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The War on "No" Is Child "Centered Parenting" producing a generation of brats?
Babble ^ | 11/30/07 | Kathryn J. Alexander

Posted on 11/30/2007 8:18:46 AM PST by qam1

Extreme parenting has come to be associated with images of overly involved parents — this generation's stage parents, who manage and control every minute of their child's life, imposing their adult dreams and desires onto the little ones in a pathetic attempt to fuel their own insatiable need for success and recognition. As familiar as this parental profile has become, another form of extreme parenting has emerged, one that is getting harder to ignore. I am referring to the increasingly ubiquitous parenting approach that rejects the use of the word "no," and in which even the most reasonable degree of parental limit-setting is consistently absent.

Most of us have been in social situations where we've observed, with incredulity, a parent bow to the extreme demands of a menacingly persistent child, inches from a tantrum — "Okay, but honey, that's your last package of Twizzlers before breakfast." Worse, many of us too often have been that parent. What is happening here? I thought the Dr. Spock generation put an end to tyrannical rule within family life a few generations ago. It did not. In too many families the tyrant still rules — but today he is much shorter.

How did the power balance in our parent-child relationship become so off-kilter? In what other relationship would we give in to someone we love, as a matter of course, saying "yes" to every demand, every whim, no matter how unreasonable — and expect our emotional connection to remain unharmed? "I know, dear, our new neighbor really is a knock-out, especially in that two-piece. Well, okay, but just this once, and don't be home too late, it's a work night."

On the very far end of the non-confrontational parenting trend, and seemingly designed for parents who would rather get out of the driver's seat altogether, is an organization called Taking Children Seriously. TCS adherents attempt to parent without infringing upon the children's will. When there's a conflict, they find a compromise between the child's and parent's desires; eliminating the win/lose dynamic. The examples provided on their website seem absurdly idealistic, and impossible for any parent who needs to care for a newborn sibling, meet a deadline or get dinner on the table to implement. Not to mention, this approach seems to overlook the profound limitations of a young child's capacity for reason and impulse control

Aside from this extreme example, this recent transformation in child-rearing appears to be a twisted, supercharged version of what began benignly as a "child-centered" approach to family life. Its effect on our children is attracting notice — and not just among our in-laws. Several new books have appeared within the last year, each identifying a cultural phenomenon of concern to any of us who are attempting to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted children. If the experts' predictions are on target, we're facing a future filled with overgrown, ill-tempered, and entitled Baby Hueys who will spend their adulthood wondering why they can't sustain an intimate adult relationship or hold down a decent job.

It's not just that many American parents are under-parenting by not setting reasonable limits. Paradoxically, we are also over-parenting by making every effort to ensure that our children are not given the opportunity to fail. At the same time, our pediatricians are urging us to cut back on the excessive use of hand sanitizers and antibiotics (kids need exposure to some germs if their immune systems are going to successfully fight the really bad ones), our child development experts are telling us to stop excessively slathering our children with the word "Yes." Our kid's emotional "immune systems" need exposure to life lessons that involve at least the risk of disappointment, failure or emotional turmoil if they are going to be able to withstand the bigger setbacks and losses they will inevitably face in adulthood.

An increasing number of childcare experts suggest that American parents are in dire need of a comprehensive re-evaluation of how effectively we are raising our children. If parents, like most employees, received an end-of-year job evaluation, this year's would be a particularly uncomfortable assessment. Don't even think about a performance-based bonus...........


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial
KEYWORDS: anarchy; doasthouwill; genx; hedonism; ifitfeelsgooddoit; parenting
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To: FreedomCalls

LOVE IT!!!

BUMP!


81 posted on 11/30/2007 4:14:30 PM PST by nmh (Intelligent people recognize Intelligent Design (God) .)
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To: ßuddaßudd

Research continues, but there’s a distinct possibility your boy might be the cutest kid ever.


82 posted on 11/30/2007 4:15:47 PM PST by Xenalyte (Can you count, suckas? I say the future is ours . . . if you can count.)
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To: qam1

“Child-centered parenting” has been a general disaster for the American family. The “parent-centered family” is a robust antidote. I recommend the approach and writings of psychologist John Rosemond for all those who wish to administer “vitamin N” to their little darlings.


83 posted on 11/30/2007 4:18:38 PM PST by hinckley buzzard
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To: Antoninus

January 1909. Two of the "helpers" in the Tifton Cotton Mill at Tifton, Georgia. They work full time and earn $4.50 a week sticking on bobbins and running sides.

