Posted on 11/13/2007 7:08:30 AM PST by Responsibility2nd
Marriage is a foundation of civilized life. No advanced civilization has ever existed without the married, two-parent family. Those who argue that our civilization needs healthy marriages to survive are not exaggerating.
And yet I cannot, in good conscience, urge young men to marry today. For many men (and some women), marriage has become nothing less than a one-way ticket to jail. Even the New York Times has reported on how easily "the divorce court leads to a jail cell," mostly for men. In fact, if I have one urgent piece of practical advice for young men today it is this: Do not marry and do not have children.
Spreading this message may also, in the long run, be the most effective method of saving marriage as an institution. For until we understand that the principal threat to marriage today is not cultural but political, and that it comes not from homosexuals but from heterosexuals, we will never reverse the decline of marriage. The main destroyer of marriage, it should be obvious, is divorce. Michael McManus of Marriage Savers points out that "divorce is a far more grievous blow to marriage than today's challenge by gays." The central problem is the divorce laws.
It is well known that half of all marriages end in divorce. But widespread misconceptions lead many to believe it cannot happen to them. Many conscientious people think they will never be divorced because they do not believe in it. In fact, it is likely to happen to you whether you wish it or not.
First, you do not have to agree to the divorce or commit any legal transgression. Under "no-fault" divorce laws, your spouse can divorce you unilaterally without giving any reasons. The judge will then grant the divorce automatically without any questions.
But further, not only does your spouse incur no penalty for breaking faith; she can actually profit enormously. Simply by filing for divorce, your spouse can take everything you have, also without giving any reasons. First, she will almost certainly get automatic and sole custody of your children and exclude you from them, without having to show that you have done anything wrong. Then any unauthorized contact with your children is a crime. Yes, for seeing your own children you will be subject to arrest.
There is no burden of proof on the court to justify why they are seizing control of your children and allowing your spouse to forcibly keep you from them. The burden of proof (and the financial burden) is on you to show why you should be allowed to see your children.
The divorce industry thus makes it very attractive for your spouse to divorce you and take your children. (All this earns money for lawyers whose bar associations control the careers of judges.) While property divisions and spousal support certainly favor women, the largest windfall comes through the children. With custody, she can then demand "child support" that may amount to half, two-thirds, or more of your income. (The amount is set by committees consisting of feminists, lawyers, and enforcement agents – all of whom have a vested interest in setting the payments as high as possible.) She may spend it however she wishes. You pay the taxes on it, but she gets the tax deduction.
You could easily be left with monthly income of a few hundreds dollars and be forced to move in with relatives or sleep in your car. Once you have sold everything you own, borrowed from relatives, and maximized your credit cards, they then call you a "deadbeat dad" and take you away in handcuffs. You are told you have "abandoned" your children and incarcerated without trial.
Evidence indicates that, as men discover all this, they have already begun an impromptu marriage "strike": refusing to marry or start families, knowing they can be criminalized if their wife files for divorce. "Have anti-father family court policies led to a men's marriage strike?" ask Glenn Sacks and Dianna Thompson in the Philadelphia Enquirer. In Britain, fathers tour university campuses warning young men not to start families. In his book, From Courtship to Courtroom, Attorney Jed Abraham concludes that the only protection for men to avoid losing their children and everything else is not to start families in the first place.
Is it wise to disseminate such advice? If people stop marrying, what will become of the family and our civilization?
Marriage is already all but dead, legally speaking, and divorce is the principal reason. The fall in the Western birth rate is directly connected with divorce law.
It is also likely that same-sex marriage is being demanded only because of how heterosexuals have already debased marriage through divorce law. "The world of no-strings heterosexual hookups and 50% divorce rates preceded gay marriage," advocate Andrew Sullivan points out. "All homosexuals are saying...is that, under the current definition, there's no reason to exclude us. If you want to return straight marriage to the 1950s, go ahead. But until you do, the exclusion of gays is simply an anomaly – and a denial of basic civil equality."
We will not restore marriage by burying our heads in the sand; nor simply by preaching to young people to marry, as the Bush administration's government therapy programs now do. The way to restore marriage as an institution in which young people can place their trust, their children, and their lives is to make it an enforceable contract. We urgently need a national debate about divorce, child custody, and the terms under which the government can forcibly sunder the bonds between parents and their children. We owe it to future generations, if there are to be any.
Stephen Baskerville, Ph.D., is assistant professor of government at Patrick Henry College and President of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children. His book, Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fathers, Marriage, and the Family, has just been published by Cumberland House Publishing.
That can’t be good for the wallboard.
