Michael Reagan: Tough Love ("My mother made me the man I am today")

We buried my mother, Jane Wyman, today and as I stood at her grave the words of Abraham Lincoln came back to me: "All I am or ever hope to be I owe to my angel mother." Everybody talks about my dad Ronald Reagan, and what he did for America, and many people think that because he set such a great example for his fellow citizens in so many ways, he was also responsible for making me who I am today. While that may be true in some ways, if anybody really wants to know who and what I am, you have to go back to my mother. All that's decent and praiseworthy that I am, or ever hope to be, I owe to her. When my parents broke up, like many children of that day and age whose parents were divorced, I lived with my mother. It was Jane Wyman, a single mom, who was in charge of raising me. I spent weekends with my dad, but it was my mother who raised me.

I could have been one of those spoiled Beverly Hills brats, but thankfully I had a mother who wouldn't allow it. As my sister Maureen and I learned, there would be no brats in her house.

Back in the 1950s, spoiled Beverly Hills brats could go to their parents and extort money from them because they felt guilt because they couldn't spend time with their kids. They would get their parents to assuage their guilt by buying them things, such as the brand new 10-speed Schwinn bicycles that were then the rage.

All my friends were getting their parents to buy one -- it was the newest bike of the day and every kid, including me, wanted one. I had even picked out the brand new blue 10-speed Schwinn bike I wanted.

I went to my mom and told her I would love her forever if she'd just buy it for me. "How badly do you want it?" she asked.

When I said, "More than anything else," she said, "Do you want it badly enough to get a job?" I protested that I was only 10 years old and couldn't get a job, but she said that with a bike I could get a paper route. She said, "I will lend you the money and you can pay me back."

I asked her why she was doing this – none of my friends had to work to get a bike. Their parents simply gave them their bikes and everything else they wanted.

She said, "If I give you everything you want, and I can afford to do that, you'll grow up to be a 40-year-old child. I build men, not boys. I want you to grow up to be a 40-year-old man."

I bought the bike with the money she lent me, and every Sunday I'd ride my bike to Good Shepherd church, sell papers there, and then pay my mother back out of my earnings.

That's called “tough love,” and over the years nothing changed. When I got my national radio show back in 1992, I was driving 262 miles a day between San Diego and Los Angeles to do my show, and I wasn't making any money.

I began to feel sorry for myself, even crying in the car one day. I didn't know what to do, so I called my mom, probably looking for a handout.

I asked her what I could do, that I was driving 262 miles a day and not making any money, my kids were in school, Colleen was at work trying to take care of the family, and my mom said, "I can tell you what to do." And I asked "what?" and she said, "Who said you don't have to pay your dues? You need to pay your dues like everybody else. Shut up and keep driving." And she hung up

Who I am today politically is because of Ronald Reagan. But if you really want to learn what made me the man I am, you have to look to Jane Wyman. She made award winning films – she also made a man.

I came across the following article yesterday. It has more information about Wyman that y'all may find interesting.

'Strict but Loving' Wyman Remembered

Jane Wyman, the actress who rose to prominence in Billy Wilder's "The Lost Weekend" in the 1940s and married future President Ronald Reagan, was remembered as strict but loving woman Wednesday at a funeral Mass in Palm Desert.

Wyman died Monday at age 90.

Adopted son Michael Reagan attended the service with his wife and their daughter, Ashley, and son, Cameron, who was a pallbearer.

When he first spoke, Reagan, a syndicated radio show host, was choked up.

"Hopefully I can get through this," he said, adding that his mother "spent a lot of time on her knees, praying for me."

He recalled asking for a bicycle when he was 10. His mother told him he would have to get a job.

"She built men, not boys," he said. "I was lucky to be her son."

For most of his life, he said he was asked about his famous father.

"A lot of people talk about my father, but I am who I am today because of my mother," he said.

Wyman, a convert to Catholicism, joined a Dominican order in the latter part of her life. She was buried in her habit.

The Rev. Howard Lincoln of Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Palm Desert, where Wyman's funeral Mass was celebrated, said Wyman was especially generous to him.

"I saw my first $100,000 check because of Jane Wyman," he said.

Wyman's donations paid for padded pews, kneelers and a new sound system at the church.

Reagan said his mother always wanted everyone to be comfortable, half-seriously adding that was why she sprang for the cushions.

Lincoln called her "the antithesis of Norma Desmond," the vain, washed-up "Sunset Boulevard" character.

"She was long on style, but longer on substance," Lincoln said. The priest was philosophical about Wyman's passing.

"She has never been as alive as she is right now," he said. "She was one of those people who understood that there is no permanent address on this globe. Her new home is heaven."

Wyman, he said, was "very plugged-in to our Lord."

Nelda Linsk, a real estate agent who sold Wyman her first home in Rancho Mirage and later became friendly with her and actress Loretta Young, called Wyman a remarkable woman.

"So giving, so faithful to her friends and to her church," she said. "I will miss her terribly."

Wyman was buried in a private ceremony at Forest Lawn Memorial Park-Cathedral City.

Born Sarah Jane Mansfield -- her birthdate was always kept a secret, though her birth certificate lists Jan. 5, 1917 -- in St. Joseph, Mo. Her parents divorced in 1921, and her father died the next year. The then-5-year-old became known as Sarah Jane Fulks, because she was unofficially adopted by her Missouri neighbors, according to Wyman's official biography.

Her interest in singing and dancing was evident at age 10. The next year, Richard Fulks died, and Emma Fulks moved to Hollywood with Sarah Jane.

By 1932, she had dropped out of high school and was making a living as a waitress, but was soon to land a job as a chorus girl, according to her biography.

She would eventually earn four Oscar nominations for best actress, winning in 1949 for her portrayal of a deaf rape victim in "Johnny Belinda."

She received the first of her four best actress Academy Award nominations in 1947 for "The Yearling."

Wyman said "The Blue Veil" was her favorite film. It was made in and around New York City's St. Patrick's Cathedral and released in 1951, about the time she became a Roman Catholic. It earned her a best actress Oscar nomination, but she lost out to Vivien Leigh's memorable performance as Blanche DuBois in "A Streetcar Named Desire."

Wyman's final Academy Award nomination came for the 1954 melodrama "Magnificent Obsession."

Wyman's film career began with "Gold Diggers of 1937" and ended in 1969, when she co-starred with Bob Hope and Jackie Gleason in "How to Commit Marriage."

From 1981 to 1990 she played Angela Channing, a Napa Valley winery owner on the hit CBS primetime soap opera "Falcon Crest."

"Falcon Crest" was not Wyman's first television success. From 1955-58, she hosted and occasionally performed in the 1955-58 NBC dramatic anthology, "The Jane Wyman Show."

Her final acting appearance came in a 1993 episode of "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman," as the mother of the title character, played by Jane Seymour.

Wyman married fellow Warner Bros. contract player Reagan in 1940. They divorced in 1948, a year before she received her Oscar. They had two children, Maureen, who died in August 2001 from cancer, and adopted son Michael.

In 1937, Wyman married a wealthy manufacturer of children's clothes, Myron Futterman, in New Orleans. The marriage was reported as her second, but an earlier marriage was never confirmed. They were divorced in 1938.

After Reagan became governor of California and then president of the United States, Wyman kept silent about her ex-husband, who had married actress Nancy Davis.

It was not until a few days after Reagan died on June 5, 2004, that Wyman broke her silence, saying: "America has lost a great president and a great, kind and gentle man."

Wyman's longtime business manager recalled her as "a tough lady, but a nice lady."

The family has asked that memorial donations be made to the Arthritis Foundation of Southern California or Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Palm Desert.

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