84 posted on 11/30/2007 4:20:17 PM PST by FreedomCalls (Texas: "We close at five.")
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To: qam1
“How did the power balance in our parent-child relationship become so off-kilter?”

It hasn’t.

85 posted on 11/30/2007 4:23:47 PM PST by sitetest (If Roe is not overturned, no unborn child will ever be protected in law.)
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To: FreedomCalls
Great photos. Here's another:


Photo and caption from NationalGeographic.com

A child carries unbaked bricks to a kiln at a brick factory in Raichak, India, in December 2000. Scenes like this remain a fact of life in India, despite a longtime ban on hard labor by children.

86 posted on 11/30/2007 4:36:48 PM PST by Albion Wilde (America: “the most benign hegemon in history.”—Mark Steyn)
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To: ClearCase_guy
MA is making it illegal to swat your kid on the butt.

Ha! That is a law I would break, if I were unfortunate enough to be a resident of the People's Republic of Massachusetts.

87 posted on 11/30/2007 4:43:40 PM PST by Zack Nguyen
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To: qam1
The War on "No" Is Child "Centered Parenting" producing a generation of brats

Article too wordy, the message:
Missing Discipline
To this I say: You take 1 twig, you can easily break it,
you take a whole bundle of twigs, you can not break it.
Guess, How this relates to the next generations.
We are not living in a Vacuum.........
88 posted on 11/30/2007 5:14:33 PM PST by modican
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To: MrB
Incidentally, I talked to a Vietnamese family a while back, and out of curiosity asked about the “terrible two’s” - they hadn’t heard of it. Described it to the mother and she said “oh, that’s just misbehavior - spanking consistently cures that”.

My buddy has 7 kids (with the help of his wife), ages 2-13, not one ever had the dreaded terrible two's disease.

I guess the Terrible Two's aren't inevitable. If they were at least 1 of his kids should have had it. The fact that 7 of 7 avoided it tells me its all about parenting, and NOT about the child.

89 posted on 11/30/2007 6:52:03 PM PST by mountn man (The pleasure you get from life, is equal to the attitude you put into it.)
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To: qam1
If the experts' predictions are on target, we're facing a future filled with overgrown, ill-tempered, and entitled Baby Hueys who will spend their adulthood wondering why they can't sustain an intimate adult relationship or hold down a decent job.

This "future" is different from the present somehow?

90 posted on 11/30/2007 9:57:58 PM PST by irv
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To: Xenalyte

Thank You Ma’am. He’s my little mini-me...


91 posted on 12/01/2007 5:46:08 AM PST by ßuddaßudd (7 days - 7 ways Guero >>> with a floating, shifting, ever changing persona....)
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To: hunter112

It’s amazing!

Before I had kids I had three theories on child raising.

Now, with 3 kids, I have none!


92 posted on 12/01/2007 5:57:06 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: FreedomCalls

Today these folks would be evicted (for their own good) and placed in a Gov’t Hellhole, Ooops - Housing.


93 posted on 12/01/2007 6:01:47 AM PST by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: TalonDJ

No, its a matter of picking your battles. My daughter is good 98% of the time. Her teacher uses her behavior as a model for the kids who act out in her class.

The one issue I have is she isn’t a vegetable eater. It will come with time.

I was blessed I didn’t get a child like my cousin. That kid needed a belt almost everyday. I don’t think he was a mean kid but Dennis the Menance times 5. It was 30 years ago when he was little and most of my other cousins still don’t like him. My cousin should have been a toy tester because he would find a way to break it.

Also, why assume logic works with kids. “Because I said so”, isn’t very logical but is a phrase that works with many kids. Of course the tone of voice and the look has to go along with that sentence.


94 posted on 12/01/2007 1:09:46 PM PST by art_rocks
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To: qam1

Anyone who seriously tried to maintain the level of discipline with children common prior to the 1970s, today, would run afoul of the law and have their child taken away by the state. The only way to avoid this is to hermit in a very remote area and home school. Failing that, even if a parent maintains an exemplary household - for example, no TV, only heavily supervised computer use, non materialistic living, etc, they would not be able to prevent peer pressure and general societal rubbish from infecting their child. Also, if they tried to maintain the selective use of coporal punishment, in most states that would be grounds for intervention by child protective services. Until / unless liberalism and cultural rot gets overturn, trying to raise children other than the hermit / home school method I mentioned, is an exercise in futility. The Suicide of the West.


95 posted on 12/06/2007 10:18:02 PM PST by GOP_1900AD (Stomping on "PC," destroying the Left, and smoking out faux "conservatives" - Take Back The GOP!)
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