The spending for an average wedding today is in excess of $27,000 for one day. Bridal Spending Has Increased 100% Over Last 15 Years . The term "Bridezilla" was recently added to Webster's dictionary
What were you saying about adult women quickly learning?
I hate these threads.
A couple of years back (I can’t believe it’s been that long!) there was a thread that ran every Friday morning called the Freeper Family Table. It began as a sort of “moms only” group but we quickly added many freeping dads. Different topic each week, everything from breastfeeding to cooking, finances to teen dating, family pets, manners—you name it. It was a lot of fun. I keep threatening to resurrect it, but I never do. I probably have one or two of the livelier threads archived on my profile.
And if young men were in the habit of taking this guy's advice, that statement might mean something. As it is, I doubt it carries any weight at all.
“You people” insist on imagining boogeymen behind every corner, gay boogeyemn at that. I am not one bit threatened by gay people, nor is my marriage or anyone else’s marriage for that matter. Divorce is a far bigger threat to marriage than gays. People just don’t stick it out for better or worse like they used to. If things get a little tough, they quit and get divorced. That bothers me a lot more than the fact that a tiny percentage of our population is gay. Nothing new about gays. Throughout history in every land there have always been gays, even in Iran despite what Ahmadinejad says. Sometimes they’ve been demonized, sometimes accepted, but always they’ve been there. I can’t spend a lot of time worrying about them because they aren’t really much of a threat. Some people it seems can think of little else. Sometimes I wonder if they aren’t repressing some latent desires or something.
That is why I posted what I did to you.
Funny you mention things recently read. I read something the other day too & you reminded me of it just now! In the Bible...told the story of a talking jackass! That line doesn’t have anything to do with this conversation, just wanted to share it
That's the whole point - Bridezillas aren't adults. ;)
Dude. That is soooooooo evil.
Yet here you are...
Just passing through....The carnage gets to be a bit much.
You’re here too, come to think of it. ;)
You’re the other gender.
For me, eesh....nasty crap.
“The fall in the Western birth rate is directly connected with divorce law”
That’s BS. It’s only part of the reason...the larger reasons are threefold; one, advanced industrial societies inevitably have a decline in birth rates as living standards increase, and that becomes more important than having children...in other words, we get spoiled by material goods. Second, legal abortion has cut a swath through birth rates. Third, when we were more religious and faithful, having children was seen as a good thing to do for the world, as it was part of God’s plan, even though its a lot of work. Now, in our typically spoiled Western mindset, having kids is seen as a “fullfilling” thing, something we do to please ourselves. In a way, for many people having kids is like getting a new car....something to be acquired for personal pleasure and status (and boy are they surprised when they find out how much work it is).
You made fun of that and said it sounded like a mail order bride. Reverse the sentence. "One who places her ego and need for validation above her marriage, family and husband. " Lovely woman that one, yes, yes?
From what I was told by my maternal grandmother (4 children living, one dead, 3 miscarriages) and paternal grandmother (6 children living, 3 dead, uncounted misscarriages)-— they didn’t have much say in how many kids they had, it just happened. It had nothing to do with religion or faith, just acceptance that you had babies until you couldn’t have them anymore or you died.
Whichever came first. The cemetary near my house is full of men with wives #1, 2...even three. My guest bedroom is the ‘family’ history room, full of portraits and pictures from as far back as the mid 1800’s. There is a picture of my great, great, great grandparents outside their cabin with 8 children, doorsteps literally.
She’s 30 but looks 80, the kids are a sad, skinny and pitiful looking. The man looks overwhelmed and exhausted. It makes an impression on folks, and every time I look at it, I can’t help but feel they felt helpless and lost. It is not a happy picture.
One of the most faithful, godfearing and devout women I know has only 3 kids....she was so sick during her pregnancies and labor hurt so badly she refused to go through it anymore. Same with my SIL. Two is all she can have and be healthy enough to care for them.
So, honestly, IMHGLO, birthrates have declined because there are those who simply, for whatever reasons-— mentally, emotionally, physically...whatever, put the brakes on when they reached their limit. Something they couldn’t do in the past.
Reality is, faith or no, you run from the fire when it hurts.
Marked for future reading.
Congrats on your anniversary!
Seems to me, most marriages today are like the arranged marriages of yesteryear. Not much feeling for one another, just greedy thoughts of material acquisition.
I grew up poor, and we’ve made it to just struggling. Neither of us married for wealth. I think we’re much happier. Would we have been better off financially if we’d waited til we were older and wiser? Probably. Would we have been happier? Doubtful. When the person is right, you can put up with a lot.
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