that can make my grandmother's life happy, shouldn't we hand it over?
Yet the request has caused us a lot of angst.
Part of our concern is where this will lead. Although my grandmother isn't asking for a lot of money -- just a few hundred dollars -- when you open your wallet to family members, the first time is rarely the last. We don't want to get in the position of becoming my grandmother's ATM.
But it's more than that. Amy and I have worked hard to earn this money, and it's frustrating to have somebody want to tap into our account. What's more, my grandmother will no doubt use the money for things that we'd never buy ourselves. We don't want to feel like suckers for funding a lifestyle that we might consider indulgent.
So that leads us to the question we've been grappling with: When providing financial assistance to a family member, is it fair to say the money comes with constraints on how it is spent? Or, is financial assistance an exercise in unconditional love?
(Excerpt) Read more at online.wsj.com ...
I think that's EXACTLY what this article really is.
This is where he misses the boat. He should be investigating why a woman who has always lived within her means suddenly can't and is asking (reluctantly) for money.
Was she ripped off by a scammer? Did someone steal her CC and she doesn't realize those charges are illegitimate? Is another family member or aquaintance bleeding her dry?
When you have an anomalous change in financial behavior like that, you really should find out what's behind it.
I hate this man. Grandma raised you? I bet there were times when she would have liked something for herself when she gave something to you instead. Or how about the time she was bone tired but sat up and listened to your dreams for several hours? Or the time your wife really needed a day away from the kids and she watched your kids even though her back was killing her.
Now you reluctantly lend her a couple of hundred bucks and embarrass her in front of everyone, claiming she may use you as an ATM machine?
Your love of money and fame over the love of your grandmother, who I’m sure loved you even at your most obnoxious, is astounding.
“Let me say it at the outset: I don’t believe children bear an obligation to their parents as a cost of having been raised by those parents. Bringing a child into the world is a parent’s choice, not the child’s. Thus, the obligations that do exist run from parent to child, not in reverse.”
Only problem here is that she did not bring you into the world and still raised you when it was her time to be free of raising children, you brat.
Buy her a case of dogfood, you don’t need her anymore!
sarcasm/>>
My thoughts exactly. You would think that if grandma raised him he could give her a bit of money to have fun with or use as she likes. The Walmart card is a great idea too. Its nice to be able to do something extra for an elderly person. When his grandma is no longer here I hope he remembers what a cheapskate he was...
Wait till this clown gets up in age. He’ll have changed his tune by then, at the very least that the “state” stand in as proxy.
This seems to be becoming a trend- I know of several people who are financing/subsidizing daughters that are grown and/or are married. This seems bizarre to me, but is getting more and more common. We have a friend that purchased his daughter a house...furnished it, and still pays her bills though she is married and her husband has a decent job and she is a teacher. Wierd- just wierd!
See, now I read the article by this piece of garbage wrapped in skin called Jeff Opdyke and my immediate thought was "typical boomer." I see that he's 41 so he resides on the cusp of Boomerdom/Gen X. But I must say that the pathology of Gen X and Y comes from only one place: the destruction of American values and the lack of personal responsibility that Boomers consider a point of pride.
That would make sense. I really think SS should be eliminated for below a certain age. I have elderly family that depend on it. though . We need to honor our word but in the future family should take care of their own IMO.
It really depends on the grandmother’s circumstances. My grandparents lived large, traveling around the world, living in a highrise with a lake view on Michigan Ave. in Chicago, then they moved south, moving repeatedly and building new homes wherever they moved. My grandfather wanted to learn how to play piano, so he bought himself a Steinway. He dabbled in astronomy, so he bought himself a $15k telescope. They always had two new cars.
When my grandfather died, we discovered that he had left less than $25k in savings to support my grandmother (he had inherited $750k less than 10 years earlier). Once he died, his pension stopped and she had nothing but social security.
My folks supported her in a simpler lifestyle for the next 12 years, but there was always some resentment over the heedless way my grandparents had spent their money.
While I believe that we have an obligation to help our parents and grandparents, not everyone lives a life that should be free of comment.
AARP is evil.
AARP delenda est.
I didn't do it out of obligation - unless you consider a G_d given command to do it. I did it out of love, and I also knew that I wouldn't see the money again. No problem, since I also undstood that it was a gift, and not a loan.
If this guy is questioning giving Grandma money, then he is not doing it for the right reasons, and maybe he should help in other ways.
Maybe your friend is dissipating his estate to avoid estate tax liability. Last year, my parents gave my brother and me significant amounts of money - which we did not ask for or expect - after they sold inherited property and did not want to keep the money in their estate.
I think your approach is reasonable and one that shows genuine concern for the grandmother’s real financial issues. After all, if the shoe was reversed and the grown child was asking for money, you’d naturally expect this to be the reaction from the parent. Yes, we’ll help, but part of helping you is figuring out why you’re having the problem and seeing what can be realistically done to minimize or eliminate it.
AARP constantly sends letters to its members for donations. “We’re fighting on your behalf, please support us, you may lose this and this if we don’t get enough money to keep fighting” and that kind of crap. I know because I get this junk and I’m not even old enough to join.
Wow, that was pretty brazen to do that. Bet you also felt loved by your mom on that one too! Hope things didn’t sour too badly between you because of this.
And I hope when you and your wife die and leave your precious savings account to your kids that they take all of that money and spend it foolishly, by going to a few retirement homes and taking a whole bunch of lonely old ladies out to brunch, maybe even give them a day to get their hair done. That would be a horrible waste of money./s And you and your wife can spin in your graves over the loss of your god.
Great post! Rr0aaGaaK!
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