Posted on 12/20/2007 5:21:42 AM PST by 2ndDivisionVet
Today, I present my handy guide to choosing a presidential candidate. I call it the Asteroid Test.
Imagine this scenario: A mile-wide asteroid is hurtling toward Earth. Scientists say a collision is imminent and that it will obliterate life on the planet.
Now ask yourself this: What would each presidential candidate do? (Disregard my own candidacy, which is strictly a Flip Side
phenomenon.)
Here's how I see some of our presidential hopefuls reacting when I run through the asteroid exercise:
• Joe Biden: He would speak at great length on how to solve the crisis. His plan might not work, but the gale-force winds he generates while talking it up could steer the asteroid off course.
• Hillary Clinton: She would go on a nationwide listening tour to gather ideas, then take a position carefully calibrated to ensure that, no matter what happened, it wouldn't be her fault.
• Chris Dodd: He would say not to worry: Two decades in the U.S. Senate have taught him how to deal with a ponderous mass that drifts aimlessly.
• John Edwards: He would assure us of this: The poor and disenfranchised will suffer most in the coming extinction.
• Rudy Giuliani: There's no telling how he might react, but he would undoubtedly want to name the asteroid 9/11.
• Mike Gravel: He would continue to advocate legalization of marijuana so we could enjoy the pretty colors when the asteroid hits.
• Mike Huckabee: He would encourage us to pray -- for ourselves and perhaps for the asteroid, too. After all, it came from out of nowhere, just as he did.
• Duncan Hunter: He would say, "See? I told you we need a border fence."
• Dennis Kucinich: He would come up with a refreshingly offbeat solution to the problem while continuing to battle perceptions that he was born on an asteroid himself.
• John McCain: In a "straight-talk" address to the nation, he would warn that the asteroid must be destroyed without resorting to pork-barrel spending.
• Barack Obama: He would say we must rise above the asteroid, rather than allow it to tear us apart. People might find this vague, but they'll applaud anyway because Oprah asked them to.
• Ron Paul: He would let the free market take care of it.
• Bill Richardson: He would try to impress the asteroid with his lengthy resume and self-deprecating humor.
• Mitt Romney: He would seek to assure Christian conservatives in Iowa that, should the worst happen, he will be in the same heaven as they are.
• Tom Tancredo: He would vow to send the asteroid back where it came from, then seal the nation's borders against future attempts at illegal entry.
• Fred Thompson: He would announce his intent to mosey on down to the Pentagon and see whether the generals had any ideas about dealing with the doggone thing.
“• Duncan Hunter: He would say, “See? I told you we need a border fence.”
Sweet! lol
FREDeralist!
FREDinator!
FRED state!
FRED, White and Blue!
FREDDY or not...
“Fixed the nule post!”
Barry Walters and the rest of the “Greenies”
http://www.thedailygreen.com/environmental-news/latest/baby-carbon-tax-47121014
would be jubilant at the prospect of half the
HUMAN earth abusers being wiped from it.
Just not them.
Thompson would consult with generals an technology experts to come up with a set of plans and contingency plans. While this was going on, the media tells everyone that Thompson has "waited too long" to get started and should be "doing something" about the problem right now.
When Thompson announces the plan, he lays out the problem, the results of doing nothing, and the risks involved with the plan. He is immediately branded as a "failure" before the plan is even put into action.
Meanwhile, over at Free Republic, while most folks understand and support the decision and make their preparations, a few obnoxious vocal minorities start with their squawking.
One group will claim that the asteroid impact will "clean out the RINOs once and for all. Another sect will be relieved that it will prevent a Clinton from ever being in the White House again. Ron Paul supporters will claim it's our own fault, and that doing anything about it will simply invite more asteroids to attack.
I could go on, but I think I've made my point.
Fred would say” an asteroid dudint take dump without a plan
son!
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