Posted on 11/13/2007 7:08:30 AM PST by Responsibility2nd
Marriage is a foundation of civilized life. No advanced civilization has ever existed without the married, two-parent family. Those who argue that our civilization needs healthy marriages to survive are not exaggerating.
And yet I cannot, in good conscience, urge young men to marry today. For many men (and some women), marriage has become nothing less than a one-way ticket to jail. Even the New York Times has reported on how easily "the divorce court leads to a jail cell," mostly for men. In fact, if I have one urgent piece of practical advice for young men today it is this: Do not marry and do not have children.
Spreading this message may also, in the long run, be the most effective method of saving marriage as an institution. For until we understand that the principal threat to marriage today is not cultural but political, and that it comes not from homosexuals but from heterosexuals, we will never reverse the decline of marriage. The main destroyer of marriage, it should be obvious, is divorce. Michael McManus of Marriage Savers points out that "divorce is a far more grievous blow to marriage than today's challenge by gays." The central problem is the divorce laws.
It is well known that half of all marriages end in divorce. But widespread misconceptions lead many to believe it cannot happen to them. Many conscientious people think they will never be divorced because they do not believe in it. In fact, it is likely to happen to you whether you wish it or not.
First, you do not have to agree to the divorce or commit any legal transgression. Under "no-fault" divorce laws, your spouse can divorce you unilaterally without giving any reasons. The judge will then grant the divorce automatically without any questions.
But further, not only does your spouse incur no penalty for breaking faith; she can actually profit enormously. Simply by filing for divorce, your spouse can take everything you have, also without giving any reasons. First, she will almost certainly get automatic and sole custody of your children and exclude you from them, without having to show that you have done anything wrong. Then any unauthorized contact with your children is a crime. Yes, for seeing your own children you will be subject to arrest.
There is no burden of proof on the court to justify why they are seizing control of your children and allowing your spouse to forcibly keep you from them. The burden of proof (and the financial burden) is on you to show why you should be allowed to see your children.
The divorce industry thus makes it very attractive for your spouse to divorce you and take your children. (All this earns money for lawyers whose bar associations control the careers of judges.) While property divisions and spousal support certainly favor women, the largest windfall comes through the children. With custody, she can then demand "child support" that may amount to half, two-thirds, or more of your income. (The amount is set by committees consisting of feminists, lawyers, and enforcement agents – all of whom have a vested interest in setting the payments as high as possible.) She may spend it however she wishes. You pay the taxes on it, but she gets the tax deduction.
You could easily be left with monthly income of a few hundreds dollars and be forced to move in with relatives or sleep in your car. Once you have sold everything you own, borrowed from relatives, and maximized your credit cards, they then call you a "deadbeat dad" and take you away in handcuffs. You are told you have "abandoned" your children and incarcerated without trial.
Evidence indicates that, as men discover all this, they have already begun an impromptu marriage "strike": refusing to marry or start families, knowing they can be criminalized if their wife files for divorce. "Have anti-father family court policies led to a men's marriage strike?" ask Glenn Sacks and Dianna Thompson in the Philadelphia Enquirer. In Britain, fathers tour university campuses warning young men not to start families. In his book, From Courtship to Courtroom, Attorney Jed Abraham concludes that the only protection for men to avoid losing their children and everything else is not to start families in the first place.
Is it wise to disseminate such advice? If people stop marrying, what will become of the family and our civilization?
Marriage is already all but dead, legally speaking, and divorce is the principal reason. The fall in the Western birth rate is directly connected with divorce law.
It is also likely that same-sex marriage is being demanded only because of how heterosexuals have already debased marriage through divorce law. "The world of no-strings heterosexual hookups and 50% divorce rates preceded gay marriage," advocate Andrew Sullivan points out. "All homosexuals are saying...is that, under the current definition, there's no reason to exclude us. If you want to return straight marriage to the 1950s, go ahead. But until you do, the exclusion of gays is simply an anomaly – and a denial of basic civil equality."
