Posted on 11/17/2007 4:53:59 PM PST by Mrs. Don-o
Last month, a boy asked my 16-year-old daughter to his school's homecoming dance. She agreed to go, bought a new dress and made a hairdresser appointment.
The boy never bought tickets to the dance. Neither did his friends. They decided that attending homecoming wouldn't be cool, and instead planned to just dress up that night, go out for dinner and then hang out with their dates at someone's house.
My daughter was disappointed, as were her girlfriends. They would have loved to have been taken to the dance, to show off their dresses, to see and be seen.
At 6 p.m. on the night of the boycotted dance, about a dozen of these girls and their dates gathered in one boy's backyard so a mob of parents could photograph them. I found it dispiriting. My heart went out to those girls -- all dressed up with no place to go. Couldn't we, as parents, have demanded that the boys take our daughters to the dance? Why did we stand there, clicking our digital cameras, saying nothing?
I live in suburban Detroit, but this phenomenon is playing out elsewhere in the country, too -- a telling example of the indifference with which young people today view dating, chivalry and romance.
Studies, of course, show more young people skipping romantic relationships in favor of "hooking up." As teens socialize in packs, forgo one-on-one dating and trade sex nonchalantly, it is no stretch to find that boys are asking girls to homecoming and not bothering to take them there. But with so many young people ignoring once-sacrosanct dating rites, how can we respond?
(Excerpt) Read more at online.wsj.com ...
LOL! That is NOT happening!
One should always strive to marry UP ;^)
That sounds familiar. Buy lots and lots of hydrocortisone cream, you'll be needing it.
When I went around the yard actually looking for poison ivy, I was amazed at how much there was. Virtually every shady spot was covered in it. A few sessions with Roundup has lessened it somewhat.
If you have some large trees in or near your yard, look for heavy vines that are brown and "hairy" growing up their trunks. Carefully examine the leaves on those vines. That's not okra you're seeing. :-)
A 17 year old girl developmentally is 3 years ahead of boys of similar age. The boys used to catch up to the girls by the time the boys were 20, but that is no longer the case. Just take a look around at how many COLLEGE GRADUATES who are men stay at home for years, instead of going out on their own.
It sickens me. This only happens in the USA. It does not happen as much in Canada, and almost not at all in Australia and Scotland. There young men are mature enough to go out on their own when they reach the age of 18.I am speaking of basic coping skills also ,such as hygiene, laundry, budgeting, applying for jobs, working 5 days a week. Many US men at age 26 have never held a full time job.
I think one of the things that has happened since our parents’ day is that formal dances are no longer an ordinary part of adult social life, in most cases. When I was growing up, my parents went to formal dances three or four times a year. I haven’t been to a similar occasion in my whole life.
At one time, high school dances were, to some extent, a rehearsal for adult socializing, but I don’t think that’s true anymore.
Our subdivision has about 15 acres of common-area woods. It’s full of poison ivy! It was in the upper 70’s earlier this week, and I think the gang of 6-10 year old girls decided to play Indians or Dryads or something, and went flitting through the trees.
I haven’t checked on their friends, but I doubt my girls are the only ones paying the price! We’re using “Ivy-Dry” and giant antihistimines.
In my day, we never had to PURCHASE tickets for school functions - some kids just don't have the funds - especially nowadays when the boys are expected wear tuxes - EVEN in middle school!
We tend to think of the big expense for girls and their gowns - and even though many can buy 'thrift' gowns, or make them, there is still the shoes, hair, etc.
But many boys = nor their parents = have the funds to rent a tux, buy flowers, dinner and often share in limo rentals...and double tickets...
These school functions need to be affordable for all - betcha there wouldn't be this trend,,,
Why did we stand there, clicking our digital cameras, saying nothing?
Well? Why DID you?????????????
sigh.... sad but true I’m afraid.
That is stupid, and never should have gotten started.
Wow, that's quite a chip! I hold the door open for everyone behind me. Beauty queens, body builders, soldiers, bums, tramps, vamps, grandmothers, you name it. My mother called it manners.
The terms, lady and gentleman, have no meaning today. Our culture is so vulgar, crude, and rude that the youth and most of their parents make barbarians look good. Feminism told women that you cannot be a lady and liberated. Women have always been the cultivators of society. When women started acting more like dogs in heat than ladies, the whole culture went down the toilet bowl.
Bingo!
Anytime an ingrate female starts to say something nasty to me for it, I just tell them to get over it; the last guy I did the same for politely thanked me, and she should learn to do the same; that is is human kindness, not "sexist oppression" to be courteous.
I'm old enough, and married enough, that I don't have to give a hoot whether they like it or not.
A lot of this nonsense is actually an indirect effect of several problems not mentioned. To start with, for many kids and teenagers, for 50 years there has been a lack of “polite socialization” situations in which they can interact, learn about each other, and just be friendly.
Formal dances and proms have just become grotesque. If boys and girls haven’t been informally and comfortably socialized to each other, who in their right mind thinks they will do so wearing uncomfortable and freakish clothing in rigid and stylized social circumstances? For many kids, a prom is a nightmare.
There is far less socialization going on in school than is popularly imagined. Many kids go through their entire high school years without interacting to any great degree with members of the opposite sex.
Certainly polite socialization events need to be chaperoned, but it is just “hanging out” with supervision. A chance for boys and girls to chit chat and practice being sociable with those they haven’t in past, but want to in the future. They also need a chance to do things cooperatively and lose a lot of fear about each other.
Importantly, even at a young age, there are some boys and girls who are blunt, crude, and forward. Often that is just the way of their family. But they need to be culled from the group, lest they spread their unwholesome attitudes and behavior to others. Behave like ladies and gentlemen or get kicked out.
There is nothing wrong with practicing their “social sexuality”, in ways like 1-minute dates, 5-minute dates, and 15-minute dates. Pushing them to be able to communicate with each other beyond when they run out of chit chat, to talk about each other’s interests. It is also a great opportunity for male and female teachers to point out errors in etiquette and “turn offs” to the kids.
“No, she doesn’t just want to talk about race cars. And he probably has zero interest in your unicorn collection.”
Many girls live and breathe dancing, but many boys do not give a darn for it. Neither are very good at doing it without some instruction, which is hard to find. This is why freak dancing and nonsense like that gets around. They don’t know how to dance otherwise.
No reason in the world not to bring in a dance instructor, to show some basic moves.
Bwaaaahahahahahaha!
Never heard of Italy, I take it.
26 is nothing; try 46! I see articles every so often about their huge problem of "momma's boys".
It is true, and it is a very loneley generation.
“Parents these days do everything they can to retard their boys from growing up.”
You are so right. Coddling is destroying these kids-especially the boys.
Parents run to fix every little boo-boo, and the kids don’t learn anything about the trials and errors of life.
Somebody will always wipe away the consequences for them.
“As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by”
After 15 minutes your daughter has proven that she has no respect for me and therefore I have no respect for you or your laws. You can expect your daughter to be treated with no respect because I have no respect for her because I have no respect for myself after not walking out in 15 minutes. You better hope I do.
Your soap box doesn’t relate to what is happening in this article. I see a lack of training on the part of boys and girls by parents as to how to treat each other with respect and how they should EXPECT to be treated. Everything is somewhat “throw away”, including tradition with these youth, not all. Also, if a girl is too much work..having to make the effort to call, arrange a date ahead of time, meet the parents, get to know her....in other words take things slow and seriously, they lose interest. Why should they make an effort when it seems that so many girls are easy pick ups for one night, several nights or off and on nights. But that is okay because I believe someone is out there that will deserve my girls and they are going to be very lucky. Noone will ever deserve my baby boy! Ha Ha.
My sons are in the same predicament. The girls come to campus acting civilized, but within weeks become binge drinkers hanging out at frat parties.
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