Failing Benchmarks Crucial To Democrat Victory: Memo

The Peoples Cube ^ | 8/30/07 | Red Square

[laotzu]

Iraq has failed to meet most of the congressionally mandated benchmarks, says a draft of a report obtained by The People's Cube."Overall, cure for cancer has not been found, a manned mission to Uranus is being delayed, and it is unclear whether the Iraqi government will ever install gold-plated urinals in Falujah's public toilets," the report says. The document contradicts the Bush administration's conclusion in July that the average number of Iraqi gay-pride parades in urban areas has increased.

"While there have been fewer attacks against U.S. forces," it notes, Iraq still suffers from"a glaring lack of midnight basketball facilities for the insurgent youths, as well as an acceptable plastic recycling program." It also finds that sex education in kindergartens with free condom handouts is lagging behind, while gender bias against female suicide bombers remains unchanged.

The GAO draft concludes that two benchmarks - the outreach program to the transgendered community and the nationalization of camel-herding industry - have been"partially met." Little of the allocated money, however, has been spent on pork. While the goal to unionize Farmers Markets has been achieved, the others, including the needle exchange program and the conversion of all government vehicles to hydrogen fuel-cell technology have failed.

"Prospects for enacting these benchmarks have been complicated by the withdrawal of many Iraqi Cabinet members who refused to sign a constitutional amendment giving full human rights to animals," the report says. This boycott ends any claim by the Shiite-dominated coalition to be a government of change for social progress and multicultural awareness.

[SueRae]

Thank God for a sense of humor. :)

[Always Right]

"While there have been fewer attacks against U.S. forces," it notes, Iraq still suffers from"a glaring lack of midnight basketball facilities for the insurgent youths, as well as an acceptable plastic recycling program." It also finds that sex education in kindergartens with free condom handouts is lagging behind, while gender bias against female suicide bombers remains unchanged.

And the Iraq parliament still hasn't passed amnesty programs for foreign insurgents.

[laotzu]

a glaring lack of midnight basketball

They must already have midnight baseball. I heard a harem wife ask if she was in tomorrows lineup.

[laotzu]

I've been wondering lately if there is any difference
between a middle-east road map and a sheet of sandpaper.