We will not restore marriage by burying our heads in the sand; nor simply by preaching to young people to marry, as the Bush administration's government therapy programs now do. The way to restore marriage as an institution in which young people can place their trust, their children, and their lives is to make it an enforceable contract. We urgently need a national debate about divorce, child custody, and the terms under which the government can forcibly sunder the bonds between parents and their children. We owe it to future generations, if there are to be any.
Stephen Baskerville, Ph.D., is assistant professor of government at Patrick Henry College and President of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children. His book, Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fathers, Marriage, and the Family, has just been published by Cumberland House Publishing.
Look for Wifely Qualities, Not Just Girlfriend Qualities. Women have been encouraged to chase relentlessly after personal fulfillment...being well-educated, physically fit, interesting, and financially secure. All these things are really great, and make for a wife who is nice to be around. BUT there are a whole other set of qualities that modern women have ignored...and even, avoided. These are the skills and habits that make them a good wife.
Of course, many people pooh-pooh this idea...many people think that marriage just “happens” when two people love each other. Au contrair. A happy marriage takes skill. There are a whole set of attitudes and habits that each partner needs to bring.
The “wifely” skills are those that the woman needs to have, or learn darned quick, if she’s going to make you happy. In fact, the woman’s “wifely” skills are probably the most important single factor in the success of the marriage. The woman, with her better emotional strength, and her vastly superior ability to track and manage the health of the relationship, is the key to long term success.
Of course, in the past 50 years, women have disavowed those wifely skills, as well as their natural responsibility for the relationship. No wonder that so many marriages are miserable, and the rate of divorce is sky-high!
So here’s a practical tip for all you intrepid wife-hunters. Remember that the qualities that make a woman a good wife may be quite different from those that make her a good girlfriend. As the saying goes “American women are great for easy casual sex, but make terrible wives”.
Don’t assume that a woman, just because she’s a hot girlfriend, will make a good wife for you. When you’re really (really!) serious about finding a wife and mate, prove your seriousness by changing your aim. Look for a woman who may *not* make a great girlfriend, but *will* make a fantastic wife!
I met my ex at a Mensa meeting. Where should I have gone instead, hmmmm?
Outstanding advice.
Know any?
That's the Rotary Club answer, sure, but I can all but guarantee you it's not the case more often than you think it is. Especially when it comes to adultery.
I don't believe this is the cause. The USA has a self sustaining birthrate. The Europeans and Japanese do not. The difference is in those countries the "nannny" state is much more advanced. I think it is much more likely that the more advanced the socialist state the lower the birth rate.
Never marry without a pre-nup. I made the mistake, never again!
The guy is right on target. All women don't have to be so cold and calculating; the 80% that file for divorce are quite sufficient to make his point.
Thank you my friend. You’re a good man too.
Yeah. That worked. I married a nice Catholic girl. Smart, too. Got the vast majority of time with my kids and half of everything I owned and earn.
LOL. You’ll send them into battle with bullets and bombs but tell them that marriage is too dangerous!
My wife developed severe psychological problems over the last 10 years. I married a nice Catholic girl so that divorce would never be an issue. Fighting for shared custody now.......
Really? IMO if both the husband and wife were investing in their marriage the way they should than their marriage would be affair proof.
I don’t like paying the price for my bad choices, but I have worked hard to show my children what a man needs to do regardless of what the other person decides to do. I hope that the generation which has been so negatively affected by the truths contained in the article will make very different choices from those made by their parents.
Oh its definately a 2 way street, my wealthy attny dad left my mom and my siblings effectively destitute when she finally had enough of his filandering and filed for divorce. Small town, he knew the judge..
Kids just wound up pawns in this drama play... had to run next door to get the cops after my father slapped my mother in the church parking lot after mass when he just showed up.
The list goes on and on.....
I know far more women who’s hubbies have walked away for a “younger model” than women who philandered and left.
I know both happen, its definately a 2 way street.. and yes, if you are a guy and wind up divorced you can get the short end of the stick. However to think all women get a cakewalk is hardly true. Most wind up alone with multiple kids to raise usually in or close to poverty.
Kill the enemy, the fight’s over.
Bring the enemy into your house, the fight’s on for life.
scary ping for later.
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