Marriage matters to kids

"We don't need no piece of paper from the city hall, keeping us tied and true -- no ..."

As much as I admire Joni, that sentiment was, and still is, hokey and more importantly, untrue if not dangerous.

Those hippie days are long past, but the notion of shacking up grows more prevalent every year, as Statistics Canada's release Wednesday of 2006 census data shows.

Couples have common-law relationships for a myriad of reasons -- most of them terribly unromantic -- and include convenience, being incapable of true commitment, waiting for someone better to come along or because they think they are being (yawn) oh, so original with their anti-establishment attitude.

But the census figures and other studies show that the so-called "piece of paper" Joni derided in that song holds a lot of value, particularly for the well-being of children.

Anne-Marie Ambert, professor emeritus of sociology at York University in Toronto, says shacking up carries with it some very serious societal side effects when kids are part of the arrangement.

"That piece of paper matters a lot because cohabitations are much less stable than marriages," explains Ambert.

According to figures from StatsCan's 1998 National Longitudinal Survey of Children and Youth, 63% of children whose parents were living common-law had seen their parents split by age 10, compared with 14% of children of married couples.

In other words, common-law relationships are a whopping 450% more likely to split up than a marriage!

The latest census figures show that common-law unions have increased by 19% since 2001 and account for 15.5% of all Canadian families.

Ambert says the resulting increase of lone-parent families -- which have reached a record 15.9% -- is also the leading cause of childhood poverty and the attendant risks associated with poverty and single parenting including, poorer educational outcomes, increased teenage pregnancy, a spike in criminality, etc.

In 2005, the median income for two-parent Canadian families was $67,600. For single-parent families it was $30,000, which means half of all single-parent families had incomes of less than that annually. About 80% of lone-parent families are headed by women.

According to a U.S. study cited by Ambert in a paper she published with The Vanier Institute of the Family, boys raised without a father are twice as likely to be jailed, though boys raised in step-parent families are at an even greater risk of turning to criminality.

That now seemingly quaint adage, "we're staying together for the sake of the kids," is starting to make a lot of sense.

"You very rarely have a very serious criminal who comes from a good, two-parent family," says Ambert. "You have delinquents and kids who go through a phase, but lots of studies around the world show that when you look at the population of very hardened criminals, very few of them grew up with a father."

Ambert adds most children raised by single parents turn out fine; it's just the negative risks grow exponentially.

Meanwhile, Canada's income tax system still penalizes married couples by disallowing income splitting. It's madness.

So, yes, pieces of paper hold enormous importance in this world, after all, how many of us would dare buy a house, car or couch without receiving a piece of paper in return? Unthinkable isn't it?

Paper is important. Parents who don't have that "piece of paper" are literally putting the well-being of their kids at risk.

okay—

It is not my MISSION, nor it is it to my glam and glory to share the following about my OWN experience on this issue....

buthere it goes...

We ALL want to feel that we are part of a group. A group that thinks like us. A group where - I am accepted, included, needed, wanted...

weather you like it or not- when someone says bad things about your mamma, or pappa- we don’t like it.

WHY?

because this is where we learn our purpose, our reason, and our worth extends from.

When Mom or Dad is a ghost, a figment, not a physical being and force in our lives, this- again, weather we like it or not- leads to feelings of abandonement, of not being wanted, or VALUED.....

and rightfully so.

so- you have a very obvious outcome.

people who don’t feel valued

which- leads to chaos.

or “anti-social” behavior.

where shoud we gleam our value?

from those around us that love us?

or from “the STATE”????

Marriage creates a place for children to know as home

A place they know they belong.

without it- there is only a house.

I am a single mother of 3 awesome kids.

we live under poverty level— and despite this, we are happy, healthy, the kids do well in school......etc...

but if there were one thing I could change— it wouuld be that they had two parents in their lives that taught them, loved them, adored them....even if we were still poor...

I wouldn’t change our income— just the structure of having 2 parents- not the realization that someone has abandoned them.

as an example

my son, just started his freshman year in college..his grants weren’t in time, so he needed help for his books...temporary help, mind you....about $500....

Dad (absent from birth except for $$$) was a no go...

grandma— nadda

grandpa-— another nadda...

you know who helped?

An internet friend...

you know how long it took for them to have the $$$ returned?

4 days.

yup— just needed help for 4 days..

without it- my son- who earned his scholarship for school with good grades- would have had to take a test on something he had no way of knowing.....

marriage creates a “WE”

a “WE” that involves committment...that says WE are a team, we care

WE want YOU (the child) to succeed.....

without it- a child is left to just fend for himself and wonder— WHY and who cares?

and I have not even touched on what this means to my 2 young daughters and why they should care one iota as to why they should pick a man good for them.....instead of any man who happens to be there, or say the right things...

we learn to care about ourselves, only because someone else cares about us....

This is why the message of JESUS is so powerful....